Ruled By Secrecy
by lege et lacrima
Summary: In which Percy Weasley discovers a few things about life from Penelope Clearwater, Oliver Wood, and his very own trouser-wand. Percy/Oliver. -Rated up for swearing and sexytime- -Legs-
1. Gingers

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any part whatsoever of the Harry Potter franchise. And I totally didn't steal three of my made-up character names from real people/characters either. =D

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Ruled by Secrecy

Chapter 1: Gingers

Percy dashed off the train to where his family were standing. He had insisted that he needed to get on the train early, but his mother, ever the voice of force, insisted that he come to see his younger sister on safely. And you don't argue with Molly Weasley. He was already in his school robes, and hastily polished the shiny, red and gold badge on his chest as he hurried back from the Prefects' compartment.

However, he soon found that his family couldn't care less whether he was there to see Ginny onto the train, they were all just standing about looking worried because Ron and Harry weren't there yet. Percy couldn't exactly be bothered to listen to what they were ranting on about; he was a Prefect and he took orders from no-one who didn't have a shiny badge like his. Why were they fussing over the younger ones when they should have been focusing on Percy and his shiny Prefect badge?

"Mother, could we _please_ get this over with? I need to be on the train as soon as possible to begin my patrols!"

Molly gave his a such disapproving look that it would have made a weaker man falter and burst into tears. "Don't you care that your brother and Harry haven't shown up yet?"

Not ever having grasped the fact that you should think before you speak, Percy quite bluntly responded "No, not really, now if you don't mind-"

"Percy Ignatius Weasley!" his mother bellowed, "Just who do you think you are talking like that about your younger brothers? You ought to know that family always comes before everything else! And-"

Percy had stopped listening. He checked his musty old watch, and, noting the time, decided he didn't want to hang around. He promptly got up and walked off towards the Prefects' compartment, despite cries from his mother of "Percy! Are you even listening?" and mutters from the twins of "What a twat..."

He turned his nose up to the air. What did he care what anyone thought, anyway? And so what if he was a twat? At least he was a twat with a shiny badge and a sense of authority. And the thought that Fred and George would _never_ be in the same position as him kept him warm at night.

As he got onto the train, he was accosted by his roommate and on-and-off friend Oliver Wood. "Hey Perce, guess what I got?" he asked jubilantly, his hands clasped secretively behind his back.

"That I would really rather it if you called me Percy?" he muttered sarcastically. Of all his years of knowing Oliver, that was the one thing he had NEVER, EVER gotten.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that," Oliver laughed. "And anyway, you're wrong. I got..."

He paused for effect, before whipping a broomstick from behind his back. "Ta-da!" At the blank look on Percy's face, he said "It's a Nimbus! Newest model! Straight out of the US of A! Flies like a feather!"

"Actually, feathers have quite poor aerodynamic qualities..."

"Oh, man, whatever! Anyway, as Quidditch captain this year, I'm going to need the best broom, so my parents got it for me! Isn't it awesome? And check this out, I had my name engraved over here-"

By this point, Percy had decided that he didn't really care, and felt that it was time to cut the enthusiast off before he was trapped. "Lovely, really, Oliver, but I simply must get to my Prefect duties, you know, patrol and all that..." At this point, he held out the part of his robe upon which sat his shiny badge.

Oliver looked a little hurt, but managed to cover it up quickly. "Yeah, you do that. I'll see you tonight then."

"That's inevitable," Percy said, smiling slightly as he walked off to start his patrols. He honestly felt a little sorry for Oliver. He was so good at Quidditch, and he was so popular with the girls, but his marks were never particularly spectacular. It was a pity, because if he was as dedicated to work as he was to Quidditch, he could be second in the grade! Second to Percy, of course.

And, Percy thought to himself with bemusement, even though a guy like him could have any friends that he wanted, he attached himself to Percy, quite inexplicably. This was a mixed blessing. For someone like Percy, no friend could go amiss, especially when you were as unpopular as he was, but then again, Oliver wasn't exactly Percy's "kindred spirit".

Percy's thoughts would've wandered further, perhaps even into uncharted territory, but his mental processes were interrupted by the arrival of Penelope Clearwater, a Ravenclaw 5th year, on the scene.

"Hiya, Percy!" she said chirpily, popping up out of nowhere and walking alongside him. "Mind if I patrol with you?"

He gulped. "No, not at all, Penelope, I'd love it if you patrolled with me because I have a massive crush on you and I have to rush to the bathroom every time you so much as look at me, so let's just walk along together, and you'll have to excuse me if I don't look your way or if you suddenly see me spinning around in circles as though to stop my robes from clinging suspiciously to my body. But by all means, stay and patrol with me."

As if.

What Percy _actually_ said was "Y- um- ah- yes."

"Oh, if you _do_ mind, I can just go patrol elsewhere..."

"N... no! What I meant is, um, yes, by all means patrol with me, which is in effect no, but you know, questions which require negative answers in order to be positive are very confusing, and, um..."

Percy was stopped by Penelope's laugh, which made his insides twist up, do a somersault, jump up his throat, attach themselves to a bungee rope and continue to bounce up and down. "Oh, Percy, you're _so_ funny!"

Percy looked highly proud of himself. Funny _and_ a Prefect. _And_ highly sexy. He thought. It was distinctly hard to look sexy in the way that every boy of sixteen so aspires to do when you wear glasses as thick as an iceberg, second-hand robes and to top it all off, are ginger. _Nobody_ finds gingers sexy. _Nobody_.

As they walked down the corridors together, Percy listened as attentively as he possibly could to all of Penelope's tales about her summer break.

His goal for this year was to become as popular as he could, seeing it was the only thing barring him from the trifecta of status that was marks (top of the grade, ohhhhh yeah), authority (shiny Prefect badge) and popularity (still working on that one). The main plan of attack to gain popularity was to get a girlfriend as popular, good-looking and buxom as Penelope. And seeing as she had been the main object of his affections since he had discovered hormones, she was his obvious choice. He had been writing to her for all of the break, and trying his best to flirt with his quill.

So while he listened to her talking about who-cares-what, his mind worked hard to formulate a funny quip for when they eventually lapsed into silence, which he knew they would. And they did.

"Y'know, there must be a rule that a Prefect's name should start with P. I mean, there's _us_, and there's the fact that that badge has a P on it..."

Again, that laugh. Percy gritted his teeth and, although he had never attempted a non-verbal spell before, tried his absolute _hardest_ to transfigure his cotton y-fronts into pants of steel. (_Please_ don't tell me you were under the impression that wizards went commando... ?)

"Oh, Percy, let's go back to the Prefects' compartment!" Penelope gushed. "I'm so bored of patrolling."

"Wonderful idea. I'm sure it will be empty, and we can make out and then you can be my girlfriend and I'll be amazingly popular and all that and maybe in the carriage my, um, affliction will be less noticeable."

Percy just nodded. When they reached the compartment, however, it was already occupied. The other 5th year Ravenclaw Prefect was slumped in a seat next to the window. As soon as he saw them enter, he got up and embraced Penelope in a not-at-all-platonic manner. Percy shuddered.

"Percy, you know Peter? My co-Prefect and boyfriend."

Percy almost choked. Peter was taller than him, much more muscular, a lot better looking, wore the very best of robes, no glasses, and most definitely wasn't ginger.

"Uh, no, I don't believe we've met."

"Nice to meet you, Percy," Peter said, taking Percy's hand stiffly, only to receive a rather floppy handshake in return.

"Percy made a joke about all Prefects' names beginning with P, so I thought he absolutely _had_ to meet you!" Penelope said, followed by a laugh.

Percy clenched his fists. "I should get back to my patrolling."

Penelope looked a little downcast. "Oh, already? But you just got in!"

"Yeah, and now I've got to get out... I'll see you around. Maybe." And with that he fled out of the compartment. He felt as though he was going to throw up. He needed to get well away from anything that reminded him of Penelope, so patrolling was, unfortunately, out of the question. He also had to distance himself from any Ravenclaws.

On his way down the corridor, he almost bumped into the food trolley, which could have been disastrous. Hastily getting some coins out of the pocket of his robes, he bought a bottle of pumpkin juice and dashed on past, pursued by a very weird look from the trolley lady.

There was loud laughter coming out of a compartment nearby, and Percy glanced in to see Oliver showing his Nimba-whatsit to Jack, Thom and Daffyd, their other roommates, who sat transfixed with the amazingly aerodynamic broomstick. He pushed open the door and, slamming it behind him, flopped down on the seat next to Oliver. He flipped the cap off his bottle of pumpkin juice and drank it all in one mouthful.

Percy looked up to see all the eyes in the compartment on him. "Who said you could sit in here?" Daffyd asked scornfully.

Percy managed to look a little affronted, as much as you could with your mouth full of pumpkin juice. Before he could swallow it and say anything, he found himself not needing to.

"I did," Oliver stated matter-of-factly. "Percy's my friend, and so I think he's _more_ than entitled to sit in my compartment."

The other three rolled their eyes, and gave Percy a "you're-lucky-_he_-likes-you" look. Then they just went on with whatever they had been discussing before as if he wasn't there at all.

Later, as Percy was walking off the train, he noticed Penelope and Peter standing a bit too close together, holding hands. Disgusting. He wished it was him instead of Peter, and that Peter was walking jealously a few paces behind them with murder in his eyes.

When they reached the entrance to the Great Hall, he watched angrily as the couple stopped for a bit of a snog, and, in his anger, stormed over past his usual place at the table with Oliver and instead made his way to the head of the table, sitting down opposite that girl that Ron had a fairly obvious crush on, Hermione Granger. He didn't pay any attention whatsoever to the usual speeches, or the sorting, and he didn't even cheer or shake any hands when the Hat cried out "Gryffindor!"

Once or twice Hermione might have asked him what was wrong, but he was much too engulfed in his own anger to pay any attention to anything else, and so eventually she got the message and shut up. Once he had finished his meal, he went straight up to his dorm without stopping to help direct the first years. Instead, he hid himself in his corner of the room and started reading his new Potions textbook. He didn't even check whether his brother had arrived safely. After all, hormone-fuelled teenagers have no interest in anyone but themselves.

No-one came into the dorm for quite a while, and Percy most definitely preferred it that way. It was the first day back, and everyone would be down in the common room having the obligatory catch-up session, how were your holidays, what did you get up to, et cetera. Percy never really had anyone to catch up with, though, so he usually retired to his dorm. Of course, he would catch up with Oliver, but that would usually be done on the train or over dinner, and would usually consist of Oliver telling Percy all about his holidays and then bombarding him with not-quite-intrusive questions.

At around ten, Oliver stumbled into the dorm room with a large grin on his face. "Perce, y've gotta come downstairs! We are having this EPIC game of spin the wand, and..."

"No thank you, Oliver, but very kind of you to offer."

"Aw, come on! You've been sulking in here _all night_!"

"Yes, and I'd much rather stay, but thanks all the same."

At this point, the ever-astute Oliver picked up the iciness in Percy's tone that had replaced the usual self-righteousness, and the fact that he didn't look up from his book as he spoke, which, as Percy very often reminded him, was impolite. He took this as his cue to sit on the edge of his friend's bed and ask him what the matter was.

"What's up, Percy? You're not yourself tonight."

Percy sighed. "Why should I tell you?"

"Because I'm your best friend, idiot," Oliver said, but despite his words, there was no harshness in his voice. "You'll feel better if you get it off your chest, I promise you."

Either Percy was very easily persuaded, or there was something very reassuring in the way Oliver spoke to him, because he responded with "There's this girl, this girl who I... who I fancy, and we've been good friends for a while, only today I discovered that she has a boyfriend."

"What's her name?"

"Penelope. She's a Ravenclaw."

Oliver nodded omnisciently. "Great tits."

"Oh, Merlin!" Percy snapped, "Is that all boys think about? YES, she has great tits, but that's not why I like her! ... Well, not the main reason, anyway..."

An uneasy silence came over them for a few moments, which Percy eventually broke. "Oliver?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you... do you think that gingers are sexy?"

"Gingers as in you and your brothers and all that?"

"Yeah."

Oliver paused for a moment, considering his answer. Finally, he decided on "Yes, yes I do think that gingers are sexy. Why do you ask?"

"I don't think that Penelope finds gingers sexy."

"Ah, but there's the matter of the eternal ginger enigma at play here, solved only by those who have had _relations_ with a ginger!"

Percy raised an eyebrow. "What enigma? I'm ginger, so how come I've never heard of it?"

Oliver giggled childishly. "If you don't know, I sure as hell ain't going to tell you!"

"Tell me!"

"Promise you won't, um, get angry?"

Percy nodded.

Oliver, putting a hand over his mouth to stop himself from losing grip and bursting into laughter, muttered something softly that Percy couldn't quite understand.

"What was that?"

"Ginger pubes. The enigma is, do gingers have ginger pubes?"

Percy's face flushed red. "Are you being _quite_ serious? Say that one more time!" It was more a threat than a command.

"GINGER PUBES!" Oliver screeched, giving into his giggles and clutching his side as he fell backwards onto Percy's bed, still laughing.

Percy, in all his rage, easily flipped himself out of his seated position and threw himself on top of Oliver, straddling him, and instructing his hands to grip him around the throat. "_Say it one more time!_" he spat through clenched teeth. He _needed_ to know that he was hearing correctly.

"Percy-" he started, short of breath, about to request that he be released from Percy's grip before he said it again, when the door to the room flung open.

Imagine for a moment, if you will, that you were Jack, Thom or Daffyd at this point in time. Your game of spin the wand wasn't going to well (Oliver tended to be the life of the party), and so you had decided to head back up to your dorm and pack it in early. Well, early for some. On your way up the stairs, you could hear muffled shouting and laughter from your dorm, and you started to get a little suspicious as to what was going on in there.

When you opened the door, the sight that greeted your eyes made you do a double-take and question your dependable vision. Your two roommates, the Quidditch Captain and the Prefect, were engaging in what for all the world appeared to be foreplay on the latter's bed, despite the fact that they were both fully clothed. You would have seen Oliver lying on the bed, giggling, and responding to Percy's demand of "say it one more time" with a call of the other's name that sounded remarkably orgasmic. But for all you know, Oliver COULD have been getting pleasure from being straddled and choked by Percy. You've always had your suspicions that he's been into the kinky side of things. And Percy... well, who knew what Percy was capable of? He was so quiet, but you know what they say! The quiet ones are the best, if you follow.

You may now step out of the body of whichever roommate you chose to step in to, as we return our focus to what was going on between Percy and Oliver. What _was_ going on between Percy and Oliver?

Neither of them, in fact, noticed when the door opened. It took Jack's cry of "Get a room, you two!" to pull them out of their respective states of blind fury and breathless amusement, following which Percy released his captive and spun off to the side, mumbling "Oh, _shit_."

Oliver was still laughing as he sat up and gasped for breath, not a healthy combination. In response to the accusing eyes that gaped at them, Percy, in a high-pitched voice, said "It's not what you think! I was strangling him because he accused me of, um..."

Realising how stupid - not to mention suss - it would seem if he finished that with "having ginger pubes," Percy blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"... being a twat! Yeah, he called me a twat, so I, um... decided to strangle him..."

"Way to overreact," muttered Thom, as he walked noncommittally over to his own bed. "Freak," added Daffyd. They were all too firewhiskey-stoned to pick up on the fact that no-one, not even Perfect Prefect Percy Rod-Up-His-Arse Weasley would strangle someone for calling him a twat, otherwise half the school would be dead. Or that Oliver was grinning madly. No-one grins after being strangled for calling someone a twat. Their reaction would be similar to the three other boys': "What the hell?"

They all took to their beds, not another word being exchanged about Percy and Oliver's curious activities, but Percy noticed out of the corner of his eye that before Oliver got into his bed (mere feet away from Percy's), he flicked his wand off the bedside table and pointed it at Percy, still smiling.

Percy had flinched instinctively at first, fully expecting Oliver to jinx him for lashing out at him like that. When nothing happened, he remembered that Oliver hadn't look mad at all, only a little confused, and perhaps amused. Which Percy was pretty sure made "bemused". Before he could fall asleep, Percy always liked to sort out everything on his mind, and tonight that meant why Oliver had pointed his wand at him. After several minutes of contemplation (was he going to jinx me, but didn't? But then why was he smiling? Was it an accident? But then why was he looking straight at me?), Percy had all but given up, when a terrible, horrible, and totally unreasonable thought popped into his mind.

Spin the wand.

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**Author's note:** Well, there we go. This is a bribe fic for my co-account owner _Lacrima_ so that she would write her fic "Tiara". Watch this space. Anyway, I hope you like it. Please leave a review! Any criticism or "hey, that's not canon" would be greatly appreciated, and, oh, go on, flamers are welcome. I love a good debate. And... story-alert! You know you want to!

- Love from _Legs_


	2. Whispers and Conspiracies

I'd like to thank **rebekahalana** and **Nikki Diamond** for adding my story to their alerts, and **Nikki Diamond**and **animefanboy8888** for the lovely reviews. This chapter is for you guys and _Lacrima_. I hope you all enjoy it!

- _Legs_

_Disclaimer:_ Nothing is mine, etc.

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Chapter 2: Whispers and Conspiracies

Percy frowned. He had woken up in a bit of a state, to say the least. He had been having this horrible dream. There was Penelope, and she was snogging Peter, and Percy was just standing there watching them. It was as though he was invisible. And then Jack, Thom and Daffyd came along, and, oh god, they were laughing, and Percy just knew what was coming.

"Hey, Penelope! Guess what?" Daffyd called.

At this point, Penelope broke away from Peter and turned towards them. _As if they were more important than her snogging_, Percy thought bitterly. "What is it, Daffyd?" she asked curiously.

"You'll never guess what our Percy was up to last night," Daffyd replied, laughing. Even though it _was_ just a dream, Percy resented Daffyd's use of the term "_our_" in relation to Percy. The only person that Percy ever wanted to belong to was Penelope. And possibly his parents. But not in that way.

"What was it, Daffyd?" "He was..." - here, Daffyd stopped to laugh at his own ingenuity - "he was dry-humping Oliver!"

Penelope's expression contorted into one of shock. "He was... WHAT?"

Daffyd, Jack and Thom all laughed evilly. "Dry-humping! And they were _really_ getting it off!"

But then came the worst part of the dream. At that point, Penelope coldly turned her back, replying "Well, why're you telling me? I couldn't care less!"

Dream Percy was cut, and so too, to an extent, was Real Percy. Sure, maybe she wouldn't really react like that if she _was_ told, but Percy sure as hell wasn't going to test that hypothesis.

But it did occur to him that Daffyd, the bastard, might try and spread it around. So as Percy rubbed his eyes, stretched, and got up out of bed, all these angry thoughts were spiralling suicidally around in his brain, occasionally crashing into a neural pathway connected to his nervous system and sending shivers of discontent down his spine.

Still thinking about what a dirty, rotten bastard that Dream Daffyd was, he muttered angrily to himself. However, the word that came out the loudest as he stumbled towards his morning slippers (the night ones were white - easier to see in the dark - but Percy hadn't taken into account that it was still pretty damn hard to find burgundy slippers on a burgundy carpet in the morning) was "_cockface_!"

And that was what Daffyd heard. "Cockface? You mean your boyfriend has a face full of your cock?"

"No, I was talking about _your_ face!" Percy snapped. And then actually stopped to think about what he'd just said. The tried-and-tested "your face!" had just backfired spectacularly in _his_ face.

Daffyd laughed loud enough to alert Jack, Thom and Oliver that something that they were potentially missing out on was happening, and so they slipped not-so-surreptitiously over to Percy's side of the room.

"Whas goin' on?" Jack slurred. He looked markedly hungover.

Daffyd laughed, a laugh eerily similar to the one he had in Percy's dream, and replied "Percy's just telling me how he'd like my face to be full of his cock!"

Jack laughed like the cling-on he was, and Thom just rolled his eyes. Oliver was quite evidently annoyed.

"I'm sure that wasn't what you meant, was it, Perce?" he asked.

"No," Percy agreed. As he did whenever he was angry, he stiffened up, pursed his lips and tried to look as imposing as he could. "I was, in fact, not using cock as a noun, but as an adjective, and was referring to Daffyd as a cockface because of..." Would it sound stupid to say "... because of something he did in my dream"? Or should Percy just say "... because of the fact that he's a complete cockface"? The lame way out.

"... because of something he did in my dream. Which was, you know, cockfaced. And all that."

Oliver smiled at Percy, and then turned to Daffyd. "See, Daffyd, you got it all wrong!"

Percy returned the smile. Oliver was standing up for him! How... chivalrous!

"And besides," Oliver added, "Percy doesn't need your face for his cock, he's got mine!"

Percy froze, all the colour draining from his skin in record time. He ran the words over a couple of times in his head to make sure he had heard that right. He had.

Oliver winked at his statue-like figure as he flounced out of the room, looking a bit _too_ pleased with himself. What a cockface.

At breakfast that morning, Percy sat by himself and absorbed himself solely in his toast. He tried not to think about why Jack, Thom and Daffyd were sitting with Fred and George, both of whom seemed to be laughing rather animatedly.

That night, when Percy walked into his room, there was only Oliver, and he was sitting cross-legged on his bed, using a strange contraption. Percy guessed that it was Muggle technology. It was a silver frisbee-type object, with a cord coming out of it that split in two and formed earmuffs at the ends. Oliver was nodding his head very slowly. Very strange.

And so the ever-tactful Percy approached him, pulled the earmuffs off his head and asked "What the _hell_is that?" "_This_, my friend, is a Walkman!" Oliver said, grinning. "Best thing the Muggles ever invented."

"Muggle technology? How come it works around here?"

"I enchanted it. It runs off magic now."

Percy nodded. "And what do you do with it?"

"You pop in this thing called a CD, it's like a little, shiny disc, and then you press a couple of buttons and it plays music out of the headphones. Here, have a listen." Oliver took the "headphones" from around his neck and slipped them neatly over Percy's head. As he sat himself on the edge of the bed, he heard noise coming out of the headphones, which sounded, to his horror, like a rioting crowd.

"And this is Muggle music?"

"Can't you hear the piano? It's just warming up!"

Sure enough, soon the piano came in, and after that a voice, guitar, and drums. Percy listened closely to the foreign tune, with particular interest in the Muggle singer's accent. It was quite different to anything he'd ever heard. "What's this song?" he asked.

"It's by this wicked group called 'The Smiths'."

"That's a pretty bad name for a band," Percy mumbled. "Anyway, you didn't tell me what the song's called."

At this, Oliver's face lit up. "It's called _Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me_."

Percy scowled as Oliver tried his very hardest not to laugh, and burst out with "BECAUSE WE TOTALLY DIDN'T HAVE SEX LAST NIGHT!"

Taking off the headphones, Percy got up off Oliver's bed, and put the headphones back over his head. "I'll see you later," he said softly, walking over to his own bed and burying himself in the books that Professor Lockhart had assigned for them to read. _What a load of bollocks..._

xxx

The next week of lessons passed as blandly as they usually did. Percy sat where he always did, worked with his usual precision, talked to the usual no-one. Every time he passed Penelope in the corridors, or caught her eye across the Great Hall over lunch, he could tell what she was thinking. The extent to which Oliver had played up to the rumour hadn't exactly helped either.

Percy had overheard a couple of fourth years whispering over breakfast one morning. "Did you hear? They say that Oliver Wood..."

"Who?"

"Our Quidditch captain, stupid! Anyway, they say he's going out with that uptight Prefect Percy."

"Percy Weasley? The Twins' brother?"

"The very same! Apparently their roommates walked in on them getting intimate, if you catch my drift!"

Honestly, he thought, they should've known better than to gossip about something that they really had no authority on. Then again, only a few feet away, Oliver was boasting to Angelina Johnson about how much Percy had enjoyed it. Percy didn't exactly know what "it" referred to, and he quite frankly did _not_ want to. Even for the smartest person in the grade, sometimes ignorance can be bliss, and Percy would much rather have been ignorant of the rumours going around about him and Oliver.

So towards the end of the week, Percy decided that he really, _seriously_, needed to have a bit of a talk with Oliver about this. He managed to catch him on the way out of Potions, their last class on Friday afternoon.

"Oliver?" Percy called out, grabbing the back of his robe. He so very wanted to open with a hackneyed "We need to talk", but he was sure that Oliver would just burst out laughing, which would most definitely _not_ lead to any chance of serious conversation.

"I ned to have a word with you," he started.

"Oh yes? Go on, gorgeous," Oliver responded with a wink.

Percy blinked and paused for a moment, before saying "Yes, quite. That's the issue here. You see, there a quite a few people who seem to be under the impression that, uh, you and I are... you know..."

He really didn't want to have to say it.

"Shagging?" Oliver suggested.

"Yes, or, um, something to that extent..."

Percy suddenly found himself turning a ghastly shade of red that clashed awfully with his hair. And what was worse, he couldn't quite control the hotness that was spreading through his body, or the tightness that he felt in his stomach. He put it down to nerves. Yes, nerves. Nerves due to the fact that Penelope could round the corner any moment now and overhear this potentially embarrassing conversation.

Oliver, too, looked a fair bit out of sorts. He clearly sensed how uncomfortable Percy was, and his cheeks reddened. When he spoke, he rubbed the back of his head anxiously. "Listen, Perce-"

"Percy."

"Whatever. What I was saying is that I know what you're going to say, and I think that I probably have taken this a little too far... and, y'know, if you like, I can just tell everyone that I was just kidding around, and that, I dunno, someone dared us to. I'm sure I could get Thom to cover for us..."

Percy nodded, and smiled weakly, glad that he didn't have to say anything. Oliver really had read his mind.

"Fun while it lasted though, eh?" Oliver asked optimistically.

"No," Percy replied firmly, "not at all." He felt as though if Oliver said anything else he would break down into tears. Which was a _very_ un-Percy thing to do.

Oliver frowned. "You look like you need a hug."

Percy frowned back. "Men don't hug."

"This one does," Oliver answered cheekily, forcing himself upon Percy. Percy felt his arms crushed to his sides, all the breath forced out of his lungs, and the strange sensation of Oliver's head resting upon his shoulder. Not strange as in unusual, because Oliver's head seemed to find its way to Percy's shoulder every time he got bored and fell asleep in class, but strange as in "wow, this should _not_ feel this good". Perhaps, Percy pondered, he must just really like being hugged. If this was how it felt to hug Oliver, he could only imagine just how amazing it would be to hug Penelope. _Damn_.

When, at last, Oliver pulled away, Percy was still red in the face, but for an entirely different reason.

xxx

Having successfully "broken up" with Oliver, and having restored his reputation, Percy and his shiny Prefect badge set out on a brand new mission of separation: this time, he _was_ going to get Penelope. And more importantly, he was going to get her away from Peter. Permanently.

The only problem with this grand plan was that Percy had about as much experience in romantic intervention as an owl has in playing the piano in a funny little top hat. Added to this harsh truth was the unshakeable fact that Percy was in a different house to Penelope and Peter. And a different year. If he was going to break them up, he needed to find out more about them, which was going to be disasterously hard. It was due to this that Percy decided that he needed a spy in Ravenclaw to suss out what the couple got up to in their spare time, if one had a trait that the other couldn't stand, and other facts of that nature.

Apart from Penelope, the Ravenclaw that Percy knew the best was Kathleen, a friendly and incredibly bright girl in his Ancient Runes class with the strongest Irish accent you would ever hear. As he contemplated getting Kathleen to spy for him, Percy wondered why he had chosen Penelope over Kathleen. They were both in Ravenclaw, which made them instantly smart, and the type of girl that Percy went for, but Kathleen was a lot more of an all-rounder than Penelope. She did almost as well as Percy in everything_and_ she was on the Quidditch team _and_ she was popular _and_ all the teachers loved her, even Snape. _And_ she was single. Then he remembered that Penelope was blonde, gorgeous and had great tits and Kathleen... well, Kathleen was just plain and flat.

"Uh, Kathleen?"

"Oh, hey, Percy. 'Sup?"

"Yes, and, ah... _'sup_ to you too. Listen, would I be able to ask a huge favour of you?"

"Sure thing! What is it you'd like me to do for you?"

Percy gulped. "It's a little strange..."

Kathleen cut him off with a grating cackle - yet another reason he preferred Penelope, he reminded himself - and said "Gosh, Percy, _I'm_ a little strange!"

"Yes, um, in that case, I would like you to, um, spy for me."

Kathleen laughed again. "_Spy_ for you? And what on earth is there for me to spy _on_?"

"Penelope Clearwater."

For once, Kathleen was silent. "Alright-ee-o, Percy, and _why_ exactly d'you want me to spy on her?"

Percy cleared his throat nervously. "Because I want to break her and her boyfriend up."

"Gosh, Percy, that's a bit harsh. Even for you!"

Percy wanted to ask "And what the hell is _that_ meant to mean?", but he _really_needed Kathleen to agree to spy for him, otherwise he could see no other way to go about this. Other than walking up to Penelope, snogging her, and asking her kindly if she would please break up with her boyfriend. But Percy didn't have the balls for that.

"Yes, well, I really like her, okay? And I want to ask her out. But she has a boyfriend. So I want you to spy on her and tell me what she likes, and maybe what she does with _Peter_." He almost spat the name out of disgust.

Kathleen shook her head. "Oh, Percy. You may be the smartest in the grade, but when it comes to affairs of the heart, you're a complete newbie. You must understand, and you will understand one day, that espionage is _not_ the way to get someone to reciprocate your feelings for them."

Percy was gobsmacked. _This_ was why he didn't make it into Ravenclaw.

"And," she continued, "the best way to get someone to like you is to spend a lot of time with them, and get to know them for yourself, rather than getting someone to know them for you. And being very nice."

Nodding like a child who had just been put in his place for being naughty, Percy hastily thanked her and headed for the Great Hall where everyone was having dinner. He had some impinging on someone else's territory to do.

"Oh, and, Percy?"

"Mhmm?"

"Out of interest, why Penelope?" The subtext here of course being, "why not me?"

Percy shrugged. "Does romance _have_ to be rational?"

Kathleen smiled. "'Course not. It's just... well, it's you. And I always though that, you know..."

Percy raised an eyebrow. "Though that I what?"

"That you had a bit of a thing with Oliver."

"Merlin, Kathleen! That was one week's worth of rumours! Aren't you too smart to believe that rubbish?"

She smiled. "I'm so smart that I'd picked up on it years before. I'd always thought it was fairly obvious. But you're straight?"

"DAMN RIGHT I'm straight!" Percy almost yelled. "I mean... why would you think otherwise?"

"You've always just had a bit of an air of batting for the other team about you, that's all. And you may not see it, but _I_ reckon whichever team Oliver's batting for, he's _definitely_ batting for you."

Percy was a little ashamed by the fact that the first thing that came to mind was that "Oliver doesn't bat for any team, he's a keeper". The second thing, however, was "thank you, Kathleen, but I've had _quite_ enough unsolicited romantic advice for one day," and that was what he snapped as he turned away from Kathleen and walked as quickly as he could in the other direction.

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**Author's Note:** Well, that wasn't as long as the last chapter, but I'm pleased with it. Whilst working on this one, I decided to take the story in a dramatically different direction, involving Percy being in MASSIVE denial. So it should get good. The plot is a lot like this other thing I wrote with _Lacrima_... I recycle my plots. =D  
Anyway, leave a review, and all shall be awesome and good and you'll get a reply, I promise. 3


	3. Seduction, Percy Style

Big thanks to **Nikki Diamond** (again!) who looks set to be my best reader/reviewer. I hope you enjoy this chapter. There's some fun stoof happening. And... _Lacrima_! Tell me if the cuteness gets too much!

- _Legs_

Also, it has come to my attention that my disclaimers and Author's Notes haven't appeared in the last two chapters. Something happens when I edit a document after I've added it as a chapter, and the changes don't translate into the actual fic. If anyone can help me rectify this, please do.

**Disclaimer**: Nothing is mine, etc.

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3. Seduction, Percy-Style

Percy woke up bright and early, and was slightly alarmed by the fact that he was the only one in his room. Oliver had left a note on his bed-side table written hurriedly, with the words "_4:45 am, gone Quidditching. Early bird gets worm, gonna knock some skill into these bludgers, pardon play on words. See you in Charms, love, O_..."

The rest of Oliver's name deteriorated into scribble. And it suddenly hit Percy why Kathleen thought he was "with" Oliver. Whenever Oliver left the dorm earlier than Percy, he left him a note (generally scrawled on the back of some discarded Quidditch tactics), and finished with the very formal "Love, Oliver". One of their other roommates could quite easily have mentioned this to Kathleen in passing, and, if it had been Daffyd, followed it with "how gay is that?"

Percy slapped the front of his head angrily. Various other situations in which it could have been construed that he and Oliver acted like a couple popped into his mind. Every time Oliver won a game of Quidditch, he would hug _Percy_ (in a different way to _that_hug), not the rest of his team, and he would go to _Percy_ for praise, never anyone else. When he found out that he was going to be the next Quidditch Captain, he practically _kissed_ Percy. Percy suddenly remembered with horror that he _had_ kissed him, a memory which he had quite happily repressed. Thankfully no-one had seen except Professor McGonagall, and she had looked quite amused by it. And it wasn't a proper kiss, anyway. It was more a "shoving of one pair of lips onto another and leaving them there for a few seconds". And Percy had convinced himself that Oliver was so jubilant that he would've kissed a blast-ended skrewt if it was the nearest object to him. Thus perfectly justifying his kissing of Percy.

Then there was that time that he and Oliver had linked arms and skipped through Hogsmeade whilst singing Celestina Warbeck songs, completely and utterly plastered after a bit too much Meade at the end of their O.W.L.s. And the less said about that the better.

But Percy definitely wasn't gay. He gave a bit of a shudder when he remembered how confused Kathleen had looked when he told her that he was straight.

And thus began Day One of Percy's campaign for Penelope, which he had secretly nicknamed P+P-P=PxP (where P=1 or 0). He knew he had a long and arduous road ahead of him. It would be hard enough to sit at the Ravenclaw table over breakfast, let alone to sit there without being noticed by anyone other than Penelope. Luckily, Kathleen was sitting right near Penelope, and everyone knew that they were friends, so Percy made his way boldly to the Ravenclaw table and squeezed in next to Kathleen.

She shot him a very weird look indeed. "What the hell're you doing here, Percy?"

Percy gestured with his head to where Penelope was sitting, and Kathleen gave him a knowing look back, as if to say "Ah, so you _are_ going to take my advice..."

"Percy?" Penelope said, confused, having suddenly noticed his existence. "What're you doing here?"

Right there and then, an idea came to Percy's head like an object to a summoning charm. He was going to make Penelope jealous. Not for the first time, Percy did something rather sneaky and underhanded to get what he wanted.

"Oh, I'm just talking to Kathleen," he replied uncaringly, and then turned back to a highly amused Kathleen (who could see right through him) with an "Anyway, so as I was saying..."

Percy glanced at Penelope to see her looking a little offended and confused. Just as he had planned. He _did_ feel a little guilty for being so mean to the girl of his dreams (quite literally), but he _had_ planned to do whatever it took to make her his. And so he did.

Instead of doing as Kathleen had advised him to and getting friendlier with Penelope, he spent the whole of breakfast talking solely to Kathleen, and only occasionally turning to look at Penelope. A couple of times, she caught his eye and smiled at him, but, as much as it pained him, he looked away without another thought.

His plan had, in fact, worked a charm. That afternoon when classes ended, Percy had decided not to pursue Penelope, but rather to go to the Quidditch pitch and watch Oliver yell at the players in his charge. And yell he did. It seemed as though he had come up with a new strategy which more than a few players had an objection to, and was trying to win them over by way of aggression, and, from what Percy could hear, threats of mutilation.

After a tiring session of staring unconsciously at Oliver, Percy walked down to the pitch so he could talk to his friend from outside the shower room while he changed, and then accompany him back up to the dorms. As it was, however, as he was walking down, he was accosted by Penelope.

"Percy! There you are! I've been meaning to ask you, I need some advice on my Ancient Runes essay, and I was hoping you could help me out."

Percy smiled gawkily at her. His plan seemed to have worked. "Well, sure, Penelope. I'd be more than happy to help. Why don't we head to the library?"

"Sounds good to me!"

Percy turned and walked in the opposite direction with Penelope, not stopping to tell Oliver where he was going. If he had, he would've seen the look of sheer disappointment that crossed Oliver's face when he realised that Percy wasn't going to make it down to the pitch. Angelina, however, noticed this look and, as Oliver stood there in a daze, walked up and patted him on the back. "Patience, Captain," she said soothingly, "it'll happen eventually."

xxx

When they reached the library, Percy deliberately chose the most secluded table, in the darkest corner right beside the restricted section. This was a golden opportunity for him.

"So, Penelope, what did you need help with?"

Penelope laughed, and Percy thanked Merlin that his lower half was well-concealed under the table. "Oh, Percy, call me Penny!"

He smiled as sexily as he could manage, and nodded. "Penny."

She grinned stupidly back at him. "Penny and Percy!"

He grinned equally as stupidly back. "Penny and Percy!"

Just when things were looking up for Percy, Penelope went into business mode and pulled out her essay. Being as intellectually gifted as he was, Percy had no trouble with Penelope's queries, and in no time she had finished her essay and they were just chatting to each other normally, as, Percy thought to himself, couples might.

Percy's luck, however, took a turn for the worse which would lead to a turn for the better.

Changing the subject, Penelope asked "So the first week back must've been pretty tough for you, eh?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, you know, there was all that going around about you and Oliver..."

Ah, here came the dreaded subject. _Well_, Percy thought, _if she's going to be my girlfriend eventually, we might as well get this out of the way early_.

"Yeah, but it's all good now."

She smiled at him. "I'm glad."

They were silent for a few moments, until Penelope, apparently having just had a thought come to her, started giggling to herself.

"What is it?" Percy asked.

"Well," she replied, between giggles, "I've _always_ wanted a gay friend!"

_Oh god. Oh god. Not HER too!_

"Well then," Percy said, as stiffly and demurely as he could, "I wish you luck in finding one."

Penelope looked a little bit confused. For a Ravenclaw, she could be quite ditzy at times. "You mean you're _not_... ?"

Percy glared daggers at her. "No, I bloody well am not. And I wish I knew why everyone bloody thinks I am!"

"We-ell... you _do_ hang around girls a lot. I mean, you're a guy who's basically friends with lots of girls, like Kathleen, but is only ever seen around one guy. To _some_ people, that might seem a little... well, gay."

Percy sniffed. "I can assure you, Penny, that I am absolutely, definitely, certainly straight."

"You sure?" she asked with a laugh.

"Completely," replied Percy, who didn't find anything remotely funny about the situation.

"Well then, that changes everything!"

"Yes, you're just going to have to find yourself someone who is _actually_ gay to be your gay friend. I mean, I'm sorry, but-"

"There's a Hogsmeade visit this Saturday. Let's hang out together. Just us. I'll get Peter away for the day. How does that sound?"

Percy couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was she asking him out? Was she _seriously_ asking him out?

"Are you asking me out?" Percy blurted out tactlessly, stunned amazement written across his face.

Penelope laughed. "I guess you could say that."

"So," Percy mentally did the maths, "I've got a date!"

As Penelope just looked at him, smiling, Percy's joy multiplied infinitely. He jumped up out of his chair, grinning and twirling, and cheering "I'VE GOT A _DATE_!"

Completely forgetting about Penelope, he skipped ebulliently out of the library and all the way to the Gryffindor common room, silently repeating the words over and over to himself: _I've got a date!_

When he got into the common room, he saw Oliver sitting with his back to the door in the corner, talking to Angelina, their heads close together. Percy pirouetted over to Oliver, and, grabbing him around the shoulders, said "Guess what?"

Without even allowing Oliver time to "guess what", or even to turn around, he squealed "I've got a date!"

But when Oliver turned his head to Percy, he looked rather unenthusiastic. His eyes were red and his face was wet, and Percy's smiled immediately disappeared. After all, it would appear insensitive if he kept grinning while his best friend looked like a complete emotional train wreck.

"What's the matter, Oliver?" Percy asked in as restrained a manner as he could manage, but he felt a smile twitching at the corners of his mouth, which he fought to keep back.

In response to his question, Oliver dissolved into tears and put his head in his hands, his whole body shaking with sobs. Percy was shocked. He'd always seen Oliver as such a strong person, except when they lost at Quidditch. But there had been no games lately, and at the end of practise, Oliver had seemed fine. Percy stood in silence, trying to work out what could have happened.

Angelina stood up from her seat and looked fiercely at Percy. "Insensitive _bastard_," she snapped, putting an arm around Oliver's shoulder and running her hand through his hair. As she glared at Percy, he just stood there, unsure of what to say or do. He was filled with three conflicting emotions: joy, because he had a date, sadness, because Oliver was evidently very upset, and anger, because Angelina had been so cold to him, and Oliver couldn't care less about his date. He was ashamed of that last one.

In a confused stupor, Percy walked like a zombie up the stairs and in to his dorm. He was the only one there - it was much too early for Jack, Thom and Daffyd to be back from their usual evening of debauchery, and Oliver was downstairs crying into Angelina's arms. But Percy didn't want to think about that. He tried to focus on Penelope, the wonderful, gorgeous, well-endowed Penelope, his date, his potential-future girlfriend... but his mind kept going back to Oliver and Angelina. Why had they been so close? Why was _she_ comforting him, and not Percy? That was what best friends were for, right? Unless Oliver and Angelina were _more_ than just friends...

The thought filled Percy with an inexplicable terror. Why would Oliver date someone two years younger than himself? Anyway, wasn't Angelina on-and-off dating either Fred or George? Something like that.

Somehow, Percy felt that it was wrong. It didn't seem right that Oliver should be dating Angelina. It just didn't work. Oliver. Angelina. Their names didn't even go together nicely! Not like Percy and Penny. That just sounded right. Or maybe it was that it alliterated. Percy was too far gone with fatigue to notice.

He flopped backwards onto his bed, letting everything that had happened that day sink in. He had secured a date with Penelope; that had been his goal for months now. But what had happened with Oliver... well, that had just put a dampener on things. He felt so awful. He was Oliver's best friend, and he should've been able to comfort him! And why couldn't he stomach the idea that he might be with Angelina?

Percy would've gone on contemplating, and perhaps fallen asleep in his robes, just like that, if it wasn't for Oliver walking in a while later.

Actually, Percy wouldn't have known that it was Oliver if he hadn't reacted to the unusually timid voice that followed the creaking of the door, saying "Perce?"

It sent shivers up Percy's spine, and so he responded, just as softly, with "Oliver? It's Percy."

"I know it's you, Perce. Listen, I should apologise... I was upset earlier, uh... something happened at Quidditch practise. Something... upsetting. Angelina was kindly letting me rant to her, and I'm so sorry that she snapped at you. It's just... well, I think she was annoyed by the amount of sympathy you were showing..."

"So was I," Percy interrupted. "I'm sorry too, Oliver, I would've said something, but I was a little bit overexcited, thanks to Penny- Penelope."

Oliver sat down on the edge of his bed, right next to Percy's, and smiled at the latter, who was still lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. "I may not sound it, but I honestly am happy that you've gotten a date. Really."

Percy felt himself starting to cry. This was not good. He had been having urges of a good, long cry as of late, and these urges were definitely not good ones to give in to. But the tears came just like that, and before he knew it, he was just as Oliver had been earlier. His body was trembling, and he rolled over onto his side. Oliver climbed off his own bed and on to Percy's, lying down beside him, and enfolding him in his arms. Percy felt instantly warmer and secure.

"Oliver," he said between choked sobs, "I'm _so_ sorry..."

Oliver pulled Percy closer and ran a hand through his hair. "You've got _nothing_ to apologise for. Let's just forget today ever happened, how about that?"

"But I've got a date..." Percy repeated hopelessly. It seemed as though he had acquired a new mantra. "I've got a date, and I shouldn't forget that... I don't _want_ to forget that..."

Oliver sighed. "Okay, you're allowed to remember that you've got a date. But nothing else."

"Are you going to wipe my memory?" Percy asked meekly.

"Of course not! I wouldn't dream of it... anyway, altering memories kinda goes against the grain for me."

"So morally upright..."

Oliver laughed. "You can talk!"

Percy wiped his eyes, struggling with the use of his arms due to their inconvenient position in between Oliver's. "I don't uphold moral standards, I enforce the law."

Oliver chuckled, and neither of them said anything after that. However much later it was - both of them had lost track of the time - the door opened and their other three roommates returned into the dorm.

"Oh, god..." muttered Daffyd, "not bloody again!"

Picking himself up, Oliver walked over to them sternly. "I've got one word for you lot..."

Oliver raised his wand.

"_Obliviate_!"

* * *

**Author's Notes:** Ahaha, this chapter is the shortest so far. I promise chapter four will be longer! *crosses fingers behind back*  
Ahem, anyway, I quite like where I went with this. Completely new directions for the plot come to me every now and again. This chapter was full of those. Oh, and if you're wondering what's going on between Oliver and Angelina, you'll have to wait and see! But I can assure you, she'll be playing a bigger part from now on! ;D  
On a side note, what the fuck is up with Harry Potter Fan Fiction (site)? I searched for Percy/Oliver, but then, to my dismay, I remembered that they can include more than two characters in the the thingy. All two pages, pretty much, were Oliver/OC. *Pukes*... And there was one Percy/OC. WTF? DUDE? SRSLY? (He's mine! =D)

Until next time, _Legs_.


	4. First In Line

Well hello! Sorry for the extreme lateness, I've had various assignments that have been keeping me from writing. And just when so many people are getting interested! So here's the thanks list: **Dr. Paranoia**, **werewolf666vampire**, **Jente Bidernais** and of course **Nikki Diamond**. Thank you all for watching and/or reviewing! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

- _Legs_

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing of Harry Potter whatsoever.

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4. First In Line

When Percy woke up on the morning of the Hogsmeade visit, he was greeted by a _very_ grumpy-looking Oliver Wood. Oliver was bedraggled and wet, and sat on the side of his bed wearing a scowl that could ward off a Dementor, and what appeared to be a pair of pink knickers, on his head.

As Percy got up, he could hear Oliver breathing in and out heavily and angrily, and so he decided to approach him and see if, for a change, he could do something to comfort him.

"What happened to _you_?"

_Tactful, Percy. Just wonderful._

"Percy, don't try and speak to me at the moment. I have just been viciously assaulted by your brothers, and if I see any red hair right now, I'm going to kill someone. I turn up to Quidditch practise, as usual, and freaking King Harry thinks he can just come and go whenever he likes, and so he's not bloody there, is he? Ange, Alicia and Katie are there, but they're just gossiping, because someone's asked somebody else out, or some shit, I don't even fucking know! And so I'm waiting, and there are your brothers, the_BASTARDS_-"

Percy didn't bother listening to the rest of the rant. He knew how it went: _Aguamenti_ accompanied by one of their very own specialities, _Subvestamenti_, or, as they called it, the "Bra Bomb".

What Percy was _infinitely_ more concerned about was the fact that, despite being royally annoyed with her, Oliver had referred to Angelina as "Ange". What explanation could there possibly be for that, apart from that they were dating? Then again, Oliver called Percy "Perce", and they most certainly were _not_ dating, but they _were_ best friends. And Oliver had never been particularly close to Angelina, not until this year, anyway.

There was no other reason for it, Percy concluded. They were _definitely_ a couple.

"... and so I bloody well cancelled practise, didn't I? I mean, what else could I do? The girls weren't bloody interested, and your brothers... I am going to _KILL_ them, Percy! _Kill_ them!"

"Oliver, as much as I agree with your sentiments towards the quarter of my immediate family that I am the most ashamed of, I don't think that killing them will prove very effective. At most, it would stop them for a week. Then they'd be back as ghosts, and vicious as ever."

At this, Oliver laughed. The murderous scowl immediately disappeared from his face, and he looked up at Percy, grinning. "Thanks, man. You really know how to make me happy."

Percy smiled back. "Any time, my friend. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go and smarten myself up for my date with Penny."

Oliver's face fell. "Already?"

"Sorry, Oliver. I... I slept in."

"Yeah, whatever. Just enjoy your date, I guess."

Once again utterly oblivious to Oliver's evident disappointment, Percy saluted Oliver as he flounced in the direction of the bathroom.

"Can, and _will_!"

When he came out of the bathroom, Oliver was gone, but he had left a little note for Percy, as usual.

_"Got bored, heading to Hogsmeade. Probably won't see you there. Oliver."_

Percy looked over the note again, and blinked. Was he reading correctly? Had Oliver signed it simply "_Oliver_"? Where was the customary "_Love_"? _Oh Merlin,_ Percy thought to himself, _he didn't sign love... which means he now must place a lot more importance on the word, not to throw it around like he always does... which means he_has_to be in love... in love... in love with ANGELINA!_

Percy gawked at the note, and at the obvious conclusion that he had drawn from it. He felt strangely jealous and angry. Didn't Oliver think that he was good enough for "_Love_" anymore now that he had a girlfriend? Percy's cheeks flushed, and he was _very_close to contemplating the reasons for this jealousy, when he remembered that he had a date to keep, and, hastily shoving Oliver's note under his bed with all the others, ran down to the Great Hall, where he was to meet Penelope.

She was waiting right where they had arranged to meet, at the door of the Hall. He smiled, cheerily but business-like, as he approached her. "Good day, Penny," Percy said, greeting his date with a slightly-too formal handshake. "How are you this fine morning?"

"Percy..." Penelope began with a laugh, "It's midday! It isn't the morning anymore!"

Looking at his (well, Bill's) watch, he noticed, shocked, that Penelope was right. They had arranged to meet at 11:30. For the first time in his life, Percy Weasley was _late_. And to top it all off, Penelope had _actually_ waited for him. Despite being a little debilitated by his lateness, Percy was cheered up by the fact that Penelope cared enough about him to wait so long. Pulling himself back together, he said to Penelope "Well, then, I'd say we head out for some lunch, wouldn't you?"

Penelope smiled. "Of course!

Ever the gentleman, Percy offered her his arm, which she took gladly from him. They were both glad for their closeness; it was fast approaching winter, and there was a chilly wind blowing through the air as they made their way down to Hogsmeade.

Thankfully, it was a lot warmer in the Three Broomsticks. They had chosen the tavern mutually, mainly because Percy was too protective of his last dangling threads of a social reputation (and of course, too shy) to suggest that perhaps Madame Puddifoot's would be a better location, not for the initial purpose of the date, but perhaps for where Percy intended it to end up.

They chose a table near the corner. Well, _Percy_ chose a table near the corner. Despite Penelope's assertions that Peter would be nowhere to be seen, he was still filled with the paranoia and neuroses that came ever so naturally to him. There was a small candle burning on the table that added to the warmth and the atmosphere, and as they sat down Percy ordered two butterbeers from Madame Rosmerta. Frankly, he'd never had much of a taste for alcohol, but Penelope seemed to love the stuff, and Percy would do anything, even down to paying for all her drinks as well as his, to get her thinking about what a great guy he was.

Unfortunately for these grand schemes, Percy was amazingly unskilled at small-talk. Still, he was a Gryffindor, so he tried to be as _brave_ as he could when he opened his mouth and all that came out was "So... you like Ancient Runes?"

Penelope laughed. "Oh, Percy... it's a wonder you don't have more friends, what with icebreakers like that!"

Percy straightened up and sniffed. "Well, I'd like to see _you_ do better!'

"It was just a _joke_, silly!" Penelope replied, giggling. She reached out and placed her hand briefly on Percy's arm, before pulling it away and leaving a red mark on his face. No, hold on, that was just a contact-induced blush.

"I see, well, you'll just have to forgive me. I've never been particularly good with jokes."

"I can tell."

There was an awkward silence between them, in which Penelope sipped contently on her butterbeer, and Percy forced himself to swallow a couple of mouthfuls.

After a while, Penelope spoke. "Percy?"

"Yes?"

"Can I call you 'Perce'?"

Percy considered this point for a moment. Only Oliver had ever called him 'Perce'; he'd drummed it into his family long ago that he was to be called Percy and only Percy. It _was_, after all, preferable to Percival. Then again, Percy had always been the odd one out in his family, and there were occasions when he felt much closer to Oliver to any of them. It wasn't like he _let_ Oliver call him 'Perce', but he was planning on going a lot further than close friendship with Penelope. But on the other hand, Percy had always associated that particular shortening of his name with Oliver, and he wasn't at all sure that he wanted to start subconsciously associating his potential girlfriend with his best friend. And so he decided against it.

"No, I don't think so. I prefer 'Percy'."

Penelope smiled. "Alright, just checking. It's just, Oliver calls you that all the time..."

"Yes, well I honestly can't see how Oliver calling me something translates into me _liking_ him calling me that," Percy replied defensively.

"No worries. I like 'Percy', anyway. It's a cute name."

_Cute? CUTE? She thinks my name is CUTE?_ Percy thought furiously, _is that even possible?_

Evidently so, seeing as Penelope had just said so. Percy reflexively replied "Thank you, and so is yours."

"My name?"

"No, your _nose_," Percy said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. She was being a bit slow.

He immediately regretted saying it, however, as she looked a little offended. "Sorry," Percy mumbled, "I don't tend to think before I speak..."

"You know, Percy," Penelope started, "when I didn't know you as well, I thought you were just cute, awkward and insecure, but now that I've gotten to know you a bit better, I've realised that you're actually a bit of a rude, insensitive bastard who doesn't know how to handle himself socially."

Percy was shocked. Wasn't it ironic, he thought, that she was going on about him being rude, being rude to him herself in the process. But Penelope wasn't done yet.

"However, I've also discovered just how funny you are, how intelligent and focused you are, and that I reckon if you spoke like you do to anyone but me, I'd probably laugh at them. Therefore, I have concluded _that_-" she paused for emphasis, "- that we head out of here and get to know each other a little better outside."

Percy reddened again. What was she insinuating, if anything? Oh, how he wished she was insinuating something incredibly dirty! But as they stood up, Percy realised that she had pretty much figured him out. Cute, probably not, but awkward and insecure? Definitely. And "rude, insensitive bastard" was basically spot on. Percy was the last person to admit it, but he _could_ be a little insensitive at times. Or perhaps he was just passionate, and lacked a way with words. Whatever the case, Percy admired that after such a relatively short acquaintance she seemed to know so much about him, and so he gleefully followed her out of the Three Broomsticks, his mind inventing various different scenarios that might play out over the next few minutes. The vast majority of them involved snogging, and the rest couldn't _possibly_ happen in the middle of Hogsmeade.

On their way out of the tavern, Percy noticed Oliver and Angelina sitting together, and alone, in a dark corner, not unlike to the one that he and Penelope had just left. They seemed to be whispering to each other. They almost looked like they were arguing; Angelina was talking quickly and aggressively to Oliver, and Oliver was sitting back, listening, but his mind seemed to be somewhere else.

"Coming, Percy?" Penelope called. He became aware that he had stopped, and so pulled his gaze away from Oliver and Angelina and headed towards the door behind Penelope.

When they got out onto the street, the change was evident. The cold wind was back, the sky was clouded over, and it was just beginning to drizzle. Percy couldn't help wishing that he was back in the tavern, but then he remembered that Oliver and Angelina were in there, and it was better to be cold but focused on Penelope outside than warm but distracted from the task at hand inside.

Percy and Penelope walked closely together down towards Zonko's, which Percy realised almost too late was a bad idea. He just _knew_ that it would be home to every Weasley under the sun, aka Fred and George, the biggest banes of Percy's existence. So in the nick of time, he steered Penelope in the other direction, down a side-alley, and perhaps to somewhere more private.

However, this particular alley was empty, and so when they reached the end, Percy steered Penelope around and back to the main road. All the while she was giving him increasingly strange looks.

"What's with the detour?" she asked, smiling up at Percy.

He blushed; melting either from her smile, or from the embarrassment of his reason for the detour. "I, uh... I just really didn't want to bump into my brothers..."

Penelope laughed. "Don't you _want_ them to know that you've made a new friend?"

_"No, because I'm planning on making you in to much more than a friend, and I don't want to confirm everything until it's official, if you catch my drift,"_was the _real_ reason, but Percy's excuse was nothing but a bit of awkward blushing, followed by a _lot_ of "um"ing and "ah"ing.

Penelope nodded as though she knew exactly what was running through Percy's mind at that moment in time. "I understand. So where do you want to go now?"

_"I want to go make out in the corner of this alleyway, how about you?"_

"Um... it's really up to you," Percy replied in a passable imitation of chivalry.

She thought for a minute, before deciding that they should go and have a chat back in the Three Broomsticks. She confessed to wishing that they hadn't left in the first place; it was so nice and warm in there.

When they got back in, Percy saw with some interest that Fred and George had joined Oliver and Angelina (which _still_ didn't sound right) at the table in the corner, and he wished that he and Penelope had kept walking. Then again, if they went far away enough, they could get away with not being noticed.

As Penelope went up to the bar to order a couple of butterbeers, Percy took the opportunity to have a good perv at what the others were up to. Oliver and Angelina had stopped acting like a couple, and Angelina was talking as she usually did to the twins. Oliver seemed the odd one out. After all, they were all in fourth year but him, and he didn't look involved in whatever they were gossiping about, he was merely a spectator.

Oliver looked up briefly and caught Percy's eye, smiling. Percy smiled back, before he was nudged by Penelope, who, considerate of his wishes not to be seen by his brothers, led him to a table near the one they had been sitting at earlier.

Penelope started the conversation this time. "So, Percy, I've always wondered what you're planning on doing after Hogwarts. I mean, you're top of just about everything, so you could do anything..."

"I'm planning on working at the Ministry," Percy interrupted proudly, "just like my father. Well, not in the same department, you understand. That would feel a little odd. No, I'm planning on working directly for the Minister himself."

"How ambitious of you!"

Percy nodded, glad of Penelope's approval. "Yes, there's no doubt that it's ambitious, but you know me; willing to do almost anything to achieve my goals."

Penelope laughed. "And what sort of goals might these be?"

He blushed a little at this. "Why, getting into your pants, of course!" was the main goal in question, but Percy wasn't exactly going to let Penelope know that now, was he?

"Oh, you know, everyday, mundane sort of things… But how about you? What are you planning to do after Hogwarts?"

"Well," Penelope started, "when I was little, I always wanted to be a beautician like my mother. It's a Muggle thing, you know, where you do people's make-up and stuff like that. And, to tell you the truth, magic hasn't changed much. Except now I want to work for famous witches and wizards, and do their hair and make-up, and that sort of thing. Hobnobbing with society's elite!"

_And she's in_Ravenclaw_?_ Percy thought to himself, _Aren't they supposed to be smart, or something?_

"I'm sure that will be a very, um… interesting… career for you…"

xxx

Much later, they decided it was time to head back to Hogwarts. As he was about to climb through the Gryffindor portrait hole, Percy bade farewell to Penelope, who gave him a kiss on the cheek. He came out in a full-body blush as she walked away, much to the amusement of the Fat Lady.

When he got up to his dorm, Percy found only Oliver in there, listening to his Muggle Walkman whilst reading a Muggle Studies textbook. When he saw Percy come through the door, he smiled, taking his headphones off his ears.

"Come on then, Perce! How was the date?"

Percy grinned, oblivious to the fact that Oliver had just called him by his most-hated name. "It was… it was nice."

Oliver noticed the faint lip-gloss mark on Percy's cheek, and decided not to ask any further questions. "You wanna listen to something wicked?"

"More Muggle music?"

"Absolutely. Band from the seventies, called ABBA. This one song, I just can't get enough of right now."

Percy dutifully took the headphones, and listened intently to the upbeat music. It was quite different to that other band Oliver had played for him. There seemed to be at least four voices, and two of them were definitely female. This song was also a _lot_ more optimistic.

"_If you change your mind, I'm the first in line…Honey, I'm still free, take a chance on me,_" went the song, and Percy smiled at the catchy chorus. It was very infectious music. As he took the headphones off and went to sit on his own bed, Oliver looked at him pointedly, and said "Don't forget, Perce. I'm the first in line."

Percy looked confused, before replying "That's nice, Oliver. And it's _Percy_."

"Sorry, Your Majesty," Oliver replied sarcastically.

A few minutes passed in silence, before Percy felt the sudden need to ask Oliver a question.

"Have you ever thought about what you're going to do after Hogwarts?"

"'Course I have!" Oliver said cheerily. "I'm gonna play professional Quidditch for Puddlemere U. I'm a long-time supported, so I'm going to be their keeper. That's the plan, anyway."

Percy nodded. Being a Quidditch player was a _much_ more reasonable profession than being a beautician.

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**Author's Notes:**Well well well, that was a fun chapter, wasn't it? I enjoyed writing it, even though it took forever. And it's a longy too. Please leave a review; all reviewers get replies! And this is getting interesting... I finally know where I want to go with the story (yay!) so you'll hopefully see more direction coming up. Angelina's role, as promised, is starting to grow, and we're definitely going to be seeing a lot more of Penelope! But don't worry, my slash-fan friends. I'm a yaoi fangirl. =D

Until next time.


	5. Utterly Hammered

Whoo-hoo! Sorry so much for the long wait, I've had assignments and all sorts of other fic-writing-hindering shit... But it's up! And it's long! And, as promised, it's actually getting somewhere! Thanks to reviewers **Nikki Diamond** and **Dr. Paranoia**, and to**Elizabeth Patil**, **vergilswrath** and **that-girl-who-likes-dolphins** for watching and **tpfang56**and **DrunkenHorse** for faving - but why don't you watch it too? You'll get all sorts of wonderful update-y things! Enjoy this chapter!

**Disclaimer**: I am currently in possession of NONE of the Harry Potter franchise. But, oh, how I love writing about it.

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5. Utterly Hammered

This was becoming a disturbing habit of Percy's, getting up late. It was a Saturday, a week after his date with Penelope, and he had planned to get up around seven, nice and early so he'd have lots more time for studying. And maybe even have some time left over to go and talk to Penelope, something else that was becoming a habit. However, this lateness had _greatly_ decreased his chances of finishing all four of his essays AND being able to have some time off. At best, he thought, he could do three sub-par essays that day, and he wouldn't even be able to get _near_ Penelope.

So, very much resigned to this pitiful fate, Percy got up and went down to the common room to ask Daffyd very kindly where he had hidden his ink.

"Why, Percy! I have _no idea_ where your ink could be! Why don't you ask your brothers?"

That made Percy worried. He had no idea what Fred and George could possibly be doing with his ink, and he wasn't entirely sure that he wanted to. However, as a Prefect and custodian of some top-quality ink, he felt it was his right, nay, _duty_, to reclaim this ink as his own as soon as possible. By this time, he reasoned, the twins would have departed from the breakfast table and headed off to the Quidditch pitch to warm up for the match against Slytherin. Percy honestly wasn't sure why the match was such a big deal. It was just sport, honestly...

As he had predicted, the twins weren't at the table, and so he headed down towards the pitch. Percy barely ever went near the pitch. One or two times a week, he'd go and watch Oliver practise, and of _course_ he went to every match, it was his duty as a Prefect - but that didn't mean that he was interested in the game. He only went to the practises because it was a pleasant change to study outdoors, and so that he would have a little bit of time to talk to Oliver before they got back to the crowded Gryffindor tower.

But Percy Weasley did NOT like Quidditch. And if his brothers were using his ink for Quidditch-related purposes, such as the drawing up of tactical sketches, or something like that, then they were just going to have to be brutally punished for it, weren't they?

When Percy reached the pitch, he found it empty, and so, entirely on a whim, decided to head for the change rooms. Surely his brothers would be grossly abusing his ink in there? Well, where else could they be?

Percy stormed across the pitch like a man on a mission. He took broad strides, which wasn't hard - he was easily the tallest sixth year, if not the tallest in the school, and his fists were clenched tightly. His teeth were gritted, and he stared ahead of him, eyes focused on the change room, all the while muttering his mantra: "Fred and George must pay. Fred and George must pay..."

When he reached the change room, the door was closed, but there was loud laughter from inside.

"Ow, George, stop it! Guys, I've changed my mind about this!" came Oliver's voice from behind the door. Unlike the others, he seemed to be giggling. "Please, guys, have mercy on me!"

From Oliver's tortured cries, Percy could only assume that his brothers were somehow sodomising Oliver with his ink pot, which was NOT a nice mental image.

"Ah, come on, Ol'," said another voice, which Percy recognised as that little twerp Harry, "I survived!"

_Oh Merlin, this is not good. They've gotten up Harry with the ink pot, and now they're going to give his germs to Oliver and Oliver's going to have ink stains on his behind and he's going to get really sick and..._

Percy could take no more of this postulating. He abruptly turned the door handle and barged in. "I _demand_ to know what is... oh..."

He stopped mid-sentence, his face turning red, and his one hand flying to the back of his head, and the other to his chest. He couldn't quite believe his eyes.

Well may you ask just _why_ Percy was so shocked by what he saw. Well, what he saw was a lot worse than Oliver being sodomised with an ink pot. It was Fred, George and Harry, gathered around Oliver with a quill dripping with red ink. _Percy's_ red ink. So what's so horrifying about that?

Well, for a start, Oliver was in his underpants. And nothing else. His white pants clung tightly to his crotch-area, and Percy found his eyes were immediately drawn to it. The crotch-area, that is. He forcefully pulled his eyes away, turned around, and stood there for a while hyperventilating into his robe.

Still turned away, he mumbled "Give me back my ink."

"What do you mean?" Fred asked. "This is _our_ ink!"

"Yeah!" added George. "_Our_ ink that _we_ bewitched to use as temporary tattoo ink."

Percy, if it was even possible, became even redder. "So... Daffyd..."

He felt an arm around his shoulder. "Oh, Perce, that idiot didn't tell you that the twins had _your_ ink, did he?"

"He did."

Oliver shook his head, and Percy could feel Oliver's hair against his neck. It was only then that he realised just how close Oliver was to him. And just how little Oliver was wearing. And, considering the fact that Oliver was almost his height, where his pants would be in relation to Percy's. Shit.

And that pretty much snapped Percy out of it. "Um, Oliver, kindly take your arm away from me and please, for the love of Merlin, put some clothes on, and, um, if you could, do explain why you are wearing nothing but your... your... what you're doing..."

Oliver kindly obliged. "What we were doing was getting little Gryffindor tattoos on our back, and I was just saying how I didn't particularly want one."

Percy sighed in relief. "So they _weren't_ sodomising you!" he said happily.

Oliver just looked at him like he was insane. "No, Perce, they weren't sodomising me. What did you think-"

"Never mind, never mind," Percy said, waving Oliver's question off, "I'll just be going now."

And with that, he turned around and walked steadily in the direction of the Gryffindor tower. After all, he still had four essays to complete. Oh, and he had to hex his ink pots out of Daffyd's grasp. And maybe cause some lasting damage in the process.

However, on returning to the tower, he found Daffyd to be absent, which wasn't exactly advantageous. Percy couldn't exactly write an essay without his ink, now, could he? Thom and Jack were sprawled out on one of the couches passing a bottle of unknown substance between them. Percy frowned. It was _much_ to early in the day to be getting drunk. "Thom, Jack..." he began, "give me that bottle."

Thom rolled his eyes. "Ooh, is Prefect Percy going to confiscate our little drink?"

Jack laughed. "Give it up, man, I mean, it's not hurting anybody!"

"Where's Daffyd? He has my ink."

"Oh, that," Jack replied, smirking, "he put it in your drawer while you where sleeping."

"Talk about stupid, man," Thom added, "it's such an obvious hiding place. Where did he send you?"

"Never mind that!" Percy snapped, "Just give me that bottle, would you?"

Thom and Jack pretended that they hadn't heard him, and just went on swigging from it. Percy had no other option but to use a summoning charm on it. He sniffed it, looked down the neck, and concluded that it was some form of alcohol that wasn't commercially avaliable. In a fit of impropriety, Percy took a swig from the bottle before chucking it back to the others, both looking highly amused by this. He stormed back up to his room.

Now, Percy wasn't a great drinker. He could hold his drink about as well as a paper cauldron could hold the draught of living death. Occasionally, on a social occasion, he would allow himself to be seen having a good time, and had a butterbeer or two, despite his hatred of the taste. Occasionally, he would go as far as to indulge in some Meade or firewhiskey. But he had never tried something cooked up while Snape was out of the Potions classroom before.

The alcohol left a funny taste in his mouth. It was like a mixture of firewhiskey and some other taste, something cheap and sweet like mint candy. And so halfway up the stairs, Percy decided to turn back and ask what the drink was called.

"I call it 'Hammerworks'," Thom explained, "because it's like fireworks in your mouth."

"And the 'hammer' part?"

"Oh, you'll get that if the alcohol lasts long enough to give you a hangover tomorrow. Which it will."

The colour drained from Percy's face. Here he was, a _Prefect_, for Merlin's sakes, and he had just had a large mouthful of something _highly_ irresponsible. It tasted awful. He felt somewhat vacant, and there was a pounding in his head. He didn't know _how_ he was going to be able to concentrate on his essays feeling like this. He didn't know how he'd be able to concentrate on _life_, never mind anything else!

Before he knew what was going on, everyone was leaving the common room, shouting things about the Quidditch match, and that this year would be Oliver's year, that Slytherin were going down, that their new Seeker was half that man that Harry was... it all swirled around Percy's ears, and gave him a gentle shove in the direction of the pitch. He followed Thom and Jack like a zombie, and found Penelope on his way down. He greeted her blankly, before quickly explaining that he had drunk something weird and might not be himself for a while.

They sat together near the back of the Gryffindor crowd, and Percy barely listened as she started going on about some "damn Arithmancy essay" that counted towards the O.W.L.s, and then about how much she hoped Gryffindor would win. Apparently, there wasn't enough gender equality on the Slytherin team.

The game started, and Percy found his mind wandering far away from the action. All the alcohol pulsing through his body had removed all his usual precise concentration, and instead of putting all his attention towards his potential girlfriend, he found himself doing something he never, _ever_ did. He was watching the game.

Through drunken eyes, Quidditch was a rather beautiful game to watch. The Keepers hovered around the goals, the Chasers and the Beaters flitted about almost like ballerinas, and the Seekers floated high above the rest, like two guards keeping watch over the action below them. The balls flew so fast that occasionally they left a trail of colour behind them, which Percy thought was rather poetic. Or maybe that was just his drunken, blurred vision. He realised with horror that he had forgotten to put his glasses on._That_wasn't good.

All of a sudden, there were gasps from all around Percy, and he saw everyone leaning forwards, heard cries of horror, felt people pushing against him, scrambling to get closer to the pitch. "What's happened?" he asked Penelope in a daze.

"Oh, god, Percy, it's awful! Those hideous Slytherin beaters have just bludgered Harry off his broom!"

_Serves him right for flying so high and mighty_, thought Drunk Percy. _Oh Merlin, that's awful! I hope he'll be alright!_ thought Sober Percy. _Hey, what are_you_doing here?_ thought Drunk Percy, before pushing Sober Percy completely out of the picture and invading Percy's brain entirely. Percy leant back on the bench, rolling his eyes. "He'll be _fine_. He always is."

Penelope looked disapprovingly at him. "Now, Percy, that's not very nice!"

"_Hang_ nice!" he almost shrieked, launching back forward, "He survived a killing curse, he can survive one bloody fall off his lovely little broom! When _Oliver_ fell off his broom that one time, no-one freaked the hell out like this! They all just said, 'Oh, gosh, what a pity, but he'll be alright!' But not for precious little Harry, oh no! No, he has to..."

Percy trailed off; he noticed that Penelope had gotten up and walked away from him. Sober Percy felt awfully ashamed of himself, before falling back onto the bench and passing out.

xxx

It was about half an hour before Percy woke back up, and just as Thom had warned him, he felt like there was a hammer pounding away at his brain. And his throat tasted no longer like a disgusting bastard child of firewhiskey and mint, but like bile.

He wasn't sitting out at the pitch as he had assumed he would still be, but lying on his bed with a wet cloth on his head. He groaned loudly. "How did I get here?"

"Ah," came a voice from the bed next to his, Oliver's, "I carried you up."

"You WHAT?" Percy cried. "But I was... I had passed out..."

"Yep, and I got you back up here so that you didn't roll over and bruise yourself or anything."

Percy nodded. "That's all very nice of you, Oliver, but didn't it look absolutely weird for you to be carrying me all the way here?"

Oliver shrugged. "People were more interested in talking about Harry."

_Bloody Harry_, Percy thought. That thought reminded him unpleasantly of what he had said to Penelope earlier. Oh dear.

"That is _absolutely_ the last time I drink _anything_. _Ever_."

"I see Thom introduced you to his Hammerworks."

Percy made a noise of agreement. "And you know what? It was _crap_!"

Oliver laughed again. "I see you're still a little drunk."

"And how do you know that, exactly?" Percy asked, sitting himself up.

"You're an honest drunk," Oliver replied.

"How would you know what kind of drunk I am?"

"I know that you always say what you're thinking. But I also know that if you weren't drunk, you wouldn't've said what you did about Harry."

_So Penny told him_, Percy thought. "And how do you know that was honesty?"

Oliver's face cracked into a smile. "Do you want me to go through all the other times I've seen you drunk, Perce?"

"Not particularly..." Percy began, but Oliver didn't let him finish, launching into a list of every time Percy had gotten drunk, and everything he had said whilst drunk, including telling some kid in Slytherin that his face looked like it had been squashed by a brick, only to have his face squashed by a fist. Percy squirmed. These were not exactly things he wanted to be reminded of. When Oliver had finally finished, Percy got a chance to speak: "It's _Percy_."

"Yeah, whatever. You know, you should really make up with Penelope. She's a nice girl, and she seemed pretty hurt by what you said."

"We-ell," Drunk Percy replied, "it's not like we fought or anything. I was just being honest."

"That's the problem, Perce," Oliver said softly as Percy stood up to check his hair in a mirror, "I don't think she likes it when you're yourself."

Sober Percy didn't hear, though; he was too busy thinking about what to say to Penelope when he went to apologise to her.

xxx

Percy found Penelope in the library, just as he had hoped. It was practically empty, and she was at a desk in the corner working on an essay. Silently, Percy approached her, sitting down beside her. Trying to ignore his pounding headache,

"Penny?" he asked hopefully. She didn't respond. "Listen, Penny, I know you're a little angry about earlier, but I was, um... very, very drunk. Of _course_, you know I didn't mean any of it..."

Penelope turned and looked at her, smiling a little sadly. "Oh, Percy, I _know_ you don't like Harry. It's okay. I don't care if you don't like him. It's just... well, the way you were speaking... you seemed so _angry_ about... I don't know! About _something_..."

She trailed off, and Percy felt inwardly happy. She didn't like seeing him angry! Which meant she cared about he felt! _Which means that she likes me!_ Percy thought in triumph. To celebrate, he placed his hand gently on Penelope's arm. "I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable," he said sentimentally. "Sentimental" was _not_ something Percy did very well at all. However, Penelope seemed to respond to his kinder side.

"That's sweet of you," she whispered. "I'm sorry for walking off on you like that. I should probably have stayed and helped you back to the common room."

Seeing Percy's confused expression, she added "Oliver mentioned that you passed out."

Percy nodded. "You shouldn't worry about that. It probably serves me right for drinking that rubbish, anyway."

Penelope was about to say something, when they were interrupted by the imposing figure of Madame Pince standing above them. "Either stop talking so loudly or get out!" she said through gritted teeth.

Gathering her things up into her shoulder bag, Penelope gestured to Percy that they should continue the conversation outside. Once they were in the corridor, they stood in silence for a few moments.

"Uh, Percy?"

"Yes, Penny?"

"There's no easy way to say this, but... I think I might, uh..."

The normally-eloquent Penelope was at a loss for words. "What I'm _trying_ to say, is that..." she stopped again.

"Come on, Penny!" Percy said encouragingly. He absolutely did not expect what happened next. Penelope flung herself forward, and, wrapping her arms around Percy's neck, pressed her lips onto his. Percy's arms automatically gripped her waist, pulling her into an embrace. They stood there for several moments like that, before Percy (boldly) decided to try and get some tongue action happening.

His face was red; not from embarrassment, but from excitement. He was kissing the girl of his dreams! She liked him! Why else would she have kissed him? Why would they be standing in the corridor outside the library snogging if she _didn't_ like him? He as good as had a girlfriend! His heart was pounding at twice the normal rate, when suddenly a thought occurred to him. He pulled away.

"What's up?" Penelope asked, noticing his discomfort. Percy replied briefly - before saying his goodnights and rushing off down the corridor to the Gryffindor common room -

"I haven't done _any_ of my essays!"

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WELL? WHAT DID YOU THINK? Leave a review, and you'll be certain to get a reply! And Story Alert, please!  
This chapter was originally going to involve the spreading of a certain rumour, however, I decided that I'd much rather get Percy drunk. This is the first story I've really written where the characters kinda take the storyline and run away with it. I think that's probably because they've already been created in so much detail. :D This is going to get long. I just have a feeling. I've decided that it'll in fact be two stories, where before I would've crammed wayyy too much into one.  
Anyway. The next chapter will be mainly about Oliver and the conflict between his love for Percy and his _love_ for Percy. Until then!

-_Legs_


	6. I Cannot Compete With You, Penny

First up, thanks to **purplechick93** and **Memories Left Abandoned** for alerting, and to **Nikki Diamond** and **Memories Left Abandoned**for reviewing. I know I didn't exactly leave enough time for some of you to leave reviews, but never mind! Here's chapter 6, full of Woody goodness! Enjoy! :)

**Disclaimer**: Not mine. Kthxbai. (Nor are any of the songs, by the way...)

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6. I Cannot Compete With You, Penny

Percy flounced into his dorm, twirling like a ballerina. Daffyd was still out, Jack and Thom were too, and Oliver was lying on his bed, flat on his stomach, drawing little dots and squiggles on a piece of parchment that wouldn't make sense to anyone but himself. So you can imagine how surprised he was to be snapped out of his concentration by Percy jumping onto his bed, pulling him up and hugging him a bit _too_ tightly.

Oliver blushed at an almost-Weasley level. "Perce," he muttered, "let go of me! I'm gonna choke here!"

Percy, to Oliver's relief, pulled back, looking mightily pleased with himself. "Guess what?"

"Your name's Percy?" Oliver deadpanned.

"No, _silly_! _I_ just got kissed! Kissed! By Penny!"

Oliver tried his utmost not to look or sound disappointed. "Well good on you, mate! How the hell did _that_ happen?"

Percy looked smug. "I did _exactly_ what you told me to! I found her in the library, and I apologised! And just like that, she was all over me!"

"In the library?"

"No, no, outside... and I just _had_ to come and tell you!"

Taking a short break from mentally kicking himself for ever giving Percy that advice, Oliver found a spare moment to look surprised. "You, uh... you left Penelope just to tell me that she'd kissed you?" My, that _was_ an honour!

"No, I panicked. Haven't done any of my essays, see. But as soon as I left, I was running, and I got this huge adrenaline rush, and I thought 'Who cares about essays?'"

"How very un-Percy," Oliver said, smiling. But despite his cheery visage, and apparent excitement at hearing about Percy's romantic success, Oliver felt as though Percy had just moved a few feet further away from him, leaving nothing but his shadow right in the part of Oliver's life labelled "Completely Unreasonable Romantic Attachments". Oliver frowned. He'd never thought of his life in labelled segments before. That was the kind of thing that _Percy_ would do. Still, he saw Percy standing on a new patch: "Unrequited". He was standing right next to the House Cup.

"So what do you think?" Percy asked excitedly, getting himself ready for a good rant. "Do you think she's going to ask me out _properly_ now? Or do _I_ have to do it? I mean, usually the man asks the woman... but she's got a boyfriend already. Does that make it slightly different? Well, obviously she'll have to break up with Peter first," - Percy's eyes took on a wicked glint at this, - "but what if she doesn't? Do I just wait around for their relationship to come to a natural close? I don't know how women work!"

Oliver smiled. Despite half of his sexuality having a massive crush on his best friend, the other half really quite liked tits, knew a thing or two about girls, and enjoyed showing off about it. Even if it was just stuff he'd picked up from reading cheap Muggle fiction. "Well, physiologically, Perce, women are quite similar to you and I. Apart from differing sexual organs and hormones, et cetera, they are driven by much the same things."

Percy nodded like an eager pupil. He looked just about ready to get out a quill and some parchment to jot this all down.

"So, women want exactly what men our age want, they're just less obvious about it."

Percy hazarded a guess. "Sex?"

"Precisely. So, if you want to get even closer to Penelope, if you know what I mean, you've got to turn on the charm. Flirt. And so on."

"Charm, flirt," Percy repeated to himself. "Right. Anything else?"

"Chivalry helps."

"Chivalry. Got it."

"And don't forget to..."

Oliver trailed off. Why was he even giving Percy this advice, anyway? He wanted Percy for _himself_, didn't he? If he wanted Percy so badly, why was he telling him precisely how to get with Penelope? _I guess_, Oliver thought, _I'm just so glad that he's happy_.

"Don't forget to what?"

"Don't forget to think twice. I mean," Oliver stuttered, "you don't want to make any rash decisions, do you?"

As intended, this appealed to the sensible Prefect within Percy, as opposed to the lovesick teenage boy. "No, you're right. But, I don't know... I've kinda wanted this for a long time."

"Why?" Oliver asked. He couldn't help himself. But Percy didn't seem to see it as a bit of an inappropriate question.

"Well, she's wonderful, isn't she? I mean, she's a Prefect, she's really good-looking, she's very nice, she's smart, and she's got the most spectacular laugh..."

It was all Oliver could do not to scream: You're_a Prefect,_you're_really good-looking,_you're_very nice,_you're_smart,_you've_got the most spectacular laugh... perhaps two such similar people shouldn't be getting together!_ But he restrained himself. If Percy liked Penelope, then _fine_. That was _his_ choice. And thus Oliver went from disappointed with Percy to happy for Percy to furious at Percy.

The more he thought about it, the more stupid he found it that Percy should like Penelope over him. What had _she_ ever done for him? _She_ hadn't comforted him when he was sad, when he had done badly in class, when he was beaten up for being a nerd! _She_didn't know him as well as Oliver did! _She_ didn't understand the way his mind work at all! And it wasn't exactly like she had never left Percy's side for the last five and a half years! _She'd_ only really gotten friendly with him a year ago! It just didn't make any sense!

Oliver stood up abruptly. "I need to go discuss tactics with Angelina," he said snappily, "was she in the common room when you came up?"

Percy looked a little shocked by Oliver's sudden change of attitude. "Uh, I _think_ so..."

"Well, then, I'll see you later," Oliver said, making his way down to the common room. As he stormed off, he felt a little bad for talking to Percy like that. After all, Percy had _no_ idea why Oliver was so mad at him. None at all.

Angelina was sitting by the fire reading when Oliver sat himself down opposite her. "I need to vent, Ange," he said.

She looked up at him, smiled slightly, and asked "Percy?"

"Percy. And Penelope."

Angelina shook her head. "Frankly, Oliver, I'd seen this coming. He's been eyeing her off for ages now. Don't let it shock you too much.

Oliver nodded. "I know, I just... I'm... I don't even _know_ what I should be feeling! I mean, he's my best friend, and I love him to pieces! I doubt that I could _ever_ tell him that he was, you know, making a bad choice, or something. I don't want to lose our friendship..."

Angelina laughed at that. "Tell me about it. There's a fine line between close friendship and love, and if I told _either_them how I feel..."

She trailed off. Oliver didn't have to be told who she was talking about. He knew that if she told them, it would be like putting the shoe on the other foot, and she'd run the risk of sacrificing their friendship.

"I don't want him to know that I fancy him, but at the same time, I want him to. I mean, I want to tell him just how much I love him, and sometimes he does something, and I just want to pull a Penelope on him, but-"

"'Pull a Penelope?'"

"Yeah. Snog him without any real provocation other than the fact that he's just so amazingly attractive."

Angelina let out a massive laugh at that. "Merlin, Ol', I doubt anyone would agree with you that he's-," again, she laughed, "- attractive!"

Oliver sat up stiffly, pouting in a perfect imitation of Percy's manner. "Well, _Ms. Johnson_, perhaps _some_ people just have different preferences to you!"

To complete the image, he sniffed, and threw his head back, flipping the imaginary mop of ginger hair across his forehead. This put Angelina in stitches. She was giggling loudly, doubled over. Oliver smiled at himself, before wondering why exactly he had stooped to Fred and George's level of mockery. Was he _that_ angry at Percy?

"Don't get me wrong, here, Oliver," Angelina started, "but there are a fair few who would call your Percy a bit of a twat. And _that_ was Percy the twat, right there. How do you get past it?"

Oliver had to think about that one. How exactly _did_ he get past the fact that Percy was rude, tactless, no-fun, self-righteous and, frankly, a complete pain in the arse? Oliver had a bit of a penchant for gingers, but he was _sure_ that wasn't it. After all, he didn't drool over any _other_ Weasleys. There was definitely something about Percy's personality that so attracted Oliver to him.

He _was_ rude, but when that manifested itself as a quite cruel sense of humour, it was more than tolerable. _Am I a sadist?_ Oliver wondered. Percy _was_ tactless, but that was really because he was socially awkward, and had very little idea of how to act in the company of others. Oliver had always assumed that this was because he'd never really been taught, and wasn't exactly a natural.

Then again, there was no accounting for Percy's hardwired sense of duty, his loyalty to absolutely everything, and his rather annoying habit ofjust _working_ all the time. He was quite boring to be around. So how could Oliver like someone so boring? The problem was that Oliver had seen Percy have fun. And once you see someone usually so uptight letting loose, it's quite hard to accept that they're going to become their usual self again.

And Percy was definitely, undoubtedly, a pain in the arse. That, Oliver could not explain away. He couldn't just say "Oh, I'm a masochist, so I like pains in the arse," because that would not take into account the fact that Oliver was quite the opposite.

_Damn Angelina_, he thought, _she's making me question my own heart!_

"Oliver, you awake? I asked you, how do you get past it?"

Oliver realised that he had been pondering, and should probably have answered the question instead. "I just do. I don't know why I like him. It's against all concepts of logic. So don't ask."

Angelina nodded. "You know what _I_ think you should do?"

"Do tell."

"_I_ think that you should just let it pass. What Percy has for Penelope is so obviously a teenage crush, nothing more. The chances are that her being with Percy will only last a couple of months at best, and after that, he's all yours. And, knowing Penelope, she's not much more than a bit of fluff. Not quite sure how she got into Ravenclaw, but there you go. Anyway, what I mean by that is that she won't take Percy away from you for too long. He'll still be your friend."

Oliver smiled. "Thanks, Ange. It always feels a lot better after someone tells you what you know is right. I'm gonna go back to bed, I think. Do some hardcore thinking."

"Hah, any time," she replied. "You do what's right."

Oliver gave her a quick hug before dashing up to his bedroom. He really needed to apologise to Percy.

When he got up there, Percy was sitting cross-legged on his bed, poring over his gigantically thick Ancient Runes dictionary. _For such an outmoded language_, Oliver thought, _there sure is a heck of a lot of it left_.

"Fascinating, Oliver," Percy muttered, not looking up, "did you know that there's one symbol that refers to both intensely passionate love and intensely passionate hate?"

"No, I didn't," Oliver responded with a smiled, "but I do now. Aren't you... a little angry about earlier?"

Percy tilted his head up, and smiled faintly at Oliver. "Angry? Not in the least!"

And as he said that, Oliver realised what he liked so much about Percy. Even if Oliver was a complete bastard to him, Percy never lost his nerve. He was always calm when Oliver was mad, always amiable when Oliver was grumpy, and always listened when Oliver was talking. Of _course_ he liked Percy, because Percy clearly liked him.

"Well, I'm glad. So why've you got homework on intensely passionate love and hate?" he asked as he got out his Walkman and put in a Dolly Parton CD. His secret shame.

"Oh, this isn't homework," Percy replied, blushing. "I'm trying to construct a poem about my feelings for Penny."

Oliver rolled his eyes. Trust _Percy_ to write odes to love in _Ancient Runes_, of all things! Angelina had been right that Penelope wouldn't take up too much of Percy's "Oliver Time", but he could say pretty certainly that Percy would be trying to take up as much of Penelope's time as possible.

As Oliver lay on his bed listening absent-mindedly to his music, he couldn't help pick up on some of the words of the song he was in the middle of: "_I'm begging of you, please don't take my man. I had to have this talk with you, my happiness depends on you..._"

Oliver nodded to himself. Angelina had told him to do what was right, hadn't she? Well, what was right was that Percy should be with _him_, not Penelope. And so, not bothering to set down his Walkman, he got up to have a good talk with someone who was about to take his man.

"Where are you going, Oliver?" Percy demanded of him. "As a Prefect, I feel that it's my duty to remind you that one is not permitted to be outside of the Common Rooms and dorms at this time of night..."

"I'll only be a minute!" Oliver yelled, dashing off. Percy frowned, but didn't say anything. Percy had never hesitated with getting a friend into trouble before, but this was Oliver. And Percy didn't exactly have any other friends. He could hardly afford to lose his best.

Oliver found his way to the Ravenclaw tower quickly enough, the words of the song still ringing in his ears: "_I cannot compete with you..._"

Well, perhaps he couldn't _compete_ at this stage, but he could try to hinder progress as much as possible. That ought to work.

What Oliver had forgotten was that you needed to answer a riddle to get into the Tower. And if there was one thing that Oliver was most certainly _not_ good at, it was answering riddles.

The portrait posed the question to him nonetheless: "_Where can something hidden be found when it has nothing to hide?_"

Oliver stared at it like a complete dingus. How the hell was he supposed to know what that meant?

Thankfully, as he was about to give up all hope, the door swung open, and the exiting Ravenclaw let him go in while it was open. _Thank Merlin for such small mercies_.

He found Penelope in one corner, chatting excitedly to a female friend of hers. Oliver walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. "Mind if I have a word for a minute?"

"Sure," Penelope replied uneasily, getting up and walking into the corridor with Oliver. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Listen, Penelope, I know that you really like Percy, and I honestly can't blame you, and I know you want to, um, get together with him..."

"Yeah, I do! And I don't want you telling me-"

"Nothing of the sort," Oliver said, second-guessing Penelope's next line. "I _know_ that I can't compete with you. So all I want is to ask you, please, don't take him away from me for good." Penelope was stunned silent, so Oliver kept talking. "He's my best friend. I haven't left his side for five and a half years, and, to tell you the truth, the idea that he'll be spending more and more time with you and less with me is kinda hard to imagine. So, I guess all I'm saying, is if you're going to keep him totally to yourself, could you at least make the process slow and gradual? So as not to put me through so much pain? Or, you know, not let him take himself away from me?"

Penelope stood in silence for a few moments, before slowly nodding, and replying "Oliver, there's no _way_I'd take him away from you for good. I _know_ you guys are best friends; I'm not stupid. You've got nothing to worry about."

Oliver was visibly relieved. "Thanks, Penny, you've just about made my day."

Penelope smiled. "Any time, Ol'. And, hey, just out of interest... do you _like_ like Percy? Or are you just really into him as a friend? I mean, it's fine if you _like_ like him-"

"We're just friends," Oliver said as ambiguously as possible. "Anyway, what does it matter what I think? It's _Percy_ you should be interested in, 'cause god knows he's pretty bloody interested in you."

"Yeah, I guess..."

And with that, Oliver said his goodbyes and headed back to his dorm feeling distinctly proud of himself. When he got back, Daffyd, Jack and Thom had returned, and were bugging Percy about something on a scrap of parchment.

"Tell us what it says!" Daffyd demanded.

"It isn't my fault you were never interested in Ancient Runes, Daffyd," Percy said haughtily. "Now give that back."

Daffyd didn't reply, only turned the parchment upside-down, further scrutinising it.

"You heard Percy," Oliver said snappily. "Give it back."

"Here," Daffyd said, folding the parchment into a plane and flying it straight at Oliver. "Can you read this crap?"

Oliver shook his head, but took the scrap anyway. He knew that it was Percy's poem. And Oliver may not have known Ancient Runes, but he was damned good at Muggle Studies, and evidently Percy knew a thing or two too, because there was a small coin drawn where the title of the poem would usually be. It was a Muggle penny. Oliver smiled, handing the paper back to Percy.

"Hey, where were you. Ol'?" Jack asked him.

"Oh, you know. Just chatting to a friend,"

He realised immediately that this was the wrong thing to say. Sure, Jack and the others thought nothing of it, but Percy looked at him in a confused manner, and seeming - dare Oliver hope a little? - just a bit jilted.

"Nothing serious," Oliver added, mainly for Percy's benefit. After all, he'd hate Percy to think badly of him. _Then again_, he reminded himself, _that's just the point. He'd_never_think badly of me. He never has._

Oliver flopped contentedly onto his bed, finally settling on what he should be feeling about Percy and Penelope. Because he held on to the hope, in the back of his mind, that his turn really _was_ coming.

* * *

**Author's Notes**: What do you think? Immensely wonderful? Astoundingly shite? Leave a review and tell me! All reviewers get a reply.  
Anyway, here's the usual liner notes for my regulars: I have been wanting to use the song "Jolene" (Dolly Parton) in this story since chapter 4, and now it's finally got it's turn! I love that song to pieces (I know! Sad!), and the lyrics just seemed so appropriate for what Oliver was about to do... hehe. So, after that pleasant change, the next chapter will shift the focus back to our hero Percivality.  
I rewatched the first 5 films over the weekend, and Percy isn't in them far enough. Nor is Oliver. And there's only ONE (scandalous!) scene where they're together - it's in the first film, and they're at the Great Hall table while the main trio are reading the Prophet, or something. Still, at least Percy didn't get written out of the film series... D  
Ahem. [/rant] Until next time,

-_Legs_


	7. Keeping Secrets

To start off with... thanks to **MoMoCookie** for alerting, **Rome J Wolf** for faving and **Nikki Diamond**, **Memories Left Abandoned**, **cinnamon-shake** and **Rome J Wolf** for reviewing. You guys are awesome! I hope everyone reading enjoys chapter 7! It's back to Percy... and it's full of Perce-y goodness. *Laughs stupidly*

**Disclaimer****:**If I owned this lot, I'd be richer than the Queen. As it stands, I don't, so I'm not.

* * *

7. Keeping Secrets

As confused as Percy had been by Oliver's behaviour the previous night, he had finally come to a conclusion about why he was acting so strangely. The first time Oliver dashed out of the dorm, he said that he needed to talk to Angelina. Obviously, something in Percy's talk of romance had inspired him in this.

The second time, he had been listening to music, and as much as Oliver tried to hide it, Percy had his ways of finding things out. And he had found out, one summer, just who Dolly Parton was. She was like a Muggle Celestina Warbeck - she sang love songs, made music intended for a female audience, and had massive breasts, - except she was a lot weirder. Obviously, if Oliver was listening to a love song, then he might have been, once again, inspired to see his lover.

It _had_ to be Angelina. Of course, it made perfect sense. For the fiftieth time, Percy decided that they were _definitely_ a couple. There was just _no_ other explanation for Oliver's sudden weirdness around Percy.

For example, at breakfast the morning after Percy had his first kiss, he decided to go and sit with Penelope. Perfectly natural, and convenient, too, seeing as Peter was elsewhere. When he told Oliver this, however, Oliver just looked blankly at him, and muttered something like "Good for you."

Clearly, Oliver was jealous that Percy was about to enter into a completely public relationship that would make him _miles_ more popular than Oliver, and Oliver just couldn't stand that thought. Smugly, Percy replied to Oliver that it _was_ good for him, and walked over to the Ravenclaw table.

Penelope looked a little surprised to see Percy sitting down next to her, and she looked even _more_ surprised when he tried to feel up her leg under the table. It couldn't be the same, gawky, socially-retarded Percy, could it? Penelope just couldn't believe that he had a good grope in him. Yet there he was.

"Uh, Percy?" she asked.

"Yes, my dear?" Percy responded, his voice full of pride.

"First, move your hand." Percy obliged. "And second, can we perhaps, ah... talk about things later?"

_Oh, that's okay_, Percy thought, _she probably wants to chat it in private. That's understandable._

"But of course!" he replied jovially, turning back to his eggs and toast. They passed the rest of the meal in embarrassed silence. Percy looked like a bit of an idiot, sitting seemingly by himself at the Ravenclaw table, and Penelope wasn't exactly doing anything to help. As soon as she had finished eating, she pulled him up, not caring whether he was done or not, and dragged him to the nearest empty classroom.

"Right," she started as soon as they had shut the door, "let's get a couple of things straight."

"Like what?"

"You seem to want to publicise our relationship."

"Well, yes, I do! Do you have a problem with that... ?"

Penelope sighed. "Yes, actually. See, I really like you, like, a _lot_, but I just don't want this to get out of hand."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want us to spend too much time together, because I don't want us to get bored of each other. And I don't want people to know about us, because I don't want them to mock me. Or you."

Percy stood in silence, trying to take in everything Penelope had just said. She didn't want them to go public. That meant that Percy's three-pronged approach to popularity would have to go if he still wanted Penelope. He briefly pondered finding another girl who would do the same job, but he found that he didn't _want_ anyone else. This wasn't really about popularity anymore, it was about Penelope.

"Are you going to break up with Peter?"

"Listen, Percy, I like you a lot, but Peter is like my best friend. I'm not just going to let him go so easily..."

"You're _not_ going to break up with him?" Percy asked, his voice nearing hysterical. "But... but you're..."

"Percy, don't worry. It's like I'll be going out with him, and that's what everyone will think, but _you'll_ know that my heart's with you. Which will make _us_ special. And secret."

"Don't you think that you're taking this whole _secrecy_ thing a bit too far?"

Penelope didn't answer. Instead, she forced her mouth onto Percy's, and kissed him passionately. "I'd say that's worth keeping a secret, wouldn't you?" she said, pulling back.

Dumbstruck, Percy nodded. He had got what he wanted. Why did he have the right to care about what conditions it came with? Besides, there would surely be some kind of thrill involved in meeting in secret, in empty classrooms like this one, and having that feeling of something that you knew, and that no one else did.

"I have to get to class," Penelope said, "but I'll meet you by the lake at lunch and we'll go find somewhere nice. Okay?"

Again, Percy simply nodded. He couldn't exactly complain.

"Right, then. See you," and with that, Penelope kissed Percy briefly before leaving the room, and left him resting against a desk, staring out into space.

"Percy?"

He started at Oliver's voice calling his name. "What are you doing in here?"

"Huh?"

"This is my Muggle Studies classroom. What are you doing in here?"

"Oh, uh, I was just talking to Penny in here. That's all."

Oliver nodded. He wasn't convinced by Percy's nonchalant attitude. "Talking about _what_?"

Percy suddenly felt that there were tears forming in his eyes, and he struggled to hold them back. After all, he had _no_ right to be upset with the arrangement he now had with Penelope. He had _no_ right to get so emotional. It wasn't like she'd completely blown him off, in any case. She still wanted to go out with him. Just not in the manner that Percy had expected.

"Still," Percy whispered to himself, "they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder..."

"What was that?"

_Oh gosh, is he_still_here?_ Percy thought. "Uh, nothing. I'll see you in Defence Against the Dark Arts."

As he started to walk out, Oliver grabbed Percy's one hand with both of his, holding him back. "You're crying. Didn't it go well?"

"Oh, no, no! It went fine! Absolutely! Yes, yes, all wonderful. I'll see you in Defence."

Oliver reluctantly let Percy go, and glanced after him as he dashed off to his History of Magic class.

As he rushed down the corridor, Percy wiped his eyes beneath his glasses and tried his best to look composed. Why was he crying so much lately? He wished he knew just what was going wrong with him, so that he could fix it and go back to normal. He wished that he wasn't such a wimp. Every so often, Oliver would tell him to grow some balls, or to be a bit more of an alpha-male. He'd never really understood what Oliver meant until now, when all of a sudden it became relevant.

Percy had a girlfriend, and here he was, crying. _What kind of loser does that? Anyone would think that I wasn't happy with Penny..._

xxx

At lunch, Percy found Penelope down by the lake where they had agreed to meet. He was struck by how pretty she looked. She was such a natural beauty. Her hair practically reflected the winter sun.

Percy approached her, sitting down carefully next to her on the damp grass.

"Hi," he said softly, placing his hand on top of hers. She smiled at him just like nothing had happened that morning.

"Hi," she replied.

They sat together in silence for a moment, neither knowing exactly what to say in such a situation. Eventually, Percy broke the silence. He had something to get off his chest.

"I think Oliver has a girlfriend."

Penelope tried not to be offended by the fact that he was talking to her about his friend who had last night tried to warn her off Percy in the way a jilted lover would do.

"What do you mean by you '_think_'?"

"Well, I'm not exactly sure if they're going out, but it sure seems like it..."

"Who is it?"

"Angelina Johnson," Percy replied. "You know her?"

Penelope thought for a moment before answering. "I _do_ know her. Plays Chaser for Gryffindor? Tall, kinda pretty? Fourth year?"

Percy nodded. "That's her."

"So why'd'you think that they're a couple?"

"Well, they're usually together in their spare time. And they talk to each other a lot. And they seem to talk about things that they don't want other people to hear."

Percy paused for a moment, a thought suddenly occurring to him. "Please don't tell anyone, though. I get the feeling that they're keeping it to themselves."

"Then how come you told me?"

"Well, I trust you!" Percy said in a voice that was about as close as you get to him sounding unintelligent. "You _are_ my girlfriend, after all..."

Penelope smiled, and Percy kissed her. "I think I see why they want to keep their relationship secret," he said. "Because if this is what a secret relationship feels like, I wouldn't want it any other way.

"Glad to see I've won you over," Penelope said with a smile. "You seemed a little hesitant this morning."

_A little!_ shouted Drunk Percy incredulously, somewhere at the back of Percy's brain. Percy hastily pushed that thought out of the way. _Not today, Drunk Percy_.

"You have indeed," Percy said. With that, he flopped backwards onto the grass, not caring whether he got wet or not. Penelope lay down next to him, taking his hand and squeezing it.

"I'm so glad that all this has happened," she whispered. And she really meant it.

"Me too," Percy replied. Although he wasn't as sure that he was happy about everything.

xxx

Later that afternoon, when Oliver next saw Percy, he was _considerably_ happier than he had been when they'd last spoken. In fact, Percy looked like someone who had just swallowed a rainbow. Or, you know, some Muggle drugs.

They sat at their usual table in Potions. Percy, Oliver and Jack had been the only Gryffindor boys who got the grade for Potions, - in Oliver's case, somewhat begrudgingly, for he had been trying _so_ hard to fail it - and they sat at a bench with Kathleen. Usually, Percy would work with Kathleen, and Oliver with Jack, but this time Oliver wanted to get as much out of Percy as he could about Penelope. So they did a little swap.

"So?" Oliver said, getting ready to grill. "What's made you all smiley?"

"What do you think?" Percy snapped in a somewhat angry tone, not turning away from his cauldron. He wasn't frowning, though. The Amortentia in Percy's cauldron was turning the required colour, and he was concentrating _far_ too hard to pay attention to Oliver.

"Penelope?" Oliver prompted. _His_ Amortentia was quite the wrong colour, and it looked like there was something dying down the bottom of his cauldron.

Percy merely nodded.

"Does it smell like her?"

In response, Percy took a ladle-full of the Amortentia and sniffed it. He shook his head. "It smells like books. And my mother's cooking. And water. And there's this other weird smell that I can't quite pinpoint..."

Oliver suppressed a laugh. "So you love books, and wet, oedipal-"

"Edible?"

"No, _oedipal_. You don't know shit about Muggles, do you? Well, they've got this legend about this guy called Oedipus Rex who killed his father and then married his mother."

Percy's face soured. "Muggles are disgusting."

"Well, according to your Amortentia, you've got a thing for your-"

"Would it _kill_ you to shut up, Oliver?"

Oliver grinned. "Yep. Anyway, if that doesn't smell like Penelope, then what _does_she smell like? The unidentifiable smell?"

"No, that doesn't smell like her either. Penelope smells like... perfume. Sugary, scented perfume."

"I see."

As Oliver was leaning over to smell Percy's cauldron, Professor Snape walked past them disdainfully. "I see, _Mister Wood_, that your Amortentia is not _quite_of the consistency it should be."

"Sorry, Professor," Oliver mumbled, "I just _love_ failing potions, see..."

Percy held back a smile. You weren't supposed to find impudence funny.

"Sometimes, _Wood_, I wonder how you ever made that 'O' in your Potions O.W.L."

"So do _I_," he muttered in response, to which Snape took five points off Gryffindor for rudeness.

"You shouldn't say things like that, Oliver. You'll _never_ win the House Cup if you go on at that rate."

"Hey, to be fair, I'm only a prick to teachers in classes that I'm failing. I.e., _Potions_."

They worked in silence for a few minutes, before Oliver remembered that he hadn't got to sniff the Amortentia yet.

"Hey, Perce, let me get a sniff of your potion."

"It's _Percy_, Oliver. And no, you may _not_ sniff my potion. Not until yours looks like it should."

Ignoring him, Oliver got off his stool, and, pushing Percy aside, shoved his head above the cauldron.

"So? What can you smell?"

"Quidditch! And, ooh! Ooh! Cheesecake! And that Muggle cleaning spray for glasses!" Oliver blurted out in his excitement.

Percy frowned. Oliver had given him a bottle of Muggle cleaning spray for his fourteenth birthday, and had enchanted it so that it never ran out. Percy always used it to clean his glasses; it was such a novelty, and he enjoyed his little cleaning ritual every morning after his glasses had fogged up in the shower. Percy wasn't aware of it, but you could smell it on him for the rest of the day.

"Cleaning spray?"

"Yeah, uh... my mum uses it," he replied, blushing. "Guess we've _both_ got Oedipus complexes, eh?"

"Complexes?" Percy asked, completely forgetting any curiosities he might have had about why Oliver loved the smell of cleaning spray.

Before Oliver could explain to Percy what a complex was, however, class ended and they had to move on.

For the rest of the afternoon, Percy was trying to figure out just what that last smell was. He had snuck himself a vial of the Amortentia, and sat sniffing it in his spare time. It _certainly_ didn't smell like sugary, scented perfume. _Perhaps_, he mused, _it's what Penny smells like without her perfume on..._

He was sitting in the common room before dinner when Fred and George walked in on him sniffing the potion.

"Whatya got there, Prefect Percival?" Fred asked chirpily. The twins calling him "Percival" was almost as bad as Oliver calling him "Perce".

"None of your business," Percy said, clasping his hand around the vial.

"_Accio_ Percy's potion!" George said, waving his wand. Percy felt the vial being wrenched out of his hand, and Fred grabbed it from the air, pulling the cork out.

"Hmm," he muttered, looking into the vial before sniffing it, "smells like a cross between Honeyduke's and Zonko's."

Percy tried not to laugh. If _that_ was what Fred's Amortentia smelt like, he was _never_ going to get a girlfriend. Except perhaps one, what, nine years old? Girls grew out of that stuff.

"Give it here!" George demanded. He, too, sniffed the potion. "You're bonkers, you are, Fred! Smells nothing like that!"

"Then what _does_ it smell like?"

"Smells like Angelina."

Percy gulped. If George fancied Angelina, he would be in for a bit of a rude surprise. _Best save that one for later_, he thought.

"What's it do?" Fred asked Percy.

Percy decided to stall for thinking time by bluffing. "Ah, you see, this potion here is interesting. The ingredients in it are _very_ rare, and you have to use a _single_ tail hair pulled from a unicorn living in Siberia using silver tweezers. Now, the brewing process-"

"Yeah, yeah," Fred cut Percy off, "I didn't ask for a bloody essay!" With that, he tossed the potion back to Percy, thankfully with the cork back in, and he only just caught it.

"I'm gonna go smell Angelina," Fred said to George, "see if she smells like that poncy unicorn shit."

"Tosser!" George yelled, slapping his twin.

"Hey, at least I don't go around sniffing her at Quidditch practise!"

George blushed. "I do _not_!"

"Don't worry, mate, I'm not planning on telling Wood-for-brains about how you waste your time at practise any day soon."

At this, instead of asking them why they were still standing there, Percy took offence at their little nickname for Oliver. "Wood-for-brains?"

"Oops, we've offended Percikins," George said in a startling impersonation of their mother. "What would you rather? We've got a couple involving the wood between his legs, and even one about who gets him woody-"

George was stopped mid-rant. Oliver had walked up behind the twins and, having the advantage of height, grabbed the back of their robes and twisted the fabric.

"Saying something, George?"

"Uh..."

"Just bugger off and go smell Ange, you little gobshites," he snapped, making Percy wonder just how long Oliver had been listening for, and just where he had been hiding. Oliver flopped down on the arm of Percy's chair as the twins dutifully buggered off, and casually slipped an arm around an unnoticing Percy's shoulder.

"Don't you mind that they're going to sniff Angelina?" Percy asked, confused.

Oliver raised an eyebrow, equally as confused. "Why should I?"

"Uh, never mind," Percy muttered. _I suppose their relationship could be weirder,_ he thought bitterly, _Angelina_could_be pretending to go out with someone else at the same time..._

Oliver noticed the Amortentia in Percy's hand. "Figured out what that smell is yet?"

"Not yet," Percy replied, scrunching his face up in that way he did when he was concentrating. The smell was getting stronger now.

But the cork was still in.

_Oh Merlin. It's Oliver. It smells like Oliver._ Percy turned red as a beet all over and shoved the Amortentia back into his pocket, his hand grasped tightly around it. Yes, he was _definitely_ smelling Oliver.

"Got something?" Oliver inquired.

"Yeah," Percy said softly, "I think I must've made a mistake somewhere. I mean, this is going to sound silly, but it kinda... it sort of smells like you!" By this point, Percy's voice had gotten louder, more high-pitched, and more than just a little manic.

"I think it's not strong enough. I mean, I don't love my _mother_ in that way, I don't love _books_in that way, nor water, nor you... so it's _got_ to be more the smells of friendship, and _like_, rather than love..."

He trailed off, leaving Oliver looking insanely proud of himself. But when Percy said the word "_like_", well, Oliver's stomach clenched, and he felt like throwing up.

"Aww, Perce," he started, forcing himself to be jovial, "don't you _love_ me?"

Percy didn't reply, but got up with a distant look on his face and stumbled in the direction of his dorm.

_I_never_get potions wrong!_ he thought. _I'm slipping!_

But there was another thought that Percy was pushing to the back of his mind, one that was a lot scarier than having gotten the potion wrong.

What if he'd done it correctly?

* * *

**Author's Ramble**: So so so? What do you think? Even if you utterly despised it, LEAVE A REVIEW because they're like crack; my face lights up every time I see that I have a new email from FanFiction telling me that someone has left me a review. If you're nice enough, I'll hurry up the slashiness! =D *Crosses fingers behind back*  
Anyway. This time, I was a little clueless. Yeah, that explains the gap in the updates. I had no idea where to go after Penelope and Percy reconcile their differences. (And I've got exams coming up, boo hoo.) So then I got this idea, 'cause I wanted a Potions scene: what do they do in sixth year Potions in the books? Why, Amortentia, of course! So there's a bit of mushy goodness happening here.  
Next chapter, Percy ponders his potion-making abilities, and Oliver sits steaming in a corner. Or not.

- _Legs_


	8. Smells Like Trouble

**EDIT**: Re-submitted due to some GODAWFUL typos, picked up by my lovely friend Clare. Usually, I HATE re-submitting with a passion, but these were just terrible. So apologies to my watchers for clogging your inboxes. :)

Welcome to the wonderful world of Chapter 8! Thanks to **Nikki Diamond**, **Rome J Wolf**, **Memories Left Abandoned** and **MoMoCookie** for reviewing, and to **DaiHinMin** for faveing! It's muchly appreciated.  
Now, before we begin, I must put in a plug for my co-account owner, the hideously amusing _Lacrima_. She's writing a Crabbe/Goyle fic called "Tiara" which you must all read (you can find it on this same account) because she's like one of those poor little dogs in a pound, staring up at you with wide eyes, just begging "Please, read my story!" So please, read her story. :)

**Disclaimer**: Not mine, blah blah blah. I even stole a chunk of dialogue straight out of CoS. So shoot me. This is fan fiction.

Now, on with the show!

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8. Smells Like Trouble

The Christmas holidays were vast approaching, and panic was rising day by day amongst the students of Hogwarts. Another kid had been petrified - someone in Ron's year, if Percy remembered correctly - Justin Some-Long-And-Pretentious-Double-Barrel-Name. Muggle-born, apparently.

People were going on about the heir of Slytherin. Since _that_ incident at the Duelling Club (what a stupid club! Why would people be interested?), people thought that Harry Potter, of all the options, was the heir! It was insane! Of course, Percy knew it couldn't be Harry. He didn't have the balls (as Oliver liked to put it) to petrify people.

There was, understandably, a lot of the terror going around. All the Muggle-borns feared for their lives. Of the Muggle-borns Percy knew, it seemed only Thom was unafraid, but then again, Thom didn't care about anything.

Yes, there was a general climate of fear, but Percy Weasley couldn't have been happier. He had a gorgeous girlfriend, and they had been meeting in secret all over the school since they had started going out. It was, simply put, thrilling. He didn't care that everyone was freaking out around him. He was in heaven.

He spent his spare time snogging Penelope, or studying with Penelope, or talking to Penelope, or playing with Penelope's hair... all in all, Percy's spare time pretty much _was_ Penelope. He was head-over-heels in love with her, and she with him. If their relationship had been public, Percy often found himself thinking, they would've made the perfect couple.

And to top it all off, Percy had gotten _another_ perfect score on an Ancient Runes assignment. His life was wonderful.

But there was just _one_ thing troubling him. He still had that vial of Amortentia tucked away in the pocket of his robes, and no matter how hard he sniffed, how far away he was from Oliver, it still smelt like the aforementioned Oliver.

So, just after the night of the Christmas feast, Percy felt the overwhelming need to get all this anxiety out of his system. And the only way he could think of doing that was by going down to the dungeons and setting a few things straight.

Of course, Professor Snape wasn't about - he would be up at the feast - so Percy slipped easily into the Potions classroom without anyone noticing. Besides, he _was_ a Prefect! If anyone discovered him, he could just say that he'd received a tip-off that some third-years were playing hide and seek down there. And he'd just _happened_ to be brewing some Amortentia while he was at it... yeah, right...

It was easy enough for a student as diligent as Percy to cast the required silencing spells, and locate all the needed ingredients, and get everything prepared neatly. This time, he had no Oliver to distract him, and so he did everything precisely by the book. No mistakes. While he was stirring, he mused that perhaps some of Oliver's hair, or skin, or something, had made its way into his potion. That could explain the lingering smell...

No sooner than he had started, it seemed, Percy was finished, and performing cleaning spells on the cauldron he had used. He put everything back in place, and smiling to himself, Percy noted that it looked like there had never been anyone in there.

Just as he slipped out, two fat and, frankly, ugly Slytherin boys rounded the corner. Crabbe and Goyle, if Percy's miraculous memory for names was correct. Unlike Justin Whatsit, whose first name was easier to remember, these two only went by their surnames, it seemed. It was a mission of Percy's to learn the name of _absolutely every_ student at Hogwarts. It was a good feature, after all, for an aspiring Head Boy to possess.

"What're you doing down here?" asked one of the fat boys - Crabbe, Percy guessed. He sounded almost surprised.

Percy stiffened up, pulling his best "I Am Much More Powerful Than You, So Don't Dare Question Me" face. "That," - he paused for dramatic effect, - "is none of your business. It's Crabbe, isn't it?

Crabbe - how thick _was_ he? - looked confused. "Wh- oh, yeah..." He sounded like he had forgotten his own name! Percy laughed inwardly at the idea.

"Well, get off to your dormitories," he said, now in full Prefect Mode. He thought that he'd try the "monster in the corridors" excuse for this pitiful pair. "It's not safe to go wandering around dark corridors these days."

"_You_ are!" said Crabbe derisively. Goyle - that just _had_ to be it - was just standing there gormlessly, saying nothing. _Probably just overwhelmed by my air of authority_, Percy thought.

"_I_ am a Prefect," Percy said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Nothing's about to attack _me_."

That ought to do it. Suddenly, another came onto the scene. It was that stupid friend of Crabbe and Goyle's, and one whose name Percy could never forget, purely because he was _such_ a pompous twat (more so than Percy, if that's possible to believe!) - Draco Malfoy.

"There you are," he began, looking calm and aloof. "Have you two been pigging out in the Great Hall all this time?"

Crabbe and Goyle exchanged nervous glances, which made Percy wonder if they'd been getting up to anything anywhere near as innocent.

"I've been looking for you, I want to show you something really funny," Draco added, smirking. Then he turned his face to Percy, and switched effortlessly from smirk to snarl. "And what're you doing down here, Weasley?"

_Since when did_YOU_own the corridors, you piece of elitist slime?_ It seemed as though Drunk Percy was threatening to show his face. Percy pushed him out of the way quickly.

"You want to show a bit more respect to a school Prefect!" Drunk Percy snapped. Apparently, he hadn't been entirely successful in eradicating his inner drunkard. "I don't like your attitude!"

Percy cringed slightly. He sounded _just_ like his mother.

Draco just made a face at him, before leading Crabbe and Goyle off. Goyle turned over his shoulder and looked at Percy, almost - could it be? - looking a bit apologetic.

_Hah_, Percy thought, _that'll be the day_.

With that, Percy headed back to the great hall to find Penelope. In his thoughts about her, he forgot that he hadn't sniffed his Amortentia yet.

He and Penelope had agreed both to stay in the Castle over the holidays; that way they would get more time alone. Together. Percy smiled warmly at the thought.

As he entered the Great Hall, he saw Penelope sitting at the Ravenclaw table chatting to a couple of her friends. He walked up behind her, and tapped her on the shoulder. He noticed, with some gladness, that Peter seemed not to be present.

"Penny? Still up for that Ancient Runes study session?"

Penelope looked up absent-mindedly. "What? Oh, uh... yeah," she stuttered. _Evidently_, thought Percy, _she's forgotten our little code_. That little code being that one of them would suggest a subject to study, which would actually be referring to the classroom in which they would meet the other in five minutes or so.

"Well, I'll just go and fetch my books," Percy replied, "and I'll meet you in around five-ten minutes."

"Yeah, sure..." Penelope muttered, and turned back to her friends.

Looking slightly hurt, Percy turned away and headed towards the Ancient Runes classroom, which, as he had predicted, was empty. He sat cross-legged on one of the desks, facing the door just in case anyone walked past. This way, he would have more time to think of an excuse for his being alone in an empty classroom. Sneaking around like this wasn't exactly good behaviour for a Prefect, but Percy tended to put that thought aside. In every other aspect, he was a model student.

After about eight minutes and forty-seven seconds of waiting, Penelope decided to turn up.

"Sorry about this, Percy... I don't want my friends to be suspicious of anything, you know..."

Percy nodded. "I understand. That doesn't matter, though. We've got all night," he said, in as close as he could get to sounding suggestive.

Penelope grinned, and leant in to kiss Percy. However, just before she reached his lips, she stopped, and whispered "Oh, I know..."

Their lips touched, and before Percy knew what he was doing, he had gripped Penelope tightly around the waist, and was pulling her closer, so in no time at all she was straddling him on top of the desk. Percy pushed his legs out in front of him and let himself be pinned to the table top. Penelope pressed him down and kissed him harder. _So_this _is what a horny girl is like..._ Percy thought, and immediately castigated himself for thinking it. What right did _he_ have to make assumptions about female stimulation?

Suddenly, Percy felt his back getting colder. It seemed, while he had been musing about the mysteries of women, Penelope had slipped her hands up the back of his shirt. How she had managed to untuck it was anyone's guess. Percy found himself wishing desperately that he had worn his robes out that night; surely they would be harder to get into?

They were still kissing, and one of Penelope's hands found its way to the buttons down Percy's front, and started undoing them one by one. Percy felt the front of her satin blouse pressed against his chest, which was slightly warmer than her frosty hands, but no more comfortable. His suffering was soon alleviated, however, as she pulled away from him, and sat up, not moving from her position, though.

"Penny, what are you-"

Percy was cut off. Well, if by "cut off", you mean "had a hand placed over his mouth in order to muffle any sounds of protest", then yes, Percy was "cut off". And to top it all off, there was an uncomfortable tightness gathering in Percy's already too-tight-to-be-healthy pants. He noted to himself to gain some weight. That way, he wouldn't have to wear skinny pants on weekends and other out-of-uniform occasions.

With her one hand still silencing the now freaking-the-hell-out Percy, her other began to unbutton her own shirt. From under Penelope's hand - which, in case you were wondering, ensured that Percy could hardly breathe - he could see glimpses of some lacy undergarments poking out... it looked almost as though Penelope had been planning this all day!

"Penny," Percy said (although it sounded more like "PMFFEEE"), "maybe we should stop here before this gets any further..."

"Nonsense, Percy!" Penny said, giggling. "I'm just getting to the good part!"

Panicking, Percy reached into his pocket and drew his wand. "Penny, if you go any further, I'll stupefy you." ("Pmffee, fffygnneeefftthhh, llsthffffyyy!")

Noticing the fear in Percy's face, the redness of his cheeks and the tears forming in his eyes, Penelope removed her hand and climbed off Percy and the desk hastily, doing up her blouse. "Percy, I don't know what to say... I'm so sorry!"

Percy forced himself to smile. "S'okay, Penny," he muttered. "S'fine, really..."

"No, Percy, that was terrible of me... I just got carried away..."

Percy shook his head, and, shoving his wand back into his pocket, dashed to the exit of the classroom. He noticed, in dismay, that the door had been left open. Anyone could have seen them! Thankfully, there had been no disturbances. What Percy did not count on was turning out of the door and running straight into his little sister Ginny. Her eyes were wide open in shock, and she had dropped a little book or something on the ground next to her.

"Percy!" she said, her voice heightening, and her expression of shock turning into a grin.

"Don't tell a soul!" Percy snapped in embarrassment, blushing. "Or I'll report you!"

Ginny whitened a little, and Percy had no desire to stick around and chat. He spun past Ginny and ran all the way to the Gryffindor Tower.

"Password?" asked the Fat Lady. "Wait- before you go in there..."

"What?"

"You might want to do up your shirt."

Percy blushed, hastily did his buttons, and gave the password before rushing through the portrait hole and straight up to his dorm.

Oliver and the others had all gone home for the holidays, so he was completely alone. He fell backwards onto his bed, and promptly started to cry. This time, Percy didn't try and stop himself, and he didn't scold himself for being weak, he just cried. Within minutes, his face was wet and warm with tears, and he felt as though he could cry no more.

What he really needed was Oliver. Oliver would always listen to him complain about how terrible his life was; he was a proverbial shoulder to cry on. Oliver would give him a hug, tell him that Penelope wasn't worth his time, and offer to go find some firewhiskey to alleviate the pain. Oliver would listen.

Percy had no one to listen to him now. He was just completely alone in his dorm. When he coughed, it echoed off the walls.

Suddenly, Percy remembered that he hadn't checked the Amortentia yet. He pulled the vial out of his pocket and held it up next to the one that lay on his bedside table. They were the exact same colour. He shook them a bit. Exact same consistency. Held one in each hand. Exact same weight.

Shaking his head, Percy got the vial that he had made that afternoon and levitated into the wasteparchment bin by his desk. What he needed then was not accuracy, or comfort that he had brewed the potion incorrectly the first time, but Oliver. And if the original potion hadn't changed any since that morning, that was where he would find him.

Flipping the cork out of the vial, Percy lifted it to his nose and took a deep sniff.

xxx

Percy woke up the next morning with a strange, burning pain on his chest. Sitting up, he noticed that there was a slick of Amortentia running down his shirt. Apparently, he had fallen asleep holding the potion open. Apparently, he had also fallen asleep in the same clothes he had been wearing the night before. And his buttons weren't done up correctly. Percy blushed, even though there was no-one there to see him.

Getting out of bed, he got himself dressed in a half-daze, pondering everything that had happened in the last ten hours or so. After his encounter with Penelope, the burning desire for Oliver's company that had been eating away at him had set in, and now it was beginning to ebb away, and was soon replaced with a burning desire to smell his more recent Amortentia; the one that he had thrown into the bin.

Then Percy remembered (all-too-late) the auto-_Incendio_ spell that Daffyd had put on his wasteparchment bin several months ago; the one that he had not yet found out how to counter-curse. By now, the Amortentia was nothing but dust in the bottom of the wicker basket.

Sitting down at his desk (from lack of anything else to do), Percy got out his quill and some parchment and began to write a letter to Oliver.

_Dear Oliver, how's Christmas treating you? All's well at Hogwarts; a couple of the Slytherin kids acting up, however. They're all a bit_too_excited about the whole Chamber of Secrets thing. Personally, I think it's all a bit of hype. I don't think there's an heir, or anything... but I digress._

_What I was really writing to tell you about was what happened to me last night. Penelope tried to (I think) have intimate relations with me. It was rather intimidating, I must confess, and has left my nerves in quite a wreck. I'm not sure exactly what compelled her to... well, perhaps I should start by confessing that we've been seeing each other secretly around the school for quite a while now. Although I suppose that won't come as a surprise to you. You know my habits rather better than anyone else, I think._

_So we've got this relationship, but she hasn't broken up with Peter, and I somehow doubt that she intends to. And yet she tried to have me last night! Perhaps there are some things in this world that one is not meant to comprehend?_

_I do hate to admit that I'm wrong, but sometimes, I have to concede to you a point, and now is one of those times. Sometimes, Oliver, I feel that I "need a hug", as you so often claim. Right now, I am feeling particularly in need of a hug. I don't suppose you can/would want to come back to school early, can/would you? I'm not asking that. All I'm asking is that you get this letter, read this letter, and maybe even think for a bit about what a bad friend I am that I haven't told you about my secret relationship._

_Then maybe once you've done that, you can write back, and tell me that everything is going to be alright, that it's not going to happen again, and that I should stop worrying._

_Or whatever you want. Who am I to tell you how to write a letter? I suppose you don't even have to write. I'll see you in a couple of weeks, anyway. Until then._

_Love, Percy._

_

* * *

_

**Author's Ramble**: So what did you guys think? Was it EVEN CUTER than chapter seven? You know you're just itching to tell me, so you know what to do! Click that little green "Leave a Review" button, and SPREAD THE LOVE!  
Anyway, I kinda got a bit cannonical in this chapter, didn't I? There's a lot that fits in with the actual plot of CoS, during which this is set. But I've finally (I know I keep saying this) found a clear direction for this fic; one that fits in with the plot and everything~  
And I'm sorry, since there's no Oliver in this even-numbered chapter, no Muggle music for you. :( Maybe next time.  
And I hate myself for writing that intimate scene there. It hurt my brain. And offended my sensibilities. Etc.  
Until next time!

- _Legs_


	9. Moments Of Madness

WOOHOO! It's been over two weeks, but now I bring you CHAPTER 9! Fun and fancy ahead!  
Thanks to **ZombieMops**, **passionate4pens94**, **Memories Left Abandoned**, **HarryxPotterx4ever**, **Rome J Wolf**, **Remus-Chocolade**, **cinnamon-shake**, **LoveIsAJokeWithNoPunchline** and **taoueriT** for their reviews, to **passionate4pens94**, **Remus-Chocolade**,**cinnamon-shake**, **aiiiyo**, **LoveIsAJokeWithNoPunchline**, **angelchild94** and **taoueriT** for alerting, and finally to **passionate4pens94**, **Charley Reede**, **dearmanica**and **cinnamon-shake**for faveing. Also big thanks to my friend Von for being my second pair of eyes and helping me proof-read. I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

**Disclaimer**: Oooh, look at me writing a sequel to Harry Potter in which Harry dies, Percy marries Oliver and Narcissa has an affair with Aragog! Um, no. I don't own anything.

* * *

9. Moments Of Madness

As the day wore on, Percy grew more and more anxious. He was sure that if he kept away from Penelope for much longer, she would no longer be interested in him, and that would be that. No more Happy Percy. No more "I don't care about the monster of Slytherin, I've got a girlfriend!" Percy. And so he had a good, long think about what to do in such a situation. What Oliver would do in such a situation.

Lying on his bed, Percy turned his head to face where Oliver would have been. "Well, Oliver? What do you think I should do?"

"_Well, isn't it obvious?_" Percy replied to himself.

"Is it?"

"_'Course it is, silly! Apologise to her!_"

"D'you think so?"

"_Absolutely! Go find her, and tell her..._"

Percy was at a loss. What would Oliver tell him to tell her?

"... tell her I love her?"

"_We-ell, you_could_... then again, maybe it's too early for..._"

At this, Percy cut off Imaginary Oliver. It appeared that he had forgotten that he was talking to a figment of his imagination. "Too early? Too early for what? Who can honestly put a time-frame on romance? You? You wish! I _do_ love Penelope! Absolutely, and who are YOU to tell me that I don't? Or that it's _too early_? I LOVE her! Just like YOU love Angelina!"

He paused to catch his breath. He was on his feet now, staring at Oliver's bed furiously. There was no reply to his tirade.

"You know what, Oliver? I will! And I am! And I'm going! Now!"

With that, he pulled on his robe and stormed out of the dorm, slamming the door harshly behind him. He stomped noisily down the stairs and brushed past any poor soul who happened to be in his way, attracting various strange looks as he went on his way.

Predictably, Penelope was in the library. She had her head buried in a Transfiguration text book, and didn't look up when Percy approached her.

"Penny," Percy said, somewhat more forcefully than he was intending, "we need to have a little talk."

"What about?" she replied, not looking up. But she didn't sound angry. In fact, she was blushing.

"I think you know very well," Percy answered, sounding gentler this time. He pulled out the chair in front of her and sat down.

"I was so stupid to think that... I don't know! That that was what you wanted," she muttered. "I just really wanted you to love me..."

As she trailed off, Percy took her hands in his. "I _do_ love you. You don't need to try. You're perfect as you are." He smiled genuinely at her.

Penelope looked up, looking embarrassed and delighted in equal measures. "You really mean it?"

"'Course I do!" Percy said, sounding not unlike Oliver in Best-Friend-Mode.

"And... you still want to be with me?"

"Naturally!"

Without another word, Penelope leant across the desk and kissed Percy quietly on the lips. She pulled away, still red, and looking much more innocent than she had the previous night. Several people in the library had seen, but Percy was sure that most of them (rather unfortunately) didn't know who he was.

_What I wouldn't give for my brothers to walk in and see, and tell the whole school... then Penny could break up with Peter and we could be-_

Percy stopped himself there. That was disrespectful to Penelope's wishes.

Suddenly, Penelope shut her book with a loud slamming noise. "Come on! Let's go find an empty room and do some hardcore snogging!"

Percy looked up and smiled gormlessly - not an expression that you would usually find on his face - for he could do nothing but take Penelope's hand and let himself be led out of the library and into the Arithmancy room.

xxx

When Oliver got Percy's letter, he read it with a mixture of concern and that feeling of "Aww, he's growing up!" that is unique to those in love with their best friend. In the end, however, he settled on concern. After all, he could only imagine how terrible Percy would be feeling after something like that. Percy was to inexperience as Oliver was to Quidditch. They just naturally went together.

So Oliver decided to write a letter of his own, using Percy's letter as reference, and then proceeding to cut out the words "_Dear Oliver_" and "_Love, Percy_" and slip them in his wallet.

_Dear Percy, I'm so sorry to hear that things aren't that well on your end! It's terrible that Penelope came onto you like that, and not very considerate at all. Oh, and you're right, of COURSE I knew about you two! It was hard NOT to see the change in your whole countenance after your relationship started._

_And if you want to know my HONEST opinion, a girl who's not willing to break up with her boyfriend for you is NOT worth your time. Maybe you should give her a taste of her own medicine, and break up with her! Or you could even start seeing someone else! That would show her! Get a "proper" girlfriend (or boyfriend!) like she has Peter, and let her see what the shoe feels like on the other foot. I know I'm full of clichés, but it's for the best, honestly._

_This is not something that you're not meant to comprehend! She's your girlfriend, for Merlin's sake! It's your job to know everything about her._

_However, you're definitely on the right track about the hug thing. There is nothing I would like more than to be at Hogwarts now and to be with you in our dorm and to be hugging the breath out of you. In a completely non-violent way._

_AND on that last point: HOW could you POSSIBLY think that I wouldn't reply to your letter? Percy, you're my best friend and it's my job to look after you and make sure that you stay sane and make sure that you BREAK IT OFF WITH PENELOPE BECAUSE SHE'S NOT RIGHT FOR YOU. NOT AT ALL. You need someone who doesn't have to try to get your attention, and someone who's actually single! Sure, this little affair has made you happier, but you've got to think; where's it gonna lead in the long term? Someone like you needs someone more committed, and less Penelope._

_Heck, I'LL go out with you if it'll get you away from her. I probably would anyway._

_So, IN CONCLUSION, find someone BETTER. Or at least LEAVE PENELOPE._

_Love, Oliver._

With that final flourish, Oliver put down his quill forcefully. Re-reading over the letter, Oliver couldn't help but think that maybe be he'd been a _bit_ too suggestive. Perhaps the fact that he had included "boyfriend" as an option, and that the phrase "I'LL go out with you" was in there made his attentions somewhat obvious. On the other hand, maybe it was the kick in the pants that Percy needed. Maybe he _needed_ something shocking to jolt him out of his lust-induced stupor.

"Yeah, that's the one," Oliver mumbled to himself, slipping the letter neatly into an envelope, and sealing it tightly, writing Percy's name on the front. After sending his owl off, he stood silent for a minute, wondering what he had just gotten himself into. If that letter got into the wrong hands, say those of Fred and/or George, for example, he would be dead. His life would be over, because everyone knew that he was madly in love with Percy Weasley, and that Percy would never love him back because he was so..._straight_.

Angrily, he kicked his wall rather roughly, before collapsing in a heap on the floor, wondering if it was too late to call his owl back.

"FUCKING HELL!" he called out loudly to no-one in particular, and slammed his fist down on the wooden floorboards beneath him.

"KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!" his older sister yelled from the next room. "Some of us are trying to STUDY!"

His face went blank for a few moments, before he remembered why the hell a twenty-one year old, long gone from Hogwarts, would be studying. His enthusiastic, Muggle-loving parents had given birth to his sister, who had taken it all a step further and had given up a promising career in Quidditch to be a student at a Muggle University.

"Yeah, well," he called back, "some of us are trying to forget that they just committed social suicide!"

xxx

When Oliver arrived back at Hogwarts after the summer break, he kept his head down and tried to avoid any of the usual suspects. However, as he was making his way through the Great Hall, he was accosted by Daffyd.

"Oliver, my man!"

"Uh, hi..."

"Wonderful to hear about these latest developments in your love life!" Daffyd said, clapping him on the back.

Oliver paled. He just _knew_ this would happen. "What have you heard?"

"Well, you know, naturally at first I thought they were joking, but the more I think about it, the more obvious it seems!"

Oliver kept walking and didn't reply. He assumed that "they" referred to Fred and George. Just as he has suspected. _What an idiot..._

"I just _had_ to check if it was true! 'Course, _she_ denied it, but you know how girls are, eh?" He nudged Oliver and winked.

"She?"

"Yeah, your girlfriend!"

Oliver stopped walking. "... what?"

Daffyd rolled his eyes. "Idiot! Don't even _try_ and play dumb with me! It's all over the school! Everyone knows that you and Angelina are the latest hot couple!"

"... _Angelina_?"

"Well, yeah. You _are_ dating her, aren't you?"

"Uh, no..." Oliver replied honestly. "To tell you the truth, I don't know where that came from. I'm, uh... no! Not at all!"

By this stage he was less confused and more disgusted at the idea. Not that he didn't like Angelina; she was a great friend. She just wasn't Percy, though.

"Daffyd, I can _heartily_ assure you that Angelina and I are not, never have been, and most probably never _will be_ dating!"

Daffyd raised his eyebrows. "Whatever, man. You can deny it, but hey, don't shoot the messenger. I'm only tellin' you what everyone else thinks is the truth."

Oliver shrugged as Daffyd walked off. He couldn't exactly expect Daffyd to come to his rescue and tell everyone the truth, could he now?

Then again, he should have been greatly relieved. No-one knew about his letter to Percy. Presumably Percy had kept it to himself, and now all Oliver had to do was straighten things out with him. With Percy, his best friend, the love of his life, who would probably never talk to him because he thought he was a complete creep... oh great.

xxx

Percy was lying on his bed reading when Oliver walked in looking like he'd just seen a ghost. He looked up from his book. "Hello, Oliver!"

Oliver smiled. "Hey, Perce! D'you miss me?"

"I think you know very well that I did," Percy said stiffly, getting off his bed and throwing his arms around Oliver. _Very_ out of character, he thought.

Oliver pulled Percy closer. "I missed you too. And, I, uh... I got your letter. Did you get mine?"

Percy pulled away. "Oh, yes, I did, but I haven't read it yet. It's still on my desk there."

Oliver sighed. "Oh, thank Merlin."

"Uh, why?"

Blushing, Oliver replied "Oh, well, there was just some, uh... stuff in there... that's all. So come on! Tell me how it went with Penelope!"

At this, Percy's face lit up, and he forgot all about the letter. "Well, I thought to myself, 'What would Oliver do?' And in the past, you've told me to apologise, so I thought that I would go and make up with Penny!"

Oliver tried rather unsuccessfully to keep the incredulity out of his face. Would he _really_ say to do that? "So did you?"

"I did! And I told her that I love her! And we're together! And it's all better! I should've written..."

"Nah, don't worry. 'S'all good."

Oliver flopped down on his bed. "This is BULLSHIT!" he shouted randomly.

Percy sat down beside him. "What's bullshit, Oliver?"

"Apparently, everybody bloody thinks that I'm with Angelina!"

Percy's face expressed some confusion. "You mean... you're not?"

"Well, DUH!" Oliver said loudly. "You, Percy, of all people, believe that rubbish? You're my best friend! I think I'd've told you if I had a girlfriend!"

At this, Percy blushed. What Oliver probably intended as a jibe at Percy's secrecy about his relationship with Penelope, Percy took with embarrassment. He didn't just _believe_ the rumours, he had inadvertently started them! Of course, he hadn't expected Penelope to tell anyone his suspicions, but...

"I'm sorry," was all he could say.

"Don't be. It wouldn't be so hard if..."

"If what?"

"If the person that I'm head over heels with KNEW that I was head over heels with them, and felt the same way!"

Now _this_ was new, Percy thought. Oliver had never mentioned liking anyone before. But Percy knew better than to ask. After all, he'd kept his fair deal of secrets from Oliver. Instead, he put a hand on Oliver's shoulder in what he assumed was a comforting manner.

A few minutes of silence later, Oliver jumped up and grabbed his broom. "I need a good fly. Wanna come watch?"

"Sure," Percy replied, getting up and putting on his robe, "a bit of fresh air will do us both good."

As they walked to the door, Oliver stopped past Percy's desk and casually brushed his letter into the wasteparchment bin. Percy pretended not to notice. If Oliver really didn't want him to read that letter, he would definitely have a good reason.

The air was indeed nice and fresh outside, in that way that it was as winter prepared to thaw into spring. Oliver strode purposefully towards the Quidditch pitch, occasionally looking over his shoulder and smiling at Percy, who was following a few paces behind. Percy would smile back, and then Oliver would turn back ahead, and Percy would stand smiling for a few seconds more before it clicked that there was nothing for him to be smiling at, and he would switch his facial expression to neutral.

When they got to the pitch, Percy took a set in the stands as Oliver prepared to kick off into flight. He hadn't brought a book or anything with him, but that was okay, because he would just do what he always did when Oliver was flying. Watch.

For a brief moment, Percy was reminded of how he had felt watching the Quidditch when he was drunk. He had been taken by how spectacular it all looked. But now, he was completely sober, and it still looked just as beautiful.

_Or maybe that's just Oliver_, he thought.

Percy started. He rubbed the back of his head, unsure as to whether he had just thought what he thought he'd thought, or whether someone was using Legilimency to get into his brain. It certainly didn't _feel_ like magic. Percy knew enough Muggle science to tell that it was definitely a genuine thought.

He looked up at Oliver again. _Yes, he is definitely very beautiful. While flying. Of course, while flying! I mean, it's_Oliver_. He's not beautiful, more... handsome? Striking? Dashing?_

Percy mentally slapped himself. What was he doing thinking up synonyms for beautiful? Why couldn't he just watch Oliver fly and not have to think to hard about how he looked whilst doing it? Was that too much?

When Oliver landed back on the pitch, his hair was windswept, his robe was blown rather badly out of place, and yet he managed to look just as good.

_Percy, snap out of it! Oliver? Good-looking? What's gotten into you today?_

Before he knew it, Oliver was standing in front of him, and Percy stood up, rather absent-mindedly. He was looking Oliver directly in the eye, and they weren't standing particularly far apart.

_No, he's_definitely_very good-looking._

Percy was struck speechless by his own thought process.

Oliver raised an eyebrow at him, before laughing. "Cat got your tongue, Perce?"

"It's Per- oh, never mind..."

Oliver laughed again. "C'mon then, let's head back," he said, slipping an arm around Percy's shoulder. Percy felt his skin tingling where Oliver was touching him, and let out a slight involuntary gasp. Thankfully, Oliver didn't seem to hear.

As they walked off, Oliver's arm gradually fell away as he began to gesticulate along with his rant - Percy really couldn't bring himself to listen - but it still felt as though it was there.

_What the hell is happening to me?_ Percy asked himself. Just as he did, Oliver (mid-rant) turned and flashed him a smile, and Percy found himself having to look away.

"S'you going to spend the evening with Penelope?"

"What? Oh, um... maybe not tonight. I'd really rather just spend it with you- that is, in our dorm, uh, catching up with you, chatting, and..."

He trailed off, and felt the familiar tinge in his cheeks that indicated blushing.

_Oh Merlin, oh Merlin, oh Merlin... Kathleen was right! Penny was right!_

Stopping suddenly, Percy reached down his robes and sniffed his shirt. It still smelt a little bit like the Amortentia. Like Oliver. He laughed to himself, somewhat maniacally.

"What's up, Perce?"

"Apparently," he said, still giggling a little, "I'm in love!"

* * *

**Author's Ramble**: And that's the end of THAT chapter! Apologies for the slight delay, I got caught up in watching Green Wing and reading Black Books fan fiction. *blushes*  
AAAAANYWAY, what did you think? Leave a review and let me know; every review gets a reply, and in case you haven't noticed, every reviewer gets an acknowledgement at the beginning of the chapter. Some lucky people who review, alert AND fave get mentioned THRICE! Don't_you_want to get mentioned thrice?

When I started this chapter, I had little idea of where it would end up. It only really took form in my mind when Oliver sent the letter, and then the whole confusion thing with Daffyd popped into my head, and, as they say, the rest was history. For all you yaoi-hungry fangirls/boys out there, I finally got some action in here! I was trying to prolong it, but then I thought, "Ah, screw this, I want Percy to love Oliver and I want him to love him NOW!"  
And hence what you (hopefully) just read. I also flitted between Percy's and Oliver's points of view, which made this chapter more interesting for me, I think, and one of my personal favourites so far. It reads a little like a sitcom. Or should that be a wizcom?

NEXT WEEK, ON "RULED BY SECRECY": Percy comes to terms with these strange new feelings he's having...

-_Legs_


	10. Feeling Called Love

HERE IT IS! Jam-packed with goodness! Thanks to **Eshilia**, **Remus-Chocolade**, **Memories Left Abandoned**, **Glass Silhouette**and **cinnamon-shake** for reviewing, to **Eshilia**, **Glass Silhouette**, **1-AiryFairy-9** and **snapefreak** for alerting, and to **Glass Silhouette**for faveing. Also thanks to _Lacrima_ for proof-reading. Hope you all enjoy the amazingness of chapter 10!

**Disclaimer**: 86% of fans agree! Chapter 10 of "Ruled By Secrecy" contains the cutest Harry Potter scene you will EVER read! Unfortunately for these fans, it is neither canon, nor does the author own said pop-culture franchise.  
(Does that count as a disclaimer? I hope so.)

* * *

10. Feeling Called Love

Sometimes, Percy wished he could just disappear.

He also wished that he was a bit more of an optimist. Everyone was so scared now. "I wonder who the heir of Slytherin is" took the place of "I wonder how I did on that essay" as most common phrase heard in the corridors, and Muggle-borns were, to put it rather bluntly, freaking the hell out.

One kid in Hufflepuff had locked himself in the Transfiguration classroom, which was a bit of a bother for Percy's class. They had come to their after-lunch class on Wednesday only to find the door locked tight and wails of terror coming from within.

Penelope, too, was getting caught up in the fear. She was half-blood, but raised by Muggles, and so got the shivers every time the whole thing was mentioned. Sometimes Percy just felt like telling her to shut up and stop worrying; she was a Prefect. Nothing was going to happen to her any time soon.

Oliver, meanwhile, had something entirely less serious on his mind. Well, in Percy's opinion, anyway. The big Quidditch match against Hufflepuff was coming up, and for Oliver, there was nothing more important than training, training, and _more_ training. So he was up at the crack of dawn, and, having put on his robes the night before, dashed out as soon as his silly little Muggle alarm clock went, broom in hand.

This harshness of his training was taking its toll on everyone in the team. Oliver was falling asleep in class, Katie, Angelina and Alicia could regularly be seen lying on the floor of the common room doing stretches and completely ignoring their homework, and you could see the intense hate in Fred and George's eyes every time they saw Oliver. And the deep bags beneath.

The one upside of everyone's preoccupation, however, was that Percy was left with a lot of time to himself to ponder his rather complicated love life.

Yes, he loved Penelope. She was amazing, smart, funny, beautiful, kind... and yes, she had a wonderful figure. But he was finding, more and more, that he was in love with Oliver too. The main difference was that he didn't have any reasons for his affection for Oliver. It was completely unjustified, completely irrational, and completely unrequited.

When he looked at Penelope, he thought of kissing, of touching, of Penelope's beautiful hair, of all her marvellous qualities. When he looked at Oliver, he thought of nothing. Nothing. At. All.

Well, nothing except for just how much he wanted him.

In the weeks following Percy's personal revelation, he found himself gradually more and more attracted to Oliver. He noticed how Oliver laughed at every lame attempt at a joke he made, even if it wasn't particularly funny. He noticed that whenever Oliver got in someone's way, he would step aside and let them pass, regardless of who they were. He noticed that Oliver had very nice handwriting indeed, and that he spaced his lines perfectly evenly, without even trying.

Percy couldn't help but thinking that he and Oliver would make a wonderful couple. They got on well, and though they seemed different on the surface, were most probably very similar people. Then again, he couldn't forget what Oliver had said; he had as good as told Percy that he was in love with someone. Someone who wasn't Angelina, and someone who most probably _wasn't_ Percy.

Oh, and there was the small obstacle that Oliver was quite obviously _entirely_ straight. Not that Percy thought of himself as "batting for the other team", as Kathleen had put it. Maybe, Percy thought, he had mixed allegiances. That could explain why he was able to like Penelope _and_ Oliver.

One Sunday morning, Percy found himself alone at the Gryffindor table. No-one would even approach him if it weren't for Oliver, and Oliver was busy with his Quidditch, as usual. Just as he was pondering his own startling unpopularity, he found that someone had taken a seat next to him.

"What do _you_think about this whole Chamber of Secrets ordeal?" asked a precocious female voice from about a foot below him. Percy looked to his side to see Ron's friend Hermione sitting beside him. She had seemingly materialised out of nowhere.

Momentarily at a loss for words, Percy had to think a little before he replied. "Well, I _personally_ think that it's all being exaggerated a bit. It's probably just some silly kid who knows a few more spells than he ought to."

"What makes you think it's a _he_?"

"Um..."

"Couldn't it just as easily be a _her_?" Hermione asked, her face red with annoyance.

"I suppose it could," Percy admitted. But before he had a chance to add anything, Hermione started talking again.

"Don't you think that there could be a monster responsible for these attacks?"

"Well, of course it's a possibility, but I highly doubt-"

"I don't. I think that there's a monster. And I think that it has a way to get around this castle without being detected. Have you any idea how it could do that?"

Percy realised that her whole conversation had been leading to this, so he thought that he should probably humour the girl. "Perhaps it's invisible?"

"Yes, that was _my_initial thought, but now I'm not so sure. You see, I thought..."

As Hermione droned on, Percy noticed Kathleen getting up from her seat at the Ravenclaw table and walking across to the exit of the hall. He saw an opportunity for escape.

"Excuse me, Hermione, I'm terribly sorry to have to cut you off like this, but I've just noticed a friend of mine, so if you don't mind..."

"Oh, um... yes!"

Percy got up swiftly and walked quickly over to Kathleen.

"Oh, hello Percy! How're you this fine day?" She grinned broadly, almost as if, Percy thought, she knew what was coming.

"I'm so confused!" Percy blurted out, attracting a weird look from some Slytherin who happened to be walking by at that point.

Looking slightly awkward, Kathleen gestured to a nearby empty classroom. "Why don't we talk in here, Percy?"

They walked in, and Kathleen leant against the front desk, locking the door behind her. "So what're you confused about?"

"I love Penny! I honestly do! It's just that... I..." Percy looked at his feet, blushing.

"It's Oliver, isn't it?"

"You were right! You were completely right! I love him _so_ much! And I hate myself for loving him!"

Kathleen walked over to Percy and put a comforting arm around his shoulders. "There, there. I'm not gonna pretend I didn't see this coming."

"But _WHY_?" Percy moaned. "I don't _want_ to love him! And anyway, he likes someone else!"

"Angelina?"

"No, that was just a rumour," Percy snapped back. "Someone unknown. I don't think he wants to tell me, and honestly, I don't blame him."

"You know who _I_ think it is?" Kathleen asked tentatively.

"No, I don't!" Percy said.

"I think it's you."

"Yes, you _had_ mentioned something along those lines. And I still think you're on the wrong track."

"I don't _care_ what you think, Percy," Kathleen said jovially, "because _my_ judgement isn't clouded by what I believe to be unrequited love!"

Percy didn't reply. He just stood there, on the verge of tears, staring at the cold, stone floor. His glasses fogged up, and he reached up and pulled them off his face, angrily jamming them into his robe pocket. As soon as they were off, the tears came.

He stood for an indefinite amount of time crying into Kathleen's arms. Eventually, she spoke to break the silence.

"I got asked out yesterday," she said softly.

Percy looked up, surprised. "By who?"

"Jack."

"Jack?"

"Jack."

"Wow. That's a bit out of left field, isn't it?"

Kathleen shrugged. "Not really. I mean, we've been friends for ages now. And he must really like me, otherwise..."

"So what did you say? Did you say yes?"

"I said that I'd think about it. I mean, I _do_like him, but I've never dated anyone before, and, to tell you the truth, I'm more than a little nervous about the whole concept..."

"Understandably."

Suddenly, Kathleen's face lit up. "I've got an idea! If you tell Oliver how you feel, then I'll say yes to Jack."

"I don't know..."

"Oh, come on! It'll be fun!"

Percy knew better to trust Kathleen's idea of "fun", but he was surprisingly taken with the idea. "When do we have to do it by?"

"Uh... how about we give ourselves a week? You know, to build up courage and all that."

Gulping, Percy nodded. Kathleen extended her hand, and he shook it gingerly, and the deal was sealed.

"Report back to me next Sunday morning, and if you haven't kept your side of the bargain, I'll... I'll... I'll hex you!"

Kathleen laughed, but Percy honestly couldn't see what was so funny about him being hexed.

xxx

Over the next week, Percy tried to work up the courage to tell Oliver how he felt. Needless to say, it wasn't working. The fact that he still spent most of his time with Penelope wasn't exactly helping either.

Percy told himself time and time again that this _was_ what he wanted; that he really _did_ love Oliver, and that he _had_ to tell him. But every time he thought that he might be able to do it, those nagging doubts about Penelope would come into his mind.

On a wet Tuesday afternoon that week, Percy and Penelope were studying together in an empty classroom. Penelope was fiddling with Percy's hair, but Percy didn't seem to be paying attention. Naturally, his mind was elsewhere. That was when he was struck by a thought.

It was a risky idea, but he thought that _maybe_ if he concealed it well enough, he could ask Penelope for help. She was, after all, relatively experienced in affairs of the heart. So Percy decided to try his luck.

"Penny?"

"Mmm?"

"Um... if you were... if you wanted to tell someone that you loved them, but you couldn't find the words, what would you say?"

Penelope giggled. "Oh, Percy! You're so shy!"

"No, seriously. What would you do?"

She laughed again. "Well, I'd tell them _physically_, of course!"

Taking the hint, Percy turned around and kissed her gently. She grinned at him. "You're such a cutie!"

Cringing inwardly, Percy didn't respond and went back to his work. Flipping a page in his textbook, he silently scolded himself for asking her that. He hadn't got _any_ useful advice from that, and had risked making her suspicious. Honestly, "_tell them physically_"? How the hell was Percy supposed to tell Oliver that he loved him _physically_? Run up to him and snog him? Percy scoffed at the idea. Like that would ever happen.

When they had finished studying, and Penelope decided that she wanted to go back to her common room and hang around with her friends, Percy had nothing better to do than go to his common room and sit back on one of the comfortable armchairs in the hope that he would fall asleep from boredom.

Instead, when he arrived, he found Oliver asleep in his preferred armchair, and felt rather cheated, so decided to wake Oliver up and kick him out. However, when he reached the chair he found that Oliver was not sleeping but lying back and staring at the ceiling, his eyes glazed over.

"Um, Oliver?" he said softly, just in case his judgement of sleep was incorrect.

"Evening, Perce."

"Percy."

"Yeah, whatever."

That was the beginning of their conversation, and it went as it usually did. This time, though, Percy decided to steer the conversation in a slightly different direction.

"You told me a while ago that you were head over heels in love with someone. Remember?"

"Yeah, I remember. What about it?"

"Well, I mean... you don't have to tell me who she is if you don't want to. That's up to you. I just... I don't know. We are best friends, right? I thought maybe you could tell me a little bit about this girl."

Oliver sighed loudly. "There's something you should know about me, Percy."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I don't _only_ like girls. I mean, I _do_ like girls, but I also..." Here he trailed off, evidently thinking that this accompanied by a swirly hand gesture would be enough to get his message across.

"Oh." Evidently it was. "So... it's a him?"

"Pretty much."

Percy paused. There was a shred of hope for him! Oliver liked men! But then again, he liked a _particular_ man. That would be a bit of an obstacle.

"Okay then... why don't you tell me a bit about him?"

Oliver sat up straight, his eyes taking on a new shade that Percy hadn't seen before in any context other than Quidditch. _Well, that's me done for. I might as well forfeit that bet now_.

"He's just... he's just awesome. And I think about him all the time! More than Quidditch! He's handsome, and funny, and kind, and smart, and..."

Oliver stopped, looking a little embarrassed by that outpouring. "Well, he's alright, I guess."

Percy smiled, despite himself. He was happy that Oliver was happy. But there was still that perverse thought in the back of his mind, _I wish he was talking about me_.

"So are you going to ask him out?"

Oliver blushed a red so red that he could've been a Weasley, but for his non-ginger-ness. "I don't think so. He's got a girlfriend."

Percy took a deep breath. He wanted to say "I know _exactly_ how you feel", but couldn't quite bring himself. "That's a pity," he settled on. "But you never know! He could be secretly in love with you, and only going out with his girlfriend because he doesn't know what to do with himself; he's so overwhelmed by his feelings for you!"

Oliver started, and looked at Percy, confused. "Don't you reckon that's a bit of a long shot?"

Percy shrugged, blushing. "It _could_ happen..."

"I doubt it," Oliver said, sounding resigned, "he's very much in love with her, as far as I can tell."

Percy could do nothing but smile. He wanted so badly to tell Oliver that "he's not! He loves her, but he's not _in_ love with her like he's in love with you!", but that wouldn't make any sense, would it? After all, the object of Oliver's affections probably _was_ in love with his girlfriend.

"I'm getting tired," Oliver said after a few moments of silence, "I think I'm gonna pack it in for tonight."

"I've got an essay to do..." Percy mused to himself. "Maybe I'll see you up there later."

"Maybe," Oliver echoed, and with that turned and headed up the stairs to their dorm.

xxx

On Friday that week, the day before the big Quidditch match, Oliver told an affronted Percy that he was considering skipping all his classes in order to practise.

"I'm telling you, Perce, this is gonna be _our_ year! It's just one day of missing class in exchange for a _lifetime_ of glory!"

Percy snorted. "A _lifetime_? Not likely, Oliver! It's just a school match!"

"A _pivotal_ school match! Next year, I'm gonna have to start trying out for major teams, and a couple of wins would look good on my record!"

"Oliver, I don't care _how_ much this match means to you, as a Prefect I feel that it's my _duty_ to make sure you come to all your classes!"

Oliver rolled his eyes. "I'm not in your class every period. I can just skip the ones where you won't be there to scowl at my absence!"

"Why did you even tell me that you were planning on skipping? You should've known that this would be my reaction!"

"Why did I tell you?" Oliver repeated hysterically. "I _told_ you, Percy, because I _always_ tell you things!"

Percy nodded. "Well, if I catch you out of class today, I'll report you."

Oliver nodded back equally as solemnly. As it turned out, he _did_ go to all his classes that day. In their last period of the day, Potions, Percy expressed his pleasure in Oliver's law-abiding behaviour. The class had ended, and they were the only two left in the potions room.

"I'm glad you decided not to skip classes today. You know, if you'd skipped you could have been given a detention, and then you might have missed the match tomorrow!"

"Oh, Percy," Oliver said grinning broadly, "I wasn't _seriously_ going to skip. You could tell me to give a mandrake a blow job and I'd do it for you!"

Percy wasn't sure whether to take that as a compliment or as one of Oliver's arsenal of lewd comments. Whatever it was intended as, he couldn't resist the opportunity for a good comeback.

"I'm sure that you would make it scream even louder."

With that, Oliver burst into a fit of laughter. "Sometimes, Perce, I think I know you. And then you come out with something like that, and, well... you're a mystery, honestly!"

"I doubt I'm as mysterious as the genital regions of mandrakes, though."

Oliver laughed again, before straightening himself out and poking a finger into Percy's chest. "YOU, my friend, are _brilliant_. Did you know that? _Absolutely brilliant_."

Percy resisted the compulsion to make a jibe about how _brilliant_ Oliver's mandrake encounter would be, and instead stood there grinning as though he had just received a perfect score on an Arithmancy essay, something that didn't happen very often.

When nothing happened, Oliver continued his amusement-induced rant. "No, _honestly_, Perce! Sometimes you'll say something amazing and I could just _kiss_ you!"

Again, Percy didn't reply for a few moments. He felt his face burning up, and he bit his bottom lip in embarrassment. "The feeling is mutual," he said softly.

And just like that, everything happened at once. Percy thought back to what Penelope had said about saying it "physically", and how he had thought that he would never, _ever_, do _anything_ like that, and how wrong that thought had been.

Before he had even registered what he was doing, Percy had grabbed Oliver's face and pushed his lips into his. Oliver reacted instinctively and wrapped his arms around Percy's waist, pulling him close so that their chests were pressed tightly together. Gradually, one of his hands found its way up to Percy's neck, and found a nice place to rest that gave him more control over what was happening.

After what seemed much longer than it actually was, they broke apart for breath, still holding onto each other tightly.

"Before you say anything, or pull that adorable confused face of yours," Oliver said between breaths, "it was you. Always you."

He didn't need to say any more, Percy understood exactly what he was saying, and his eyes widened in surprise. "Well, _that_ was unexpected!"

"No, what was unexpected was _you_ launching yourself on me like that with very little warning!"

Percy grinned, euphoria filling his whole body. "Oh, come on. You loved it."

"You're damn right I did."

This time, Oliver initiated this kiss, and did so with such force that Percy buckled at the knees and leant backwards onto a desk. As Oliver opened his mouth, Percy reached up and pulled his glasses off, placing them neatly on the desk beside him.

The next time they pulled apart, it was Percy doing the talking.

"On Tuesday, when I asked you about your love..."

"You said that he was still with his girlfriend because he didn't know what else to do."

"Yeah. I was talking about myself."

Oliver rolled his eyes. "I figured."

Suddenly, Percy caught sight of his watch. "Oh Merlin, you have to get to your Quidditch practice, don't you?"

Oliver shrugged. "It can wait. There are some things in life that are more important than others."

* * *

LEAVE A REVIEW and I will love you forever! FAVE/ALERT and I will love you even more! And you know what everyone craves in their life? LOVE! Love is all you need~~~

**Author's Addendum**: Keepin' it nice and short this time, seeing as that was rather a long chapter (for me). So - in lieu of detailed notes on how the chapter came together in my mind or how the title of the chapter is a Pulp song that I L.O.V.E. so much but couldn't use in this chapter because it was released in '95 and this is set in '92 - I've just got _one_ word for you:

_**FINALLY!**_

- _Legs_


	11. Weasley Worries Weekly

Okayyy, first up, apologies for the long-ish wait. What can I say? I had the School Certificate. For those of you not in Australia, it's a stupidly convoluted set of exams they make you take at the end of year 10.

ON WITH THE THANKS! Thanks to **Memories Left Abandoned**, **dearmanica**, **Eshilia**, **Dr. Paranoia** and **Silver-Afrit** for reviewing and to **Silver-Afrit** for faving. I suppose I'm used to having longer lists at the beginning... but oh well. I'm sure some of my watchers will come out of their closets with this chapter and drop a line! ;D

**Disclaimer**: This is _fan_fiction. Not mine in the least. As much as I would like it to be otherwise, it isn't. So there. Deal with it. I have to every day. *Sobs into sleeve*

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11. Weasley Worries Weekly

It was Saturday, the day of the big Quidditch match against Hufflepuff, and Oliver was nowhere to be seen when Percy woke up at seven. There was, however, a small piece of parchment on Percy's bedside table, which he presumed was the customary note from Oliver.

_Gone to get ready for match, good weather outside, we're gonna win this one for sure! See you after, most probably. I'll be expecting the spoils of victory, so you might want to come down to the changing rooms after everyone's left... ?_

_Love, your Oliver_

Percy grinned to himself at the fact that Oliver's name had managed to stay legible at the end of the letter, and tucked it into his trouser pocket as he made his way down to the great hall for breakfast.

Of course, Oliver was nowhere to be seen, and so Percy ate alone, rather more quickly than he usually would, eager in equal measures to get down to the Quidditch pitch and to avoid Penelope.

However, he had no such luck. Just as he was about to finish up, Penelope walked up and parked herself behind him.

"Morning, Percy!" she said gleefully.

"Morning," he replied, not looking up from his toast.

"Little tired, are you? I bet you were up all of last night working, weren't you?"

Percy nodded feebly, not exactly wanting to say "No, I'm not actually tired, I'm just kinda avoiding you because I snogged my best friend last night and, Merlin, it was better than anything I've ever done with you."

"Right, well I'm off to the little girl's room, and I'll meet you down at the pitch, okay?"

"Yeah, okay..."

Penelope forcibly turned Percy's head around and planted a kiss upon his lips, before turning around and skipping off in the other direction. As she did, Percy was overcome by an amazing guilt, and sprang up to catch up with her.

"Penny, wait!"

"What is it, Percy?"

Percy blushed immensely, searching himself for the courage to tell her what he so badly needed to get off his chest,

"Um... what would you say if I told you that I think I've fallen in love with somebody else?"

Penelope paled, and took Percy's hands in hers. "I'd say that Oliver's a very lucky man, Percy."

Percy reddened even more so. "Hold on, I never said anything about-"

Penelope's visage brightened a little _too_ quickly, and she giggled falsely. "Yes, but I can read you like a _book_, Percy!"

"Penny, I'm so sorry-"

"I broke up with Peter last night."

Percy was shocked. "You- you- what? Why?"

"Because of _you_."

She was all smiles, but there were tears forming in her eyes, and she quickly excused herself and ran off in the other direction, wiping her sleeve across her face as she left Percy standing as still as a statue, shell-shocked.

He hated the thought of hurting Penelope so much, but he just didn't think that they could be together anymore. Not now that he had Oliver...

Speaking of Oliver, the match would be starting soon. Percy hastily composed himself and strode off in the direction of the Quidditch pitch. He got there just as the match was about to start, and sat in the stands keeping an eye out for Oliver.

Lee Jordan's running commentary opened the game, and soon the teams were walking on to the pitch. Well, all except for Oliver. He had mounted his broom already, and no sooner was he on the pitch than he was off it again, going for a flight around the goalposts.

As Oliver flew around in circles, Percy's attention was drawn away from his flight path by the unmistakable figure of Professor McGonnagal making her way on to the pitch, hands raised and gesticulating for everyone to leave the pitch.

She seemed to have attracted the attention of Oliver too, as he made a beeline for her, and was soon doing some wild gesticulating of his own. From his reaction to whatever McGonnagal was saying, Percy gathered that the match was not to go ahead. The players were all making their way off the pitch, and McGonnagal was leading Harry and Ron, who had somehow made his way down from the stands, off past everyone else. They all looked very harried.

"What's going on?" people were yelling. "What's happened? What about the match?"

Soon their questions were answered by the sound of Professor Flitwick taking Lee's place in the commentator's box. "Students, today's match has been cancelled due to two more attacks having taken place."

There were gasps from all around. _Two_attacks? How could that be?

"Could all the Prefects please report to the infirmary as soon as possible. Thank you."

Percy stood up with a start and began to head in the direction of the infirmary. After all, it wouldn't do for a Prefect to be late for what was clearly shaping up to be an important meeting. As he walked, he remembered suddenly that _Penelope_, the _last_ person he wanted to have to confront, would be there. He would just have to avoid her.

As he made his way, he was joined by a very harried-looking Isolde Bowman, the other Gryffindor Prefect in his grade.

"Oh, Percy, isn't this shocking?" she asked. _Of course_, Percy thought, _she's Muggle-born, isn't she?_

He nodded. "Absolutely."

"I wonder who's been attacked..."

"Best not to speculate," Percy said in the most comforting tone he could manage, short of actually putting an arm around Isolde's shoulder or patting her on the back.

At last they reached the infirmary, where Madame Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore were standing with a growing crowd of Prefects around them. As Percy took his place in the crowd, he caught the eye of Peter, who gave him a deathly stare.

_Imagine that_, he thought to himself, _only months ago I was wishing that he would be the one staring jealously at me. Now that he is, I wish he wasn't..._

Dumbledore addressed the crowd. "As you may already be aware, two attacks have been carried out very recently on two of our students. As the Prefect body, it is your duty to spread the word about this to your houses, and to comfort any who may be distressed by this, and," - he looked around pointedly, - "perhaps some of your own number. The students who are currently in states of petrification are Miss Hermione Granger and Miss Penelope Clearwater, the latter of whom is a Prefect, as you may know."

At this, Percy gasped. He saw that he wasn't the only one. Peter had paled, and Kathleen and the other Ravenclaw Prefects were looking very worried indeed. Isolde let out a sob, and buried her face in her hands.

"My warning to you now is not to become complacent," Dumbledore continued. "I have sensed an attitude of late that a significant few of you feel that solely because you are Prefects, you have some sort of manifest defence against whomever or whatever it is doing this. I am telling you now that you do not. Prefects, Muggle-born or otherwise, are equally as vulnerable as any other student."

Percy shuddered. He was _certain_ that that last part had been directed at him. Shaken, he turned and walked in the other direction, ignoring the confusion of the rest of the Prefect body. He could feel the tears coming, and he wanted to get somewhere private before he embarrassed himself before all recognition.

And so he made his way to the Prefects' bathroom. However, before he could reach it, he was accosted by Oliver.

"CANCELLED! Can you believe it, Perce, cancelled! So two less students wouldn't've been able to watch - so what? That's no reason for them to stop the game! They could've kept on, for sure-"

"Oliver."

"Perce?"

"It was Penelope. Penelope whom I told this morning that I was in love with somebody else. Penelope who broke up with her boyfriend last night to be with me."

Oliver was stunned into silence. After a few seconds, he muttered, "Shit. Who was the other one?"

"Hermione Granger, a Gryffindor."

"Second year, always hanging around with Harry and your little brother?"

"That's her."

"Shit," Oliver repeated. "Perce, I'm so sorry..."

At last, Percy's tears found their way out. He burst into a fit of sobs, choking out the words "This is all my fault!"

As Oliver wrapped his arms around Percy and pulled him close to his chest, he asked "How is it your fault?"

"Because! I told her that I loved you! And she must've been so upset... she _broke up with Peter_, Oliver!"

Again, Oliver could find no words to respond to this. So instead, he just held Percy tighter. But every inch closer that Oliver came, Percy felt a self-loathing like nothing he had ever felt before welling up inside him.

_How could I?_ he thought to himself. _I put all my heart into being with Penelope, only to abandon her for Oliver... I'm a complete disgrace to mankind!_

With that thought, Percy wondered how, at a time like this, he could be so complacently standing there, letting Oliver hold him like that. Disgusted, he pushed away from Oliver's embrace and ran in the direction of the Prefects' bathroom. It wasn't far from where he had been standing, but by the time he reached it, locking the door behind him, he was completely out of breath.

Hastily, Percy ran himself a hot bath, complete with a couple of perfuming spells, and proceeded to submerge himself in the water, in the faint hope that it would wash away all his problems.

And, Merlin, he had _problems_.

xxx

Sunday morning came, and Percy remembered that he had to rendezvous with Kathleen to let her know how his side of their bargain had gone. In a word, he was _dreading_ it.

He met her out by the lake. Kathleen seemed to have been sitting there for a while, and was playing with the grass, pulling it out and twirling it in her fingers. When she noticed Percy alive, she looked up at him smiling contentedly. Percy recognised that look straight away - it was almost as though he didn't even have to ask how her relationship with Jack had turned out.

"Let me guess," Percy started. "You said yes to him?"

Kathleen broke into a large grin. "Is it that obvious?"

"It most certainly is."

"I don't think I've ever been this happy!" she enthused. "It's like someone's replaced my eyes with galleons, and my feet with springs!"

"I know the feeling," Percy replied. "Or, I _knew_ the feeling..."

Immediately, Kathleen changed from happy-clappy mode to comforting best friend mode. "Oh, Percy, what happened?"

"Well, I, uh... I told him, and-"

"What did you tell him, exactly?"

"I sort of... well, I did... I kissed him..."

"And?" Kathleen responded, excited to hear more.

"And, you know, we talked for a bit... and I don't _think_ that he's my boyfriend... I mean, we haven't spoken since yesterday afternoon! But that isn't to say that he doesn't exactly somehow have, uh... _feelings_ for me..." Percy muttered this last part, delicately side-stepping an outburst of "OHMERLINITHINKHELIKESMEBACK!"

Kathleen did a quick appraisal of everything Percy had told her so far, and came to a conclusion, aided by her quick Ravenclaw wits. "It's Penelope, isn't it?"

Percy nodded. "She broke up with Peter so we could be together... properly. But I... I told her about Oliver. How could I not have? I felt so _guilty_!"

Kathleen took Percy's hands; they were shaking. He was about to say something, but Kathleen second-guessed him, and jumped in before he could start.

"Before you say _anything_, Percy," she started, "you have to realise that what happened to Penelope yesterday _isn't_ your fault."

"But she was so upset, Kathleen!"

"She can be crying blood from her wrists, for all I care, Percy, but it was _not_ your fault! What happened to Penelope was the fault of the Heir of Slytherin, or whatever it is attacking all these students, not _you_."

Here, Kathleen changed her tack a bit. "Anyway, do you _really_ think that _you_, a silly little dork with nothing but love in his heart, could've caused that much harm?"

Percy looked at Kathleen in confusion, blushing. "What does 'dork' mean?"

She laughed loudly, causing him to blush further. "It means _you_."

Percy, not one to argue with a loud Irishman - or woman, in this case - simply nodded and kept any further questions to himself.

"Anyway, you know what to do now, don't you, Percy?"

"Throw myself into the bowels of the Whomping Willow?"

At this, Kathleen slapped him on the shoulder. Hard. "No, you idiot! Now is no time to be contemplating death! Now is time to go and find Oliver and set things straight. By this evening, I want _neither_ of us to be single. Is that understood?"

Percy nodded feebly.

xxx

"I HATE THEM!" Angelina yelled as soon as Oliver stepped into the common room. He hadn't been prepared for one of Angelina's rants this early in the morning (Oliver only felt the earliness of eleven in the morning due to a lack of any Quidditch matches to convince his team to practice at the crack of dawn for), so he steadied himself before responding.

"Weasley Worries Weekly time?"

Angelina nodded furiously, dragging Oliver off to a corner. "One minute I think I've got them _all_ worked out, and then they go and do something stupid, and I don't even know whether I like _either_ of them, let alone _both_!"

"They tend to be like that, yeah..." he muttered to himself, pondering just how well he knew the changeable nature of the Weasley. "What've they done this time?"

"Hogsmeade this weekend, right? So I heard that George had asked Louisa out - you know Louisa, don't you?"

Oliver didn't, but he agreed politely anyway.

"Well, George asked her out to - get this! - Madame Puddifoot's, of all places! Seemed a bit out of character to me, but you know, I reckoned that seeing as they're twins and all, Fred would be looking for a date to take there. So, _silly Angelina_, I go and ask him if he's doing what George is. And you know what he says?"

Before Oliver could even shake his head, the answer was being brandished in his face.

"He says, 'oh, it was a _dare_'. So I'm thinking, what kind of dare is this? And Fred says that _he_ dared George to ask out the manliest-looking girl he could find, and George dared _him_ to ask out the girliest-looking guy!"

"I suppose Fred went straight to Snape, then?" Oliver said cheekily. He really couldn't resist.

Angelina scowled at him. "Very funny, Ol'. No, he asked out Peter, that Ravenclaw Prefect in the grade above us."

Oliver gulped. "Peter as in... Peter as in Penelope Clearwater's boyfriend?"

"Yeah, well. Penelope Clearwater's _ex_. Turns out they just broke up a couple of nights ago. So _Peter_ - more fool him! - says _yes_!"

"He does look a bit like a girl, doesn't he?" Oliver pondered aloud.

"That's beside the point!" Angelina snapped. "What the point _is_, is that they can't see the _significance_ of relationships! They think it's all such a joke! Maybe if they just tried looking a little closer, they'd see someone who would genuinely consider getting involved with such _complete bastards_!"

Oliver tried to force himself to sympathise, but all he could think about was the contradictory nature of Angelina's tirade, and _Merlin, this is crying out for a threesome_.

Thankfully, Oliver was saved from having to say anything cheesy and comforting by the entrance of a bedraggled-looking Percy into the common room. Their eyes met instantly, and Oliver, without turning away, said to Angelina, "Sorry, I've gotta run. My Weasley Worry's coming up at twelve o'clock."

Angelina had no time to ask what the hell that was supposed to mean - it was only eleven-ish, after all, - but Oliver was already on his feet, grabbing Percy and pulling him towards their dorm.

As soon as they were inside, Oliver shut the door with a slam and a locking charm before pulling Percy into the kiss of someone who is madly in love and hasn't been kissed for over a day.

When they broke apart, Percy found the courage to ask what Kathleen had so wanted him to.

"Oliver?"

"Mmm?" Oliver replied, his mouth too busy with a rather uncomfortable Percy's neck to string together a word that required him to move his lips.

"I, uh... _OW_, Merlin... don't _do_ that! ... I wanted to ask you if you'd maybe... _Oliver_! Stop it! ... if you'd maybe like to go out with me?"

Oliver finally did as he was told, shocked into silence.

"You know, like, um... being _boyfriends_ and all that... I mean... I like you... you like me, and, uh... can't seem to keep your hands to yourself, quite frankly... so maybe you'd like to, uh... make it official?"

Oliver lifted his head up so he was eye-to-eye with Percy. "I was hoping you'd ask."

"So why didn't _you_ ask?" Percy replied, rather affronted.

"Well, I wanted to keep my mouth where it was, thank you very much."

There was a brief silence. "So is that a yes?" Percy finally said.

"That's _more_ than just a yes," Oliver said brightly, "that's a..."

In some situations, actions speak louder than words. In this situation, they most certainly did, as Oliver completed his sentence by flinging Percy onto one of their beds - he honestly couldn't tell which - and resuming his previous activities on Percy's neck.

Percy lay there limply, a grin firmly planted on his face. "Brilliant," he muttered, "that's the best kind of 'yes' there is."

Oliver pulled away, and pushed himself up so he was straddling Percy. Percy laughed to himself at how closely this resembled an incident at the beginning of the school year, yet how much better the circumstances were this time around.

Slipping an arm down the back of Percy's robes, Oliver leant close and whispered in Percy's ear, "Oh, you shouldn't speak too soon. It gets better."

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LEAVE A REVIEW! You know you want to tell me how it made you feel... happy? sad? angry? horny? Let me know!

**Author's Ramble**: There we are! Chapter 11! I'm actually considering maturing this... I mean, I'll never write an actual sex scene; I'm too inexperienced. But I'm implying stuff... and the stuff implied is gonna get a lot more implicatory... what are your thoughts, my loyal minions?  
... have I mentioned how much I love writing about Percy? He's too much fun. And if you're wondering who the hell Isolde is, and why the hell I invented her if she only has a couple of lines, it's because I _may_ use her in the planned sequel to RBS. But she won't have much of a role in this story. And there was some Angelina-y goodness! I almost think I was a bit to hard on her... but this _is_ marked as "Humour", so I don't see why I can't make her into a wee bit of comic relief...

NEXT TIME: Oliver and Percy engage in the ancient art of fanservice and have hot yaoi smex in their dorm while everyone's backs are turned, which is followed by knowing winks from Dumbledore in the corridors and hell of a lot of awkward blushing.

Or, you know, maybe not. =D

- _Legs_


	12. Girlfriend In A Coma

Welcome to the wonderful world that is Chapter 12 of Ruled By Secrecy! And it's going to be AWESOME.

First up, thanks to **ZombieMops**, **Rome J Wolf**, **Remus-Chocolade**, **dearmanica**, **Memories Left Abandoned**, **Gabriel Tunichtgut**and **passionate4pens94** for reviewing, **PandaFusion** and **Gabriel Tunichtgut** for alerting, and **Swendaii** and **Gabriel Tunichtgut**for faving. This one's for you guys! Enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. Not some pathetic, spotty, teenage fangit. So don't sue. ~3

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12. Girlfriend In A Coma

Percy woke up. Which was not unusual, in itself. What was unusual, however, was the where, when and how of his awakening. He was lying on what felt like the floor of his dorm, just next to his bed. The sun was streaming in from above him, and according to his watch, which lay rather pathetically discarded beside him, it was fast approaching midday. Not that he could exactly tell; it appeared that he wasn't wearing his glasses. Actually, it appeared as though he wasn't wearing much at all.

_Oh dear_, Percy thought. He scratched the back of his head and hoisted himself up, feeling blindly for his glasses on his bedside table. Instead, what he grabbed hold of was a rather clammy hand.

Standing up and rubbing his eyes, Percy noticed with some amusement that Oliver was lying in his bed, in only his pants, face down. With no Quidditch to train for, it seemed as though Oliver was going to be catching up on all that sleep that he obviously needed quite desperately.

Percy pulled on his robe - which had been lying at the foot of his bed - and took a quick inventory of his dorm. Of course, Jack, Thom and Daffyd weren't there, and Percy only hoped that they hadn't noticed his unusual, and rather uncomfortable, sleeping arrangements.

Now that he was standing, Percy found locating his glasses rather a lot easier, and, putting them on, headed down to the Great Hall for a late breakfast. Or maybe he would just wait until lunch.

It was such a nice day outside. Summer was clearly on its way, yet something was wrong. The atmosphere in the castle was somewhat stifled. No-one was talking animatedly as they usually did, and it seemed only Percy was striding purposefully down the corridors with a cheerful smile on his face.

When he approached the Great Hall, there were already some groups of students sitting around the tables, chatting amongst each other as they waited for lunch to be served. He noticed that Kathleen was sitting with Jack at the Gryffindor table, so he decided to walk over and join them.

"Morning, Kathleen! Morning, Jack! How're you two this fine day?"

Kathleen looked up at Percy and scowled. "Fine for _who_?" she snapped uncharacteristically.

Percy was confused, and a little bit hurt. "We-ell, I mean, it's nice and sunny outside, and it's a Saturday! So..."

The grimaces on Kathleen and Jack's faces told Percy "Whoops, slow down there! Looks like you've forgotten something important!"

With a grim wave of reality breaking over him, Percy remembered what he had forgotten. Penelope.

"Oh, Merlin..." he muttered, blushing with embarrassment. "I, uh... wow. Um, sorry..."

"S'okay, Percy," Jack said reassuringly, "it was just a _teensy_ bit obvious that you fancied Penelope. So it's understandable that you want to forget her... misfortune..."

Percy was shocked. Not only was Jack, a Daffyd Disciple, being amazingly kind to him, he had actually picked up on the fact that Percy fancied Penelope. And he even used the past tense. It was, Percy reassured himself, probably just a turn of phrase. As far as Jack knew, he _still_ fancied her.

He frowned. Sensing his discomfort, Kathleen patted him on the back. "Don't worry, Percy. I'm sure she'll be fine."

Percy gulped, and nodded. He sat down next to Kathleen, and only half-listened as Jack went on for a bit about what a nice girl Penelope was, and what a great match she'd be for Percy. He noticed that Kathleen was looking awkward throughout this; she probably thought that Percy couldn't care less about Penelope. Not in _that_ way, anyway.

"... anyway, I've got to head off," Jack concluded. "I'm tutoring some first years in the library."

"Tutoring?" Percy asked, confused and startled in equal measures. "What do you tutor?"

"Astronomy!" Jack said proudly. "It's my best subject."

"He's top of the grade!" Kathleen added, unable to keep the boasting edge out of her voice.

"Wow..." Percy muttered. "Well, don't let me keep you!"

Jack grinned and turned to head towards the library. As he walked off, Percy thought with a bit of a pang that he could see why Kathleen was attracted to him. There was clearly a lot to him that Percy didn't know. He also mentally chided himself for picking Arithmancy over Astronomy back in his third year. He was, of course, equally naturally-gifted at both subjects.

And then he ground his wand into his palm in frustration and silently cursed himself solitude for eternity. For Percy had just done something that he was sure wasn't right: the thought had crossed his mind that Jack was attractive. _Attractive_! Honestly! They were both in relationships, and Percy was _quite_ sure that he would _never_ be interested in any form of relationship with Jack, thank you very much. Jack was no Oliver. But he was definitely good looking...

As though fate was punishing for thinking such unfaithful thoughts, at that very moment - which must have seemed like an awkward silence to Kathleen, but was the equivalent of a Howler for Percy - Oliver chose to join them, and parked himself next to Percy, slipping an arm down his thigh.

Percy squirmed and gave Oliver a pained look. "Really, Oliver? Here? Now?"

Kathleen looked at them with amusement, before excusing herself - she had just seen someone who she had meant to talk to earlier. That's code for "You two are so sweet together, so I'm just going to leave you to it. Whatever 'it' is..."

As she took her leave, Oliver replied with "well, why ever not?"

Percy blushed. "I'm a _Prefect_, Oliver! And you... well, you also hold a position of responsibility! It would be _wholly unprofessional_ for us to be seen engaging in intimacies in public, a point on which I'm sure you'll agree."

To illustrate just how much he agreed, Oliver slid even closer to Percy and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. Percy sat bolt upright, looking firmly ahead of him.

"_Oliver_..."

"Percy, I couldn't agree less with you. I just want to snog you, right here, right now. Really. And I want the _whole_ of Hogwarts to know just how madly in love with you I am."

Whilst his resolve was holding firm, Percy couldn't help but soften up a bit at that. But then, he heard Oliver's voice in his head: _"Grow some balls, Percy!"_

So Percy grew some balls. "Oliver, I don't think you can trust me with a public relationship."

Oliver laughed loudly, while Percy only grew more serious. "_Trust_ you? Why the hell not?"

"Because... because I... because I thought that another man was attractive!"

This only made Oliver laugh even more. "Is that all? Come on, you can do better than that!"

Percy raised an eyebrow. "So you don't care if I'm attracted to other people?"

"So long as I'm always top of the list!" Oliver replied with a wink, adding, "By a long shot," just in case it wasn't clear _how_ high up he wanted to be on said list. "So now you need to give me another reason."

"Well, when I was with Penny, I wanted a public relationship. I wanted that more than anything. But she wasn't ready for it... well, I think she was still a little bit in love with Peter. She wanted to hold on to him. Now, I don't exactly want to 'hold on' to Penny. I mean, I've already broken up with her! But I want to keep what shred of popularity I have. And I want _you_ to keep _your_ popularity. I don't want people to start treating you like they treat me."

"How _do_ people treat you?" Oliver asked tenderly.

"They treat me like I don't exist," Percy admitted. "I mean, I'm a bloody _Prefect_, and nobody pays any attention to what I say! I'm smart and I've got authority! I should be respected and admired! Not ignored and laughed at!"

Here, Oliver opened his mouth to say something, but Percy was on a roll now, and he kept going. "No - don't tell me that I'm exaggerating. I know I'm not. I know what people call me. I know what they say. I have eyes and ears. I'm not an idiot... well, I'm far from it! I know that people don't like me! And I know how people work... if people don't like me, and you like me, then they won't like you! You're popular, athletic, friendly, and you're downright handsome, but if you're snogging a loser, you're done for!"

There were so many things that Oliver wanted to say. He wanted to tell Percy that he didn't care if he wasn't popular; he didn't care about_any_ of that. But he saw how strongly Percy felt about this, and he couldn't, frankly, blame him. So Oliver restrained his tirades of unsurmountable passion, and instead just nodded. "If that's what you want, then that's what I want."

Percy smiled. "Thank you."

The Hall began to fill up with students, and so Oliver took his arm off Percy's shoulder, and instead they just sat together normally, talking as though they were just friends, nothing more.

xxx

After lunch, Percy made an executive decision and chose visiting Penelope in the hospital wing over doing his Ancient Runes homework. After all, he could get that done in ten minutes. Emotional bedside encounters with ex-girlfriends in petrification-induced comas take considerably longer.

When he got there, Percy was so overwhelmed by the sight of her that he felt like turning away there and then, and going back to the warmth and security of his Runes. It wasn't too late for him to run. But, Percy reminded himself, he needed to grow some balls.

He took a seat by Penelope's bed, and took her hand in his. "Penny... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry we had to end like that. I'm so sorry I didn't come to see you sooner. I know, it's been a week, and you must think I'm a terrible friend for leaving you like this. That is, if you even still consider me a friend anymore... well, that's beside the point. I need someone to talk to, now that Kathleen spends every waking moment with Jack. So can I talk to you?"

As he expected, Penelope didn't reply, so Percy continued.

"Well, all seems well with Oliver. But he's like me, more than he knows. He wants us to be public. I mean, I told him no, and he seems fine with it for now... but in a couple of months time? Who knows! He might get bored of keeping us to ourselves. What if he doesn't want to be with me? What if I'm not what he expected? It's all so confusing."

Percy waited for Penelope to reassure him, squeeze his hands like he was squeezing hers, tell him not to worry, and that everything would be alright with Oliver. But she just lay there, still as stone. Percy dissolved into tears, and bowed his head. He was slightly aware of his tears wetting Penelope's sleeve, but he couldn't bring himself to stop.

"OY, WEASLEY!"

Percy snapped his head up, wiped his eyes on his sleeve hastily, and turned around to face the person who had called him. It was Peter.

"Yes, Peter?" he asked.

Peter strode up to Percy and grabbed him by the collar of his robes, yanking him up to his feet. "Listen here, Weasley, she's _my_ girlfriend. Got that? Fortunately she was petrified before she and you could go ahead with this silly relationship of yours. So when she wakes up, we're gonna forget that this ever happened, got that? It'll be just like normal. I'll put a memory charm on her, and she'll forget that she was ever 'in love with you', as she put it. She doesn't know what love is!"

"_You_ don't know what love is!" Percy spat back. "If your idea of love is a memory charm, then you can forget happiness! Oh yes! And you can forget _ever_ finding _anyone_ who loves you! Although, I suppose if they don't, you'll just put a _charm_ on them, won't you? Do you honestly think that you can make up for lack of personality with _magic_? If you were a Muggle, you'd be cold and lonely, and girls like Penelope wouldn't look _twice_ at you!"

Peter's cheeks were red with rage, and angrily, he stuck his arm out and slapped Percy across the face.

Now, you can imagine that any normal person, when slapped across the face, would slap back. Maybe even get out the fists or the feet. But keep in mind that Percy is not any normal person. He is a Prefect.

"You'll want to show a bit more respect there!" Percy screeched hysterically. "I'M a Prefect!"

"SO AM I!" Peter yelled.

"YES, BUT I AM _OLDER_ AND _MORE SENIOR_ THAN YOU! Show me respect, or I'll be forced to report you to Flitwick! And we'll see what he has to say about violence in his house!"

By this point, Peter was primed for a fight. Almost taller than Percy, he was all brawn - although one must presume _some_ brain; he _was_ in Ravenclaw, after all. Percy was not giving in to his urge to kick Peter square in the crotch area, however, and before Peter could lash out at him, turned and walked out of the hospital wing, leaving Peter standing there in something of a daze, and unsure as to who had walked away victorious from that.

xxx

When Percy arrived back at the Gryffindor Common Room, it seemed as though the twins were pestering Ron - who was, for a change, not with Harry - about something or other.

"Stop it!" he cried in protest. "Stop playing it!"

Being the older-brother-figure in this situation, Percy strode up to them to see what all the fuss was about. "Fred! George! What's going on here?"

They grinned simultaneously. "It's Oliver's Muggle music doohickey," Fred explained.

"We've - quite cleverly - charmed it to play the one song over and over again," George added.

Percy rolled his eyes. "Very clever. Now give that here."

He reached out and took the Walkman from the twins, mercifully removing the headphones from Ron's head, despite the fact that they had been affixed there with quite a powerful sticking jinx.

Despite his better judgement, Percy put the headphones on himself, and listened to what was playing. Instantly, he recognised the distinctive voice of the singer in that band that Oliver liked, The Smiths.

And, of _all_the things he could be singing about, he just _had_to be singing about a "girlfriend in a coma", didn't he? Percy tried to keep himself from reddening.

Taking the earphones off, he put them down, and summoned the Walkman away from Fred's hands. "Where did you two get this?" he asked forcefully.

"Oliver's bedside table," Fred boasted. "He's off for a flight, so we thought we'd have a snoop around for that Muggle thingy of his."

"And any reason for this song?" Percy asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

"Yeah, 'cause Ronniekins's girlfriend is in a coma!" George said with a laugh.

"Don't call me that!" Ron snapped. "And she's not my girlfriend!"

"Yeah, right," Fred said, laughing, and high-fived George, who was laughing almost as loud.

"You shouldn't have taken this from Oliver," Percy scolded defensively. "And you _most definitely_ shouldn't have been in our dorm..."

But it was as good as talking to a brick wall. The twins were off in their own world, joking with Ron about his girlfriend in a coma and several other things that Percy was pretty sure were in-jokes that he would never have any hope of understanding.

And so he turned and headed up the steps to his dorm in resignation. Finding Oliver alone, he walked over to his bed and sat down beside him. Oliver was poring over a book, which he hastily shut and shoved under his pillow as Percy approached.

"Fred and George were playing with your Walkman," Percy said apologetically, handing the silver disc over to Oliver. "Trying to be funny with the Smiths."

Oliver put the headphones on and pressed play, his face souring as he did so. "Dickheads..." he muttered. "Were they playing this to you because of Penelope?"

Percy raised an eyebrow. "To _me_? Oh, oh no! They were playing it to _Ron_!"

Oliver blushed slightly. "Oh."

"Yeah, he was rather upset by Hermione's petrification, I must say. And the twins seem to have gotten it into their heads that he was going out with her."

Oliver gave a forced laugh, and immediately Percy noticed that something was not right. "Oliver? Anything the matter?"

Blushing, Oliver shook his head.

However, Percy wouldn't take that for an answer, and, thinking back to the book that Oliver had been reading, pushed him to one side and reached under his pillow.

"'_The Female Eunuch_?'" Percy asked incredulously. "Women don't have…"

Before Percy could finish his sentence, Oliver burst into laughter. "It's a metaphor, Perce… !"

"Percy," Percy replied, someone grouchily. "What could a book be doing using castration as a metaphor?"

"It's a Muggle book," Oliver explained. "My sister gave it to me to read, saying that it would help when I started seeing girls. It's complicated."

Percy snorted. "_Girls_. Does it say anything about _boys_?"

"Oh, very funny."

"So why were you so embarrassed about reading it?"

Again, Oliver blushed. "Ah, it wasn't the book itself I was embarrassed about. It was, uh… what I was reading…"

Percy nodded knowingly. "Sex."

"Sex," Oliver replied, agreeing. Suddenly, apparently having just noticed something, Oliver reached out and cupped his hand around Percy's neck. "What's that?"

"What's _what_?"

"The bruise on your neck," Oliver said cheekily, grinning.

"Oh, that," Percy replied, oblivious to the obvious innuendo, "I was just in a bit of a scrap with Peter. He kindly informed me that he would wipe every memory of my relationship with Penelope out of her mind once she was awake, and that things would be back to 'normal'."

Oliver was visibly shocked, and forgot all about the mark he had made on Percy last night, which had culminated in them falling asleep together in Percy's bed, and Percy subsequently spending the night on the floor. "That's _horrible_!"

"Well, that's what I was trying to tell him. But, you know, some people just don't respect their superiors, Oliver."

Oliver laughed, despite the gravity of Peter's words. _That was such a Percy thing to say_, he thought. Smiling, he caught Percy completely by surprise, kissing him on the lips.

"We can deal with Peter," he said, "tomorrow."

* * *

TA-DAH! WHAT DID YOU THINK? Let me know by dropping a line! Reviews are loved, and you'll unfailingly receive a friendly reply. It's fanservice with a smile. :)

**Author's Chit-Chat**: Ok, to be honest with you all, I had no idea where I was going when I started the chapter. It's a bit aimless, as a result. I didn't know how to end it, so I defaulted to a bit of Oliver being cute. That always works. Anyway, I'm hoping to get back to the plot of CoS soon. I mean, this isn't just fluffy yaoi smut, there's actually going to be a plot here, mirroring that of CoS and PoA. Damn, so many "of"s. Anyway. The plot should come in properly in the next chapter; there'll be Percy a'patrollin', and Oliver a'longin', and a whole heap of angst. And maybe even some Ginny. Just because there are so many ways I can destroy Percy's soul. :P

So see you all then!

- _Legs_


	13. The Sound Of Someone Losing The Plot

CHAPTER 13! Here it comes! BTW, I've matured it. I think this chapter warrants it. COMPETITION: If you can pick up the title of an awesome song somewhere in this chapter, YOU GET AN INTERNET COOKIE or some fanart/quick scribblage of your choice. :)

Thanks to **ZombieMops**, **dearmanica**, **passionate4pens94** and **Loser. exe** for reviewing, **Schlaubi** and **Loser. exe** for alerting and **Loser. exe** for faving. This chapter is for you guys! I hope you enjoy~ (Sorry **Loser. exe** for the space, for some reason it doesn't like file extensions...)

**Disclaimer**: If the REAL Harry Potter was this angsty, I'd be responsible for millions of teenage suicides. That is, if people actually got emotionally attached to Percy like I did... T_T

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13. The Sound Of Someone Losing The Plot

In a tightly-knit school like Hogwarts, gossip travels like wildfire. When Percy was in Fourth Year, a boy in Slytherin had been admitted to the Hospital Wing, and no sooner than you could point your wand and mutter "_Reparo_", the word spread that he was out by the Whomping Willow, whipping out his "wand", so to speak, when whomped by said Willow.

And the fictitious rumour about Oliver and Angelina had gone around inexplicably quickly. After all, Percy had only told Penelope. And he had only told her that he _suspected_ something was going on. Not that there _was_ anything going on!

So, despite this incredible propensity for rumour and scandal, virtually no-one knew about Percy's brief dalliance with Penelope. Percy presumed that this was because the only people who knew had motives to keep it to themselves: they were either a friend of Percy's (Kathleen and Oliver) or needed it kept quiet to protect their reputation and to carry out some evil scheme or other (Peter).

Also, thankfully, no-one knew about Percy's current relationship with Oliver, which was a minor miracle, considering the number of times they had very nearly been caught in compromising situations. Whereas Percy and Penelope had gone to great lengths to hide their love away, Oliver seemed to take advantage of every moment they had alone. Or not.

Sure, they had an agreement; they weren't going to have a public relationship. But sometimes Percy thought that Oliver had a bit of a funny idea of what "private" meant. To Percy, "private" was "okay, let's make sure there's no-one anywhere near here, and I'll cast some silencing spells and repelling charms just in case, and THEN we can make out". To Oliver, "private" was "quick, Percy, nobody's looking! Let's duck under the table for a quick snog!"

Occasionally, Percy was all for it. Well, our old friend Drunk Percy was. Sober Percy much preferred _his_ way of doing things. And besides, it makes it _extraordinarily_ hard to concentrate in class when someone forces you to sit in the back row in all your classes together so no-one will notice when they fondle you under the table.

Another amusing thought that popped into Percy's mind in relation to his recent peak of hormonal teenage passion was that none of his siblings would be getting this kind of action as underage wizards. Bill _would_ have, but he was saving himself "for the right girl", a true romantic. Charlie was never really interested in sex - he was far too involved with his Care of Magical Creatures, and Fred and George would have snogged their fair share of girls - or boys - but they weren't mature enough to ever commit themselves, and were a bit like Charlie in that respect - too engrossed in their silly little jokes for any girl to take them seriously. And of course, Percy could predict where Ron and Ginny were headed. Ron was too spotty and dorky to ever get a girlfriend, and Ginny was so shy, Percy couldn't see her as the type with a different boy on her arm every week. No, she would probably be a late bloomer.

This, however, begged on burning question: why were people interested in _Percy_, of all the Weasleys? He was unpopular, and apparently, an utter "twat". Of course, that was Percy being cynical. To himself, he was adequate. Not perfect, but he could see how others would look up to him, what with his exceptional marks and air of authority. People called him "Perfect Percy", but they were wrong. As a unit, Percy felt imperfect. The only times he had ever felt complete, pardon the hackneyed turn of phrase, were when he was with someone else. Specifically, Oliver.

Sure, he was top of the grade. And sure, he was a Prefect. But Percy's trifecta wasn't complete without the third factor, popularity. However, as of late, Percy had started to think that maybe he had been wrong with his winning formula. Maybe, instead of popularity, he needed happiness.

Happiness was becoming rarer and rarer these days, with Percy working nine to five - and then some - patrolling the corridors, doing his duty as a Prefect. He knew he was working more than any of the other Prefects, and he knew that they were letting him take the sharp end of the stick, but he didn't mind their complacency and resentfulness towards him. After all, the more effort he put in, the more likely he was to become Head Boy the next year.

Because of the intense pressure on him to do his Prefect duty, he was falling behind on his essays. And because of the work he was putting in to ensure he remained top of the grade, he was missing out on a lot of time he could be spending with Oliver. And because he wasn't alone with Oliver _nearly_ enough to be satisfactory, he wasn't as happy as he had previously been. As you can imagine, this spiral of destructive behaviour wasn't exactly doing much for Percy. And it got worse once Dumbledore was suspended. Percy, like many others, was getting worried about the impact that it might have on the state of the school's defences.

Inwardly, Percy was fading away. He got back to his dorm near midnight most nights, late either from patrolling or doing his homework, and by then, Oliver was always asleep. He had to wake up at five-thirty most mornings to do the morning patrol or some last minute touch-ups on his essays, and briefly saw Oliver at breakfast, before heading off to his first class of the day. And at morning tea and lunch, there always seemed to be something there to take him away from relaxation.

Eventually, he began missing lessons; he would read the chapter in the textbook and take it in at three times the rate of any normal student, then turn up right at the end of class to see what his homework was, and what he should study for the next lesson. He claimed to have to do this, because if he didn't patrol the corridors in his spare time, he would be failing his fellow students.

Outwardly, however, he was still the same Percy: studious, self-important and seemingly-stable.

Oliver was concerned, but out of sheer respect for Percy, he said nothing, knowing that Percy would only lash out if it were suggested that he was working a bit too hard. No, Percy would be fine. The holidays would come soon enough, and he would have some time to relax and get back to his usual self.

xxx

One morning, Percy was patrolling, as usual, when he was approached by Professor McGonnagal, who summoned Percy to her office. When he arrived, he found Ron, Fred and George already there, their faces red and streaked with tears.

The next few minutes went by in a complete blur. Percy was sleep-deprived, and only half-taking in what McGonnagal was saying. There had been another attack, and this time a student had been taken into the Chamber of Secrets. It was Ginny.

Percy vaguely registered the sobs of his brothers, and he was somewhat aware of tears dripping out of his own eyes. But he was the figure of authority, and the older brother, as Bill and Charlie obvious weren't there. So Percy stood tall, and kept back his tears, willing himself to be strong, and not to be so emotional.

Ron was practically in hysterics, and Fred and George looked a damn sight different from their usual sunny personas. But Percy kept himself upright, kept himself restrained, occasionally dabbing at his eyes with his sleeve as McGonnagal elaborated on the bad news, and offered them any support they may need.

George glared at him, before turning to his brothers. "Look at him! He's not even upset!"

"Heartless!" Fred added, wiping his eyes.

"Oh, I don't think so," said McGonnagal softly. "I think that Percy is taking this just as badly as all of you. He is merely expressing his sorrow in a different manner."

When Percy didn't reply, Ron filled the awkward silence. "But just look at him! He isn't as upset as us! Percy doesn't even _care_ that Ginny could be dead!" he spat.

With that, Percy snapped. He didn't like getting angry at his family, but right then he had no control over his emotions. "You don't know that!" he yelled. "You don't fucking understand me! We call each other brothers, but none of you know me AT ALL!"

Bursting into tears, Percy turned away and ran out of the Professor's office as fast as he could. He heard her calling after him, but he didn't turn back. He didn't think he could bear to look at his brothers, who had so maligned and abused him.

His face and sleeves dripping wet with his own tears, Percy stormed up the stairs to his dorm. Thankfully, it was empty, and he yanked his robe off, not bothering to remove his Prefect badge and put it neatly aside. Angrily, he kicked off his shoes and ripped his socks violently off his feet. He stood silent for a while, fuming with pent-up rage.

He heard the door creak open behind him, and at the sound, kicked the side of his bed in anger. "Fuck off," he muttered harshly.

"As if," came Oliver's voice from the doorway, and soon after, Percy felt a pair of arms embrace him from behind, and Oliver's head resting on his shoulder.

"Go away," Percy said, sounding more pleading than irate now.

"No," Oliver said softly.

"Just leave me alone, Oliver."

"Never."

"Seriously, Oliver. Just go away."

Letting go of Percy, Oliver walked around and stood in front of him, almost forcefully pulling Percy to sit behind him on the edge of the bed. Wrapping an arm around Percy's shoulder, Oliver kissed him gently on the cheek. "Don't be such a sulk. Tell me what's wrong."

"It's Ginny."

xxx

After Percy had poured his heart (and some bodily fluids) out to Oliver, he wouldn't talk. He just sat on his bed, staring into space.

If Oliver had been concerned before, now he was _seriously_ worried. And so he did what any responsible boyfriend would do. He decided to go and talk to Professor - Temporary Headmistress - McGonnagal, leaving Percy alone with his thoughts.

"Professor, I need to talk to you about Percy," Oliver said, upon entering her office and sitting down opposite her as she gestured for him to.

"Yes, I've been having some worries about him too," she said, almost talking to herself. "But do go on," she added.

"Well, he's been more high strung than usual since he started his patrolling. It's 'cause he hasn't had enough time to do his homework, see. But now he's been patrolling more often. I don't know what he thinks he's looking for... it was since Ginny was taken."

"I couldn't agree more," McGonnagal replied. "I think Professor Dumbledore has been a little soft on the other Prefects."

"Yeah!" Oliver interjected, despite not knowing exactly what the Headmistress was saying. McGonnagal gave him a disapproving look.

"You may or may not know, Mister Wood, that many of the other Prefects have been letting Mister Weasley take on many of the duties that they should be carrying out. I believe this is due to a facet of his personality that puts him into a suggestible frame of mind when he is in a state of anxiety."

Oliver laughed to himself. He should know; it was so much easier to get Percy feeling romantic when he was in a complete state about something. That morning when Percy had told him about what had happened to Ginny, they had spent a good hour getting down to some _serious_ snogging on the floor of their dorm.

"Do you find something about this _amusing_, Mister Wood?" McGonnagal asked sternly.

"Ah, no- ah... well, I was just, um, thinking about how what you said could apply to a, um, particularly amusing situation that happened earlier..."

As the blush rose in Oliver's cheeks, McGonnagal gave a knowing nod. "As Head of your House, Wood, nothing much gets past me."

At this point, Oliver was finding his feet more interesting that a fresh set of Quidditch tactics. _How the_hell_do teachers do that?_ he thought to himself.

"I _sincerely_ hope you do not use this weakness of Mister Weasley's to your advantage."

"Oh, no, I certainly would never..." Oliver muttered, examining the carpet intently.

"Good," she replied, nodding. "Well, thank you for voicing your concerns to me, Wood. I shall certainly do something to ensure that from now on, Prefect tasks are shared about with more equality."

As Oliver left her office that afternoon, he couldn't help but wonder who else on the staff knew about what was going on between himself and Percy. Hopefully not Lockhart, he mused. That man exuded gayness at the same rate as Percy did his homework.

xxx

It was about four-thirty, and Percy sat at a desk beside Isolde at a Prefect meeting that Professor McGonnagal had somewhat hastily called for that afternoon.

"Attention!" she called. When the general chatter continued, she cleared her throat. "ATTENTION!"

The whole room fell silent, and their eyes faced the front.

"Now, it has come to my attention that in this time of great need, one of your number in particular is taking on a very heavy workload indeed..."

Here, Isolde nudged Percy happily, and whispered "she means you!"

"... whilst the rest of you seem to be shirking away from your responsibilities."

There was a guilty silence.

"As the Prefect body of Hogwarts, you should be aware that it is _your_ duty to help ensure the safety and security of our students, and that these duties should be shared evenly amongst you."

There were several Prefects whose cheeks were reddening, and others who were scoffing at the audacity of the Professor's claims. Guess what house the latter group belonged to.

"So, from this point onwards, there will be a roster as to who takes on what tasks and when. And _all_ tasks will be distributed absolutely evenly. Is this clear?"

There were mutters of assent from the crowd, and a couple of Prefects even turned to Percy and gave him slightly apologetic looks as Professor McGonnagal refused to let him volunteer for any extra duties as the roster was being drawn up.

After the meeting, Percy found to his horror that he had no patrolling to do that afternoon, and proceeded to go into a psychotic episode of the Percy variety.

This involved walking around in circles for a few minutes, before having a shower, tidying and re-tidying his desk several times, and eventually locking himself in an empty classroom to write a letter to his parents. After all, he was the older, much more responsible brother. And it wasn't like the others were doing anything. They were just sitting around moping in the common room.

xxx

It was around six - maybe later, Percy had lost count - when his parents arrived. His owl had gone off post-haste, of course, and his parents rushed over as soon as they could. Percy got an owl telling him to meet them in Hogsmeade, and procured a special pass from the Headmistress to exit the school, under her supervision, and to meet his parents.

They were both in states of panic when Percy met them. Immediately, they began to ask him all sorts of questions; how, why, when did it happen? None of which Percy could answer. He just walked beside them, dumb to the world, letting them talk at him.

When they reached Professor McGonnagal's office, Percy left them. He didn't want to be around for any more emotional discourse, preferring instead to let his emotions out in some other way.

Percy found Oliver back in their dorm, reading some Muggle book or other, and, in a decidedly un-Percy manner, pulled the book out of his hands and pinned him down onto the bed in a somewhat compromising position.

"Perce... ?" Oliver started, but didn't get much further, as his mouth became otherwise occupied.

Percy pulled off him, and began to speak. "Don't say anything, Oliver. I've had a _fucking_ bad day. Ginny's been taken by this... this... _THING_... and I've been taken off _more than half_ of my patrol duties! So right now, all I need is a good..."

He would've finished with the word "snog", but it seemed that Oliver was a step ahead. He pulled Percy down towards him and shoved their mouths together.

Within moments - and Merlin only knows how - Oliver had managed to manoeuvre himself on top of Percy, and their robes lay discarded on the floor. For an observer, it would have been impossible to see where Oliver's arms were at any one point in time, quite possibly because they had found their way under several layers of clothing. Percy, too, was similarly occupied, and, had an observer been present, they would have seen him in much more detail than they had previously wished. _If_ they had indeed been present.

Unfortunately for our protagonist and the blur of sweaty flesh that rolled around him, this observer was _not_ purely hypothetical. This observer was in fact Daffyd Crymruwryn, a sixth year of the Gryffindor house, and roommate of said protagonist and blur. And at that moment, he felt like pointing his wand at himself and shouting "_Obliviate_!"

Instead, he pointed his finger at the figures on the bed and shouted "HOLY SHIT!"

Percy and Oliver immediately pulled apart, and clambered guiltily off the bed. Percy picked up his robe and pulled it to his chest, as though trying to cover up his non-existent nudity, and Oliver hurriedly began to button up his shirt. Daffyd stood there, shell-shocked, not saying a word.

Suddenly, the incredibly awkward silence was broken by Jack, who ran into the dorm, a massive grin on his face.

"PARTY IN THE GREAT HALL!"

* * *

WELL? What did you think? If you've got something you want to say, leave me a review! Every one gets a reply! (It's service with a smile~)

**Author's Ramble**: Okay, so when I started this chapter, it was called "Suspended Animation", then it took on the title of the song mentioned in the competition at the beginning, and now it's what it is now. And this is my second chapter named after a Pulp song. Gosh darn. But I digress. What I'm trying to say is that I had one idea, then it changed completely, and then it did so again. And so this chapter mutated a fair bit before it became how it is now. And not only because I fucked up my chronology the first time. So, hope you all enjoyed the angst and cuteness, and I'll see you all next time with the next, brilliant conclusion of the section of this fic that's set during CoS. Or not. I tend to pad things out~

- _Legs_

NEXT TIME, ON _RULED BY SECRECY_: PAAAAAAAAAART-AAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY DOOOOOOWNNNNN!


	14. Do You Remember?

Here we go! Right here is the awesome power of Chapter 14, which you will love, or your money back, guaranteed!

Thanks to **ZombieMops**, **dearmanica**, **Gabriel Tunichtgut**, **Loser. exe**, **passionate4pens94** and **Memories Left Abandoned** (who are incidentally a bunch of my best reviewers) for reviewing, **clarkyandsesshyslove**, **NATWEST** and **Spazzynerd** for alerting,**myob** for faving and ESPECIALLY to **LanMandragon** for author-alerting _Lacrima_and I, because that has not happened before! I feel so proud, and I haven't mentioned it to _Lacrima_yet, but I'm sure she's incredibly proud too. Now, on with the show!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Harry Potter and environs - the Great Hall, the Gryffindor Dorms and the Hogwarts Express, all of which feature in this chapter. If I _did_ own the series, Harry would be a stupid little twat like he is in this chapter.

* * *

14. Do You Remember?

"PARTY IN THE GREAT HALL!" Jack screamed, before rushing off, presumably to the Great Hall, leaving the three figures in the Gryffindor sixth year boys' dorm stunned into silence.

"... Party?" Oliver asked tentatively, breaking the silence.

"That's what he _said_, dumbfuck!" Daffyd snapped, seemingly regaining his composure after being flabbergasted by the sight of Oliver and Percy having a little party of their own on the former's bed.

Before either Percy or Oliver could say anything, Daffyd turned on his heel and walked purposefully away from the dorm and in the direction of the Common Room. Oliver glanced sideways at Percy, who had been eerily silent since Daffyd had walked in on them.

"Perce?"

Percy replied with a sort of "mm?" noise, still not moving.

"He's gone now," Oliver said suggestively.

"Oh, Merlin, Oliver, the moment's gone," Percy muttered, flopping backwards onto Oliver's bed. Oliver climbed on and lay beside him, and noticed that the Muggle clock on his bedside table read 9:34.

"What the hell?" he said, frowning. "How the hell did time pass that quickly?"

"We were otherwise occupied, I believe," Percy answered, a small smile on his face.

"Oh, _that's_ right!" Oliver said sarcastically.

They lay together for several moments, Percy staring at the ceiling and Oliver staring at Percy, before Oliver spoke.

"Maybe we should go down to the Great Hall; go see what the Party's all about..."

"Perhaps it's in celebration of the victory of Slytherin's monster over Hogwarts, and the brainwashing of all its students," Percy replied pessimistically.

"Right, that's _it_!" Oliver almost shouted, launching himself off the bed. "You, my friend, need to have some _fun_! You need to _party_!"

With that, he grabbed Percy's hands and pulled him into a standing position. "We're going to the Great Hall to knock the miserable sod right out of you!"

Before Percy could object, he was being dragged by the hand out of the Gryffindor tower and down to the Great Hall, where it seemed as though the aforementioned party was in full swing.

All the students were sitting/jumping up and down at their tables in their pyjamas, getting stuck into a feast that looked much more extravagant than anything Percy had seen in his time at Hogwarts. Oliver dragged him to the Gryffindor table, which was essentially a clump of students crowded around one area.

"What's going on here?" he asked one student, a small boy with a camera around his neck.

"It's Harry and Ron!" the boy shouted exuberantly. "They went to the Chamber of Secrets and they saved Ginny and..."

Percy stopped listening. "Ginny?" he asked, sceptically but hopefully.

"Yeah!" the boy beamed. "She's right here!"

"GINNY!" Percy screamed, forcing his hand out of Oliver's and pushing through the crowd of people. "GINNY!"

When he made it to the centre of the crowd, he found Ginny sitting amongst Ron, Harry and their friends, as well as the twins and a couple of their crowd. Tears in his eyes, he ran up to Ginny and enfolded her in the most intense embrace he had ever given anyone (apart from Oliver, on occasions).

"Percy, what the hell... ?" Ron asked, evidently surprised and amused in equal measures. Ginny would probably have proffered a similar exclamation if it were not for the fact that her face was shoved into Percy's chest, which would not have smelt dissimilar to Oliver.

Due to her lack of vocal opportunity, Ginny instead responded by pushing Percy away from her. "Gross!" she yelled.

"Ginny, what on Earth happened to you?" he asked, choosing to ignore her lack of enthusiasm at seeing her brother. "Why... ?"

"It was Tom Riddle," Harry chimed in precociously. "He had been controlling Ginny through a _diary_."

"Tom Riddle as in He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?" Percy asked incredulously.

"That's right!" Harry replied. "Lord Vo-"

"HARRY!" Ron snapped, hitting his friend across the back of the head. "Stop it!"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Anyway, _as I was saying_, it turned out that _he_ was behind all these attacks!"

"Not quite," said a small but assured voice from the other side of the table. "It was a basilisk, actually."

"Hermione? But I thought you were..."

"Yes, petrified, I know," Hermione replied, waving her hand around nonchalantly, "but no longer. That is of no importance. What _is_ important is that the basilisk is dead... Ron and Harry _killed_ it!"

"Ron?" Percy asked tactlessly.

"That's right, _brother_," Ron snapped, evidently not over that morning's exchange between them, "I'm not as hopeless as you think."

"I never- !"

"Perce?" Oliver tapped Percy on the shoulder, and left his hand there as Percy turned around. "If Hermione's better, then..."

He didn't need to finish his sentence. Percy was a clever type, and made the connection immediately. "Penelope!"

Hastily mumbling an apology, he bade farewell to his housemates, and dashed off out of the crowd, not noticing the smirk on Ginny's face. Oliver followed dutifully.

"Aren't you gonna stay for a chat, Ol'?" Fred asked, raising his mug of butterbeer in a mock toast.

"Oh, um..." Oliver stuttered awkwardly, blushing, "I think I'll say hi to Penelope with Percy. See how she's going, you know?"

"What-_ever_!" Fred said, performing a brilliant rendition of the "talk to the hand" gesture.

Oliver slipped off quickly, not checking to see if Daffyd had been around to notice his loyalty to Percy over, well, everyone else. _What does it matter, anyway?_he thought to himself, _It'll be all over the school by tomorrow, and then we'll be home for the holidays_.

It wasn't hard for Percy to locate Penelope; he was a head and a bit taller than the average height at Hogwarts, so all he really had to do was stand on his toes a bit and comb the crowd for Penelope. And anyway, she was sitting at the end of the Ravenclaw table talking to a couple of friends, away from all the action, which was a rare sight in itself. Really, the only table _not_ trying to catch a glimpse of Ron and Harry was the Slytherin table - surprise, surprise.

Percy approached Penelope, trying to act cool, calm and collected. He still partially blamed himself for what had happened to her.

"Penny…?"

She turned around and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, Percy. What do you want?"

Percy was rather taken aback by her cold attitude. "I… uh… I heard you were out of the Hospital Wing, and I thought I'd come see how you were going."

"Oh. Um. Right," she replied, looking visibly confused, "I guess we could walk and talk for a bit."

"That'd be nice," Percy said, smiling. He offered his arm to her as she stood up, but she either didn't notice or decided she'd really rather not. Oliver, who had been close behind Percy this whole time, gauged that this would be a good time to drop back, and floated off to where Angelina, Katie and Alicia were sitting.

"Peter's off chatting to his friends, so I'm sure he won't mind that I've disappeared for a bit," Penelope began, before Percy had a chance to talk.

"Peter?" Percy asked, mentally crossing his fingers that this didn't mean what he thought it might mean.

"Yes, silly! Peter, my boyfriend! Remember, you met him on the train…?"

"Oh, yes, silly me," Percy replied, playing along. It _had_ happened. Peter had gotten to Penelope's memories before he could stop him, and obliterated any memory of her relationship with Percy, just as the bastard had said he would.

They walked along in silence for a while, eventually coming to a corridor away from the Great Hall.

"Do you remember," Percy started, "that you once said to me that you wanted a… a gay friend?"

"Did I say that?" Penelope asked, a bemused expression on her face. "I forget these things. But you're completely right. I absolutely _do_."

Percy smiled. "Well, I just wanted to say, I really like you. And I think we've gotten along really well in the past, so… I guess what I'm trying to say is… I… I want to be your gay friend!"

_Well_, Percy thought, _that wasn't exactly how I was planning to say that_.

"Oh, Percy!" Penelope said happily. "Then it's true? I always thought that it was a silly rumour, but…"

"What rumour?"

"Oh, some people, you know. Just idle chatter. But I never thought…! Let me guess who it is!"

"Who… _what_?"

"You _do_ have a boyfriend, don't you? It's just, if I know you, you wouldn't come out of the closet unless there was someone there with a pair of pliers and a length of rope! No offence."

"I hate to admit it, but you're _absolutely_ right. I was pulled out by a, shall we say, consuming passion. And no-one really knows except for one close friend. And now you. Not even my family know, so… I suppose you can guess away."

Penelope grinned broadly. "Is it Oliver?"

"What the hell?" Percy asked, affronted and blushing. "How did you do that?"

"Oh, come _on_, Percy. Even if one didn't know that you were gay, your attachment to him is obvious."

Percy reddened. "Well, I must say, I'd greatly appreciate it if you kept all this to yourself."

"Of course!" Penelope said, accompanied by the "cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die" hand motions. "This'll be our secret."

They stood for a few moments in silence, before Penelope spoke up. "I do think we should spend more time together, Percy! I mean, over these holidays we should write to each other by owl!"

"Definitely!" Percy replied, smiling. "My family and I will be in Egypt, but our owls should be fine with that distance, wouldn't you say?"

Penelope nodded. "Now, I _must_ get back to my _other_ friends, but we'll talk more before the end of term, okay?"

"Certainly," Percy said, pondering for a moment, and then adding, "and you know, I've always thought that there was something a little funny about Peter."

"What do you mean?"

Here, Percy did something decidedly sneaky. But could you honestly blame him? Peter had wiped his former girlfriend's - _first_ girlfriend's - memories of their brief encounters out of her mind! Even though they hadn't exactly broken up in the most amicable circumstances, he still had feelings for Penelope. _Platonic_ feelings.

"Well, you know what they say... 'it takes one to know one'... well..."

"You think he's _gay_?"

Feigning awkwardness, Percy rubbed the back of his head. "It really isn't my place to say, but..."

"Oh my god!" Penelope squeaked, panicking. "I need to go speak to him! But Percy, I'll see you on the train, okay?"

"Uh, okay..." Percy said, but his words had no audience. Penelope had dashed off to find Peter. Percy felt simultaneously dirty and proud of himself.

Soon after Penelope had left, Oliver walked over to Percy and kissed him clandestinely on the cheek. "So? How'd it go?"

"Not too well. Peter's already gotten to her."

"What a cock!" Oliver shouted, almost too loudly. "I should beat him to a pulp!"

"No, you shouldn't, Oliver... I think I've exacted my revenge far enough. I almost feel _sorry_ for Peter!"

"What did you do?"

"Things were insinuated. It doesn't really matter. What matters is that Penny and I are friends again."

"Good," Oliver said, taking Percy's hand, "now come on. Let's go get something to eat. I don't know about you, but _I_ certainly worked up an appetite this evening."

Percy smiled. "Alright."

Back in the Great Hall, they took a seat near the middle of the Gryffindor table with the rest of the Sixth Year, who had formed a contingent as the clump surrounding Ron, Harry and Ginny had dispersed.

They were only onto the main course (but well-past the "too many butterbeers stage"), which was suitably opulent, when Dumbledore stood up and cleared his throat. The Hall withdrew into silence.

The announcements came as usual. A great cheer went up when the re-instated Headmaster passed on the news that Professor Lockhart wouldn't be returning the next year. Isolde and a couple of other Sixth Year girls actually stood up, as though they were applauding at a concert.

"And finally, I would like to announce a special allotment of House Points for two students, who have today displayed braveness and fortitude that marks them as _true_ Gryffindors. To Ronald Weasley, two hundred points-"

Here, Drunk Percy let out a loud "whoop", and yelled "HERE, HERE!"

"- And to Harry Potter, two hundred points-"

Drunk Percy and Completely Smashed Oliver exchanged a pained look and rolled their eyes. "Bloody pain," Oliver muttered, "always getting fuckin' awards and shit. What do I get for being an all-round awesome fucker? _Nothing_!"

Percy nodded solemnly in agreement.

"- Which, as those of you who have mastered basic mathematics will now have worked out, means that this year's House Cup is awarded to Gryffindor!" Dumbledore finished with a flourish.

"YEAAAAAAAAH!" Oliver yelled in a way that would have embarrassed the entire house if there weren't countless others doing the same, as he clambered onto the bench and raised his mug of butterbeer into the air triumphantly. There was an overwhelming amount of noise from the Gryffindor table in general, and polite applause from the other three tables.

And then, fuelled by alcohol and hormones working overtime, Oliver launched himself on Percy and kissed him firmly on the lips.

Daffyd made a loud noise of disgust when Oliver pulled away from a shocked-looking Percy. Shocked-_looking_, because he was trying his utmost to look like he wasn't about to kiss back.

"Get a room, you two!" Daffyd shouted.

"Oh, be nice," Thom mumbled, "Oliver was just getting over-excited."

To the surprise of both Percy and Oliver, Daffyd just snorted. "Yeah, whatever."

As the night wore on, students began to fall asleep at the four long tables, or against the wall, or in a corner of their own. Percy and Oliver, however, took advantage of the fact that absolutely _no-one_ would be up in the Gryffindor dorms that night.

xxx

Percy had been patrolling the Hogwarts Express for almost the entire journey, and it was with great shame that he allowed Oliver to physically drag him and his patrolling partner Penelope into a compartment to "get some rest, goddamnit!"

It was evident that Percy _needed_ the rest, however, as he flopped down beside Oliver in their compartment. Oliver, being tall, respected and a little pushy, had been able to secure a compartment for himself, Jack and Kathleen, and now Percy and Penelope. It would be an understatement to say that Jack was confused when Percy collapsed beside Oliver and leant his head on his shoulder.

"I honestly am _not_ looking forward to getting off this train," Percy muttered. "I'll be stuck with my _family_ for the next month or so!"

"Aww," Oliver said with mock sympathy, slipping an arm around Percy's waist, "_poor_ you. It would be _awful_ to have such a _loving_ and _close-knit_ family!"

"Shut up," Percy replied, sounding like a spoilt child, "_you_ don't have to live with them!"

"Whatever," Oliver said, turning his head to give Percy a kiss.

There was a bit of a silence after that, as Oliver rather refused to disentangle himself.

"Okay, what the _hell_?" Jack asked to nobody in particular.

Kathleen giggled. "Poor Jacky, no-one tells you anything, do they?"

"No, they do _not_!" he said, a little annoyed. "You guys are my roommates! You could've said something!"

Percy pushed Oliver off him (not without a struggle), looking apologetic. "Sorry, Jack. It's a bit recent."

Oliver snorted at this. "In which reality?"

Percy nudged Oliver in the ribs. "Arsehole."

"Oh, but you can't tell anyone!" Penelope said, as though there were a light-bulb above her head. "It's a _secret_!"

"Right," Jack said, smiling, "my lips are sealed."

What little of the train journey was left went by uneventfully for most - except for Percy. Sitting in a compartment, chatting to people like a _normal_ teenager was such an alien concept to him that he was almost entirely overwhelmed by the situation. He felt as though that year he really _had_ completed his trifecta. He was still top of the grade, a Head Boy hopeful, and he had _friends_. He actually had _friends_. Or at least, he hoped he did. But he had never felt more comfortable than just sitting around, chatting to Oliver, Penelope, Kathleen and Jack.

When the train arrived at Kings Cross, Oliver had to run - he was meeting his sister for dinner - and so he gave Percy a quick kiss before dashing off. So Percy walked off the train with Penelope, who he felt was really becoming his best friend. Apart from Oliver. But Oliver didn't exactly count. Last time Percy checked, people didn't generally snog their best friends instead of saying "hi".

So he crossed the barrier, gave Penelope a hug and a promise to write first so she would know where to send letters to, and walked over to where his family were standing. Immediately, he was surrounded on either side by Fred and George.

"So, Percy, we heard you've been getting some _love_ lately!" Fred began.

Percy flushed. _How could they know about Oliver? Oh, I bet it was Daffyd who told them! It would have to be_! he thought. "H- how- what do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb with us, Percy!" George continued. "We _know_ that you've got a girlfriend!"

* * *

TA-DAHHH! What did you think? Like it or lump it, how about leaving a review? They make my day, honestly. And you're guaranteed a reply! :)

**Author's Notette**: There we are! Do you think it was a bit of a conclusive chapter? That's because it marks the end of this work of fanfiction that occurs during CoS! From here on in, we'll be in PoA territory! I'm quite excited, I have to say. Also, I had various songs with "remember" and "forget" in the title that I was considering using for this chapter, but in the end I settled on "Do You Remember?", because it reminds me of the chorus of "Do You Remember The First Time?" (another Pulp song), which goes: "_Do you remember the first time? I can't remember a worse time, but you know that we've changed so much since then, oh yeah we've grown_". I think it's fitting. I can't wait until this plotline reaches 1995 - then I can make Oliver listen to some good Britpop! I'm probably going to regret using "Do You Remember The First Time?" now, because I'll want to use it later (you'll see ;D) but oh well. There's plenty of Blur I have at my disposal. :D

Until next time,

- _Legs_

NEXT TIME ON "RULED BY SECRECY": Percy placed in a pyramid, perhaps. Poor Prefect.


	15. Hello, Cruel World

Hello, and first of all SORRY FOR THE DELAY! The holidays make me super-lazy. But I've done this chapter up now, and it's ready for public consumption. Worth the wait, too. Thanks to **Loser. exe**, **Memories Left Abandoned**, **passionate4pens94**, **dearmanica**,**Eshilia**, **xSadisticxFujix** and **Sylvan Spirit** for reviewing, **Jeanome**, **xSadisticxFujix** and **Sylvan Spirit** for alerting, **Jeanome**, **Gabriel Tunichtgut**and **xSadisticxFujix** for faving, and **MoRaine25** for author alerting. Hope you guys like it!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, there would be a lot more scenes with Percy in them, and I would have actually _explained_ how the Dementors got off the train, not just let Harry pass out and then wake up for everything to be ok. D:

* * *

15. Hello, Cruel World

If there was one thing that Percy disliked more than not being at school, it was not being at school and not being at home. And if there was one thing that Percy disliked more than not being at school and not being at home, it was being in Egypt instead. He had nothing to amuse himself but the occasional letter from Oliver or Penelope. Plus, everything was so _dirty_.

Soon after Percy sent his owls off to Penelope and Oliver, he received an owl back from Penelope. She was in France (lucky her! Percy was certain that their food had lower spice content than the things they were forced to eat every night), and had sent him a photo of her outside her aunt's chateau in Provence. It was large (apparently), clean (evidently) and was much more desirable a holiday location than Egypt. If given a choice, that would be where he would be. Then again, he'd much rather be with Oliver back at Hogwarts than anywhere else in the world.

On one eventful day, after Percy had narrowly avoided being locked in a pyramid, and had been molested by a camel, the Weasleys were wandering (relatively) peacefully through a market near where they were staying. Percy had found a nice photo frame for Penelope's picture, which he decided he would keep by his bedside to remind him that he _did_ in fact have friends.

Despite the mini-Penelope that kept Percy company at night, he ached to be back home. He needed to be able to escape his brothers; they were constantly teasing him about his "girlfriend", and simply wouldn't take no for an answer. Percy wondered how they knew - which was really all he could do, because you could never know for certain with the twins. And of course, the photo wasn't exactly doing much to put them off.

And then, with a matter of days left before they returned home, the Hogwarts letters came. There were the usual book-lists, but one other letter came with this bundle. It was also from the school, and was addressed to Percy alone. He presumed it must be something to do with the fact that it was his N.E.W.T. year. After all, he remembered Bill and Charlie getting something like that.

Ron, Ginny and the twins were in the lounge room of the hotel/house they were staying at, and Molly and Arthur were having a discussion in the kitchen, when they heard a piercing scream from the hallway. Molly immediately rushed out of the kitchen to where to noise had come from, only to find Percy standing there, tears rolling down his face, clutching an envelope to his chest.

"Percy, what is it?" she asked cautiously, walking up to him and putting an arm around his middle-back - which was about as high as she could reach.

Percy looked down at his mother, a slightly gormless grin appearing on his face. He managed to squeak out several words between tears: "Head Boy!"

As Arthur entered the hallway, he found Percy being enfolded in an embrace by his teary mother, who made a similar noise of happiness to the one that Percy had made earlier. Soon, the house was alive with the noise of three sobbing Weasleys, brimming over with joy.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" Ron asked, reluctantly acting as the diplomat and getting up from a game of exploding snap to see what all the fuss was. In response, Percy shuffled about in the wet and crumpled envelope, and thrust out a small, silver and shining badge that glinted in the sunlight coming in through the window.

"Oh, Merlin," Ron groaned, putting his face in his palm.

"What is it?" Fred called from the next room.

Re-entering the room and flopping down on a couch, Ron said "He's only gone and been made Head bloody Boy!"

The other Weasley siblings had similar reactions to Ron. "Merlin, he'll _never_ shut up now!" Ginny complained.

xxx

Back in London, the Weasleys had just finished a long day of shopping for school books and the like. They were heading back to the Leaky Cauldron, where they were staying, just in time for afternoon tea. However, when they arrived, Percy noticed a rather unwelcome (in his opinion) guest.

"Harry," he said with a slight scowl. "How nice to see you," he added sarcastically.

"Hello, Percy," Harry replied, evidently holding back laughter. _Obviously_, Percy thought, _this boy is absolutely immune to sarcasm_.

"I hope you're well?" Percy asked with the tone one would use when asking "I hope you're suffering?"

He extended his arm out of sheer, ingrained politeness, and Harry shook reluctantly. _Flaccid handshake_, Percy thought, shaking his head inwardly. _That's not going to get him_ anywhere _in life_.

"Very well, thanks-" Harry said courteously.

"Harry!" Fred exclaimed, digging his elbow into Percy and shoving him to one side. He executed a deep bow. "Simply _splendid_ to see you, old boy-"

George then performed a similar action, pushing Fred aside, and continuing on the farce. "Marvellous. Absolutely spiffing."

"That's enough now," Molly cut in, evidently about as amused as Percy was. He was glad that at least _one_ other member of the family hated him being mocked as much as he did. When Fred continued being a complete arse, she stopped him in his tracks, and turned to greet Harry, taking command of the situation.

"Hello, Harry, dear," she started, "I suppose you've heard our exciting news?"

When Harry looked a little confused, she gestured to the badge on Percy's chest. "Second Head Boy in the family!"

"And last," Fred muttered, soft enough to sound like an aside, but loud enough for everyone to hear clearly.

"I don't doubt that," Molly said, giving Arthur a look that clearly meant "_Where did we go wrong, honey?_"

"I noticed they haven't made you two Prefects," she added, throwing the twins a pointed look.

They crinkled their faces up in disgust. "What do we want to be Prefects for?" George asked, "it'd take all the fun out of life!"

Ginny laughed at this. Truth be told, she couldn't've agreed more.

"You want to set a better example to your sister!" Molly snapped at the twins.

Sensing the opportunity for a snide comment that would give him the upper ground, Percy said "Ginny's got _other_ brothers to set her an example, Mother," and then added "I'm going up to change for dinner."

As he turned and walked away, Percy could feel the mocking eyes of his juniors on him. _Let them laugh_, he thought. _They'll never be Head_ Anything_, they'll never have such amazing marks as mine, and they'll certainly_never_have Oliver Wood_.

xxx

Percy lay on his bed staring at his photo of Penelope. She was grinning and waving at him, permanently frozen in a state of happiness on the table beside his bed. If only he could be like that, he thought. Just a photograph; smiling and waving, frozen in a second of rare serenity.

He remembered that Oliver had once told him about Muggle photography - their pictures were even more fleeting. They stood _still_, and were captured in a nanosecond of perfection. Percy imagined what Penelope would have looked like at the precise moment the picture was taken. Probably grinning into the lens of the camera, perhaps with her arm up beside her, waving.

_"Changing for dinner"_, he thought to himself with amusement. How stupid could you be? It was the only excuse he could come up with to get himself away from the rest of his family at such short notice, though, so it just came out. If he was being truly honest, he would've said "I'm going up to ponder the worthlessness of my life and count off the seconds until I'm back at Hogwarts".

Thinking about Hogwarts, however, only made Percy contemplate how little time he had left there. In a year, he would have completed his N.E.W.T.s and would be released into the real world. He was going to work at the Ministry; that had already been decided. He'd never really thought about what he would want to do if he didn't follow in his father's footsteps. Perhaps he would just deteriorate into a life of squalor and die alone in the Three Broomsticks, passed out from too much Firewhiskey.

Yes, it was the Ministry or nothing.

xxx

It had _not_ been a good couple of days for Percy, and he was starting to wonder how everyone was always so goddamn happy all the time. Ever since he had been appointed Head Boy, Fred and George were acting like complete dickheads around him, making stupid jokes and the like. Then _somebody_ had taken his badge, and it had been returned to him with the pristine embossed letters now reading "Bighead Boy".

The final straw, however, had been Ron spilling some tea on the photo of Penelope. Percy had gone over the edge (perhaps _too_ far over) and yelled at Ron, calling him things he was not at all proud of. But then again, she was hiding her face behind the frame because of the blotch near her nose. That was just a bit unforgivable.

And, if by now you are still thinking "psh, his life is nothing compared to how much _mine_ sucks", then just wait for the next bit: he was forced to get in a car with The Twat Who Lived.

The cars had been booked to take them to Kings Cross Station for reasons unknown to everyone except Percy and his parents. They were, _of course_, to protect Harry from the deranged serial killer Sirius Black. _Typical_, Percy thought, _he gets cars to drive him to the Station and Ministry officials to protect him while I get a badge that I have to stay up all night fixing because it's been defaced by a pair of jokers with nothing better to occupy their time._

When they finally reached the Station and got on to platform nine and three-quarters, Percy noticed Penelope talking to Peter, and remembered with an odd mixture of embarrassment and pride that he hadn't mentioned his shiny Head Boy badge to her yet. "Ah, there's Penelope!" he muttered to himself, and proceeded to walk over to her, sticking out his chest so she couldn't miss the badge.

"Penny!" he called, and waved to her with his free hand. Peter rolled his eyes and walked off to talk to someone else as Penelope's attention was diverted.

"Percy!" she called back, and ran up to hug him. It was slightly awkward for Percy, because he still had one hand up in the air, and Penelope was a good head and a half shorter than him. Eventually, he took his hand down and put it around Penelope's shoulders.

"How were your holidays?" she asked, pulling away and smiling up at Percy.

He frowned back at her. "Mostly terrible. Yours?"

"Mine were good... but why were yours _terrible_?"

"Oh, I just don't really like Egypt," he replied, waving his free hand around as if continue the sentence with "_and just things in general_". "And anyway, I said _mostly_ terrible."

Penelope laughed. "Okay, so what were the good bi- OH MY GOD!"

"What?" Percy asked, panicking reflexively.

"HEAD BOY!" Penelope screamed, attracting far too much attention. "YOU'RE THE HEAD BOY!"

Percy blushed and smiled. "Yes, I am."

"That is _too_ cool!" she enthused, poking the shiny badge tentatively. "When did you find out? Why didn't you write and tell me?"

"Because he was too busy writing to _me_," said a new voice from behind Percy. He turned around to see Oliver standing behind him with a large grin on his face. It took all of Percy's self control not to fling himself upon Oliver and kiss him like there was no tomorrow.

Fortunately for Percy's raging hormones, Oliver did it for him - without the kissing part. They held each other closely for several moments before breaking apart.

"Head Boy!" Oliver said.

"Head Boy," Percy echoed.

"Does this mean you get your own compartment on the train?" Oliver asked suggestively.

"I can only hope so," Percy replied, fingering his badge self-consciously.

xxx

As it turned out, the Head Boy _did_ get his own compartment. Well, he had to share it with the Head Girl, but it still counted.

Percy got on the train and instructed Oliver to wait until they had set off to come and find his compartment, at which point he would excuse himself from the Head Girl's company and they would go and make out in the onboard toilets - if they were free. But before any of this, he had to go and find Kathleen to tell her the good news.

Oliver was chatting to Angelina, so Percy made his way down the train alone. He peered into all the compartments for any sight of her or Jack, but he couldn't see either of them anywhere. Finally, when they had been travelling for at least fifteen minutes, Percy found Jack at the opposite end of the train to where his compartment was.

"Jack!" he cried, flinging open the door, much to the disgust of Thom and Daffyd, who were in there with him. "Where's Kathleen?"

Jack grinned. "I don't know, Percy, but I reckon you're at the wrong end of the train."

"What's that suppose to mean?"

Glancing at Percy's badge, Jack replied "Try checking _your_ compartment."

Percy stood there for a couple of seconds, taking in what Jack had just said. "But that means..."

_That means that Kathleen's the Head Girl_! he thought with excitement.

"Okay thanks Jack got to go!" Percy said hurriedly, rushing off and slamming the door behind him. He ran down the corridor, stumbling past confused First Years and annoyed Seventh Years. When he dashed past Oliver, his instinct was to turn and follow Percy, because someone so un-athletic doesn't just break into a sprint like that.

Just as they were about to reach the compartment at the head of the train, a Slytherin Sixth Year Prefect stuck his foot out, and Percy, not looking where he was going, tripped right over it.

Percy yelped in pain as he fell to the ground, face first. He could feel the warmth of blood trickling down from his nose to his lips.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Oliver yelled, rounding on the Prefect. "YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!"

Suddenly, everything became very cold and dark, and it wasn't just because Percy felt like he was about to pass out. Nobody could see anything around them. The train stopped with a clunk, and Percy felt a body descend beside him. Oliver had fallen to the ground, but much more gracefully than Percy had. Percy felt Oliver's hands around his face, and soon their lips collided in a fit of delayed gratification that couldn't be seen by anyone else around them.

In that moment, it became evident just how much Percy and Oliver had missed each other. Percy couldn't recall ever having felt such desire before, and suddenly - almost as though it had been kept bottled up - it was all flowing out at once.

"Get out of the corridors!" a voice from further behind them yelled. Oliver didn't seem to be paying any attention - he kept on going like there had been no interruption - but Percy felt something was amiss. The train was getting colder, and Percy had read enough to know that darkness and cold were trademarks of Dementors. But what would they be doing on the Hogwarts express? One could only guess.

Grabbing Oliver by the robe (Percy wasn't quite sure where, but from Oliver's yelp of surprise, he gathered it was near a _sensitive_ area), Percy dragged him into the Head Boy/Girl compartment and shut the door tightly. When Oliver made further attempts to get his hand up Percy's robes, Percy pushed him away. "I've got a bad feeling about this, Oliver. Try not to be so full of... positive emotions!" he whispered.

"You tellin' me that this situation _wasn't_ made for us to take advantage of, Perce?"

"DEMENTORS!" Percy yelled. "I THINK THERE ARE DEMENTORS."

"Dementors?" asked a strong Irish accent from the corner of the compartment. "Hold on, since when were you in here? I didn't see you come in."

"Oh god, Kathleen!" Percy said, trying to keep depressing thoughts in his mind. "Congratulations!"

"To you too!" she replied. "I heard the good news!"

"Thanks!"

"Hold on, Perce, DEMENTORS?" Oliver asked, chiming in.

"I bloody hope not," Percy said, "because I haven't been this happy in ages!"

Suddenly the compartment door swung open, and the room was filled with a chilling cold. Almost as soon as it was there, it was gone again, and all the lights were back on. The train jerked back into motion.

Percy noticed, with some dismay, that his robes were partway up his waist, and that if Oliver's hair looked like he'd just been standing in the middle of gale-force winds, then Percy's would look even worse. Kathleen began to giggle.

"What's so funny?" Percy asked, somewhat accusingly.

"You have got a _massive_ pash rash," she replied, "and your nose looks like it's just been bashed in with a brick."

"Yes, well, I tripped," Percy replied defensively.

"You _were_ tripped," Oliver corrected.

Just then, Jack came panting into their compartment. "Kathleen, are you okay? I heard - Dementors! - do you really think... ?"

"I don't know," she said, "Percy seemed to think so."

"Percy - oh, hello! You wearing lipstick, mate?"

"No, that would be dried blood," Percy replied stiffly. "If you'll excuse me, I'm just going to the bathroom to clean it off."

"I'll come," Oliver said.

As soon as they were in the bathroom, Oliver put his arms around Percy. "It's not dried blood," he said.

Percy looked in the mirror. "Do you know, I don't think it is!"

Without another word, Oliver took that as a cue to take those reddened lips and kiss their owner as though there had never been any Dementors on the train. Just like that, they forgot about everything else.

* * *

So what did you think? Whatever you thought, LEAVE A REVIEW! It makes me ever so happy. And you can get something off your chest while you're at it. :D

**Author's Notette**: That was a long one. I had so much I wanted to put in. I probably could've gone on, but I got a wee bit lazy. There's a lot of Percy musing in the first bit of this chapter, because I watched Bright Star shortly before I started writing this and it got me all poetic. (Isn't Ben Whishaw just DELICIOUS?)  
So there you have it. Not much to say. I was kinda glad that JKR never specified whether a Head Girl and Boy have to come from the same house, because Kathleen is the awesome sauce, dammit.

NEXT TIME ON _RULED BY SECRECY_: N.E.W.T.s. Angst. Dementors. Well, life just keeps getting better and better for Percy. And yet his sarcasm continues to go undetected. ;D

- _Legs_


	16. The Boys With The Thorns In Their Sides

Okay, hi again guys! Sorry about the wait! It's been a combination of lack of motivation and lack of time, thanks to the lovely benefits of being in year 11. But that doesn't matter. What matters is the HERE and the NOW and the THIS AWESOME CHAPTER. First up, thanks to **SylvanSpirit**, **ohsuchmisery**, **NATWEST**, **passionate4pens94**, **Irrelevancy**, **Schermione** and**wordsmithsonian** for reviewing, to **Commando Bunny**, **Irrelevancy** and **Schermione** for alerting, to **SylvanSpirit**, **Commando Bunny**, **Irrelevancy** and**Queen Zeppelin** for faving and finally to **Lucy-the-Starfish** and **Schermione** for author-alerting. Also a big "HI I HOPE YOU LIKE IT" to **Schermione**, because I inspired her to get writing again, and hopefully this chapter can do the same! :D

**Disclaimer**: I. Own. Nothing. :D

NOW ON WITH THE SHOW!

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16. The Boys With The Thorns In Their Sides

After the sorting and the welcoming feast, it was to Percy's extreme annoyance that he wasn't allowed to show the new Gryffindors to their dorms, but he was rather pleased upon hearing that this was given up in favour of a _special_ briefing for himself and Kathleen from Professor Dumbledore.

"Now, as the Head Boy and Girl, I'm sure you're both aware that there are special privileges afforded to you that other students are unfortunately missing out on. First of all, you will be given after-hours access to the Library, as well as access to _any_book in the Restricted Section."

Percy and Kathleen exchanged excited glances.

"You will also be given higher authority over other students. You are now able to enter the various Staff Rooms around Hogwarts, as well as refer particularly troublesome students to teachers for a punishment of your recommendation. As well as this, you will be given a skeleton key to all the doors in the school."

Kathleen looked confused. "With all due respect, sir, can't we just use _Alohomora_?"

Dumbledore smiled omnisciently. "Ah, but you underestimate the power of my enchantments, my dear girl! When I lock some of these doors, they become well and truly _locked_, and no magic can get them open. These keys, however-" he continued, removing two ornate, brass keys from mid-air, "- are seemingly-impervious to my enchantments. Rather clever, if you ask me..." he muttered absent-mindedly.

The keys fluttered over to where Percy and Kathleen were sitting, and they picked them up out of the air in front of them.

"As well as this," Dumbledore continued, "you will have a special room that is allocated to both of you in case you desire to carry out some serious deliberations, or at least get your homework done in an environment where no-one will be able to bother you."

Percy grinned widely. Yes, those were both very good reasons for having a room of the castle to themselves, but he could think of a couple more. Most of which involved Oliver, but hey - good reasons nonetheless!

"Does this prospect _excite_ you, Mister Weasley?" the Headmaster asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, yes, Sir! Very much so!" Percy squeaked, unable to contain himself.

"Very well," Dumbledore replied, "I shall not keep the two of you any longer. You may return to your dormitories for the night."

Percy and Kathleen departed, buzzing with excitement, and went their separate ways for the night.

Upon returning to his dorm, Percy found everyone to be asleep except for Daffyd, who was sitting up in bed reading.

"How's it hanging, Bighead Boy?" he asked.

"None of your business, you smarmy, Welsh git," Drunk Percy thought.

"I see the twins have been spreading about their mischief as usual," Sober Percy said aloud, keeping himself in check.

"They're geniuses, your brothers are," Daffyd said, "pity it doesn't run in the family."

Percy straightened his posture and sniffed. "You've got a funny measure of intelligence, Daffyd. I honestly can't see _either_ of them getting _twelve O.W.L.s_ this year..."

Daffyd rolled his eyes. "I still don't know how the fuck you managed to do that. I mean, Divination and all. And I thought you hated Care of Magical Creatures?"

Percy grinned and stuck his chin up into the air. "A good Ministry of Magic employee shall have the tolerance to work his way through anything, even if he does not enjoy it, and still come out on top."

"Because you're _always_ on top, aren't you?" Daffyd said snidely.

"If you're referring to-"

"You know I am."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Percy asked, getting the question he'd been meaning to ask for a good while off his chest.

"I'm nice. That's why."

"Like hell you are," Percy snapped. "Really... _why_?"

"C'n you keep a secret?" Daffyd whispered.

Percy stepped a little bit closer than, in all good sense, he probably should have, and nodded to signal that Daffyd should get on with it and just tell him.

"It's because," - his voice dropped down here - "it's because I'm thuper-duper gay for you and Oliver and I totally want to have a threesome," he lisped in an American accent.

Percy's face became contorted with rage, and unthinkingly he pulled out his wand, climbed onto Daffyd's bed and poked the aforementioned wand into the throat of the aforementioned Daffyd, clasping his other hand around Daffyd's bare neck.

"_Tell. Me._"

"You _really_ want to know?" Daffyd choked out between breaths.

"Yes."

"I'm... waiting for the right moment," he whispered wickedly.

Angrily, Percy launched himself up off the bed, and backed away towards his own. He had never felt such a burning hate as he was feeling then. It was a miracle, he thought, that none of the others had woken up in the wake of his and Daffyd's slight altercation.

Well, that was before he heard Oliver mutter "Perffy? That you?" from beneath his sheets.

Percy smiled and walked over to Oliver's bedside, sitting himself on the edge and running a hand absently through his hair. "We can't just keep wiping his memories, can we?" he asked softly.

"No..." Oliver mumbled, "I suppose it isn't right, is it?"

He sat himself up in bed and turned to face Daffyd's bed, where he lay gasping for breath.

"Not really," Percy replied, smiling slightly.

"No, I suppose we really shouldn't..." Oliver said, eyeing Percy's wand.

Percy's eyes followed Oliver's with a wicked glint. "Then again, we should _really_ do some more things as a couple..."

Their hands closed on the wand at the same time. Before either of them could push the other away, Percy was on top of Oliver and their lips were pressed tightly together. It took Oliver briefly opening his eyes after a minute or so to see Daffyd, Thom _and_ Jack standing over them with looks of amusement, disgust and pity respectively on their faces.

"_Accio_ Percy's wand!" Daffyd said, snatching up the wand and twirling it in his fingers. "Looks like _our_ memories won't be going _anywhere_."

xxx

Percy was starting to wonder whether _everyone's_ life was this bad. His Head Boy badge had been bewitched several times - by the twins and Daffyd - and he was contemplating just how he was going to stop word from getting around about himself and Oliver. It had been some weeks now since Thom had found out - and now a grand total of _five_ people knew. This simply would not do.

As he made his way down the bustling corridor to the special Head Boy/Girl room, he overheard some fourth-years giggling about him.

"_Gives_ Head Boy!" one laughed, "that's fuckin' brilliant!"

Another, confused, replied "What's so funny about that?"

The others just rolled their eyes, before taking a couple of cheap shots at their friend's ignorance. Glad that they had something else to laugh about, Percy continued on down the corridor, removing his bewitched badge as he went, mindful of the torture he'd incur if someone in his _own_ year saw what Daffyd had done to it.

When he arrived at the room, he saw that Kathleen and Penelope were inside, poring over a magazine together.

Penelope giggled. "Oh, god! I can't believe he really said that to her!"

"Neither!" Kathleen agreed. "What a loser!"

"Oh my god," Percy chimed in, sounding a hell of a lot more camp than he probably intended to be, "I can't believe that this office is being used for such _trivial_ purposes!"

Kathleen looked up and rolled her eyes. "Where _else_ do you suggest we read _Witch Weekly_? All the other girls in our house are so interested in studying and stuff... we _need_ somewhere to gossip, Percy!"

Relcutantly, Percy replied "Fine. But if you distract me from my _studies_, then I'm afraid I'll be forced to tell you to take your gossiping elsewhere."

"Hey, Head Boy, I've got two bottles of Meade and a - oh, hi," Oliver said, stumbling through the door with perfect comic timing.

"What was that you were saying about your _studies_?" Penelope asked with a laugh.

"Yes, quite, Oliver, what _are_ you doing here?" Percy said, giving Oliver a scathing look.

Oliver blushed, and quickly shoved something into his back trouser pocket. "Just droppin' by to say hi!"

Percy raised an eyebrow. "I highly doubt that."

"Oh, but, hey," Penelope cut in, "now that we're all together I've got something to tell you! Remember, Percy, how you said that you thought Peter might be gay?"

Kathleen and Oliver both gave Percy strange looks at this, but Penelope didn't notice and kept going.

"So I finally worked up the courage to ask him whether it was true, and he completely _broke down_!"

"WHAT?" Percy asked, shocked.

"Yeah, I know! He told me that it had started last year when one of your brothers - I forget which one - asked him on a date!"

"I remember that!" Oliver said, a look of amusement on his face, "Angelina was telling me - Fred was dared to ask out the girliest-looking guy he could find!"

"Yeah, that was it," Penelope said. "Well, anyway, Peter really took to Fred, and, well, he didn't tell me much else. But it was a bit intense, from what I gather."

Percy stood stark-still, red in the face. He was thinking something along the lines of: _Honestly? I was only_joking_when I said that I thought Peter was gay... I never actually expected... and FRED? What the hell?_

"If you'll excuse me," he said through gritted teeth, "I have a _brother_ to go and talk to."

The other three naturally followed on as Percy barged out of the office, and as Kathleen and Penelope stood behind giggling, Oliver caught up with Percy.

"Now, now, Perce, not going all homophobic on me, are you?"

Percy flushed. "Of _course_ not! It's just that... I'm his _brother_! I need to... I need to _talk_ to him about it! He needs to know that..."

"That he's not alone?"

"Shut up," Percy mumbled. "It's not that simple. I just need to talk to him."

When they reached the common room, Percy found Fred chatting with George, Angelina and some other female arm-candy. "He always _seemed_ so straight," Percy thought aloud as he approached the twins.

"Fred, I need to have a little chat with you," he began.

"Chat away!" Fred exclaimed happily.

"In _private_," Percy hissed, looking intensely serious.

Fred scoffed. "I doubt that this lot'll mind if you scold me in front of them!"

Realising that the only way Fred would ever learn was through public humiliation, Percy simply stood where he was and said one word: "Peter."

Turning red, Fred pushed Percy away from the crowd. "How the _fuck_ do you know about that, Percy?" he snarled.

"I'm _Head Boy_, Fred, I know _everything_," he stated simply.

Fred grimaced. "Look, it started out as a dare, okay?"

"I heard," Percy replied, before doing a bit of a double take. "_Started out_?"

"Look, don't give me the whole 'disgracing the family' talk, Percy. Just 'cause I'm attracted to men-"

Percy's eyes widened. "You _ARE_?"

Fred frowned. "Percy, why are you even asking me about Peter if you're not insinuating-"

"Because up until a moment ago he had a _girlfriend_, Fred! And if you and he are... you know..."

"An item?"

"Yeah, an _item_."

"Well, we sorta are, okay? So just deal with it. Just... just don't fucking tell mum and dad, okay? They'd do their nuts if they knew I was a bit of a bender."

Percy nodded, much to Fred's surprise. "Of course I wouldn't tell them."

"Yeah, like you didn't tell them about your _girlfriend_!"

Percy laughed somewhat bitterly. "Give it up, Fred. Penny is_just_ a friend."

"Totally. Of course she is."

Changing the topic, Percy turned the focus back on to Fred now. "So anyway, if you're into men-"

"I'm into women _too_, you arse."

"I never said you weren't. I'm just interested to know; is George... ?"

Fred laughed. "Nah, he's as straight as it gets. Most of the time."

Percy sighed. It was impossible to get a straight answer out of that boy... no pun intended.

"So why do you care anyway?" Fred asked.

"You're my _brother_! Is that not reason enough?"

"Yeah, well... you're completely..." here, Fred paused, searching for the right word, "_sexless_! I mean, why do you care who I'm with?"

"If I'm so sexless, then how come you think I've got a girlfriend?"

"I don't know, but you're so sexless you keep bloody denying it!"

"Yeah, okay," Percy muttered to himself, "so how have you and Peter managed to keep this all such a big secret? I mean, I'd have thought we'd all know sooner."

"As you said, brother, he had a girlfriend."

Suddenly, Percy saw a way he could _finally_ prove the whole "girlfriend" thing wrong.

"Yeah, and you know who that was?"

"Who?

"Penelope Clearwater."

Fred laughed a little nervously. "Sure, Percy. You're part of a threesome with Penelope and Peter. Sure."

"Well, of course I'm not. She's _not_ my girlfriend, Fred."

"Hah," Fred said, his face taking on a rather "I know something you don't know!" expression. "Then how come Ginny caught you two _snogging_ in a classroom last year?"

Whatever wisecrack Percy had been preparing froze in the back of his throat. "W- _what_? She... _what_?"

_Oh god_, he thought, _of course she did! But I swore her to secrecy... so..._

"Got you there, loverboy! You were, weren't you?"

"Yes, look, okay," Percy began, stuttering slightly, "we _did_... I mean, we _were_ snogging in a classroom once. ONCE. OKAY? And it wasn't what was best for us, so we've gone back to being friends and if you so much as mention this in passing to _anyone_ you may rest assured in the knowledge that within an hour the whole _school_ will know about your little fling with Peter!"

Fred paled slightly, but kept his cool. "Okay, you've got yourself a deal. But if you think I'm gonna stop telling everyone that she's your girlfriend, then you've got another thing coming." With that, he turned and headed back to the group, Percy following. Percy opened his mouth to say something, but by then they were within earshot of everybody else.

"What was all that about?" Angelina asked.

"Oh, Percy was just being a twat about some little dare or other that I did last year," he said nonchalantly.

Percy gritted his teeth. "I-"

Before anything serious could happen, Oliver cut in, mindful of Angelina's attachment to the twins. "Hey, Perce, I need some help with an essay. Reckon you could come help me out up in the dorm?"

"Gladly, Oliver," Percy said, happy to get away.

As they turned and walked away, George called out "Hey Oliver, what're those in your back pocket?"

Oliver immediately flung his hand to his pocket, groping his own bottom in the dawning realisation that he had mistakenly tucked a part of his robes into the pocket, making the little plastic squares sitting there visible for all to see. He wondered why no-one had pointed it out before.

"Nothing!" he replied unthinkingly.

"Really?" George asked, "Because, thanks to my dad, I know a lot more than people think I do about Muggles, and to me those really look like-"

"Okay, you got me!" Oliver said, sounding resigned, and putting his hands out in front of him defensively. "I smuggled in a couple of packs of Muggle candy."

Fred and George exchanged looks. "I thought they looked more like _condoms_!" Fred blurted out.

Red in the face, Oliver spun around and glared at the twins, whilst pulling his robe back into place. "What'd make you think _that_?"

The twins looked at each other, rolled their eyes and laughed.

"Never mind," George answered dismissively, "you go off and do your essay..."

Still blushing, Oliver bustled off to do just that, dragging a confused-looking Percy along by the sleeve.

When they got up to their dorm, Oliver rummaged through his desk drawer for his Walkman, and put the headphones on. "The Smiths," he said, "are the _best_ cure for sadness of any kind!"

When Percy didn't reply, he went on. "The Boy With The Thorn In His Side. That song always feels like it's about me. I don't know. There's just... something about it, I guess!"

He took the headphones off and put them on Percy's ears, but Percy didn't seem entirely interested. Frowning, Oliver took the headphones back and turned the music off.

"What's the matter, Perce? Something on your mind?"

Indeed, there _was_ something on Percy's mind. He had never shown as much interest in Muggles as his brothers had, and despite paying attention in Muggle Studies, he'd never heard _that_ word before. But it had sounded so sinister, the way Fred had said it. Maybe it was some kind of drug... or an illegal Muggle tool... there was simply no use in guessing; he had to ask.

"Oliver, what are _condoms_?"

So what did you all think? Why don't you leave a review? It'll not only give me some helpful feedback but will earn you a mention at the beginning of Chapter Seventeen McAwesomesauce. :)

* * *

**Author's Quick Little Grumpy Rant**: DID YOU KNOW? JKR IS EVIL! A friend of mine introduced me to the wonder that is the HP Lexicon, and it's been helpful for my chronology skills. But then I found something out... PENELOPE IS ACTUALLY IN PERCY'S YEAR! I was flabbergasted! Apparently it was a typo in CoS saying that she was a 5th year! So now RBS is not canon. Sorry guys. I know. I'm cut too. D:

Until we meet again,

-_Legs_

NEXT TIME ON _RULED BY SECRECY_: Percy gets _**THE TALK**__**.**_


	17. Sex, Actually

Whoa. Ok, so Chapter 16 got a bit of a massive response from you guys. Was it something I said? XD

Anyway, here are the super-long thanks: **Irrelevancy**_,_ **Remus-Chocolade**, **Schermione**, **Miss Chant**, **passionate4pens94**, **Gabriel Tunichtgut**, **NekoDoodle** (x2), **little-stone-owl** and **Nikki Diamond**(x7) for the reviews, **WingMirrorPicture**, **Miss Chant**,**luvlybubbles**, **deskrabbit**, **Bhel-Elryss** and **little-stone-owl** for alerting, **Miss Chant**, **WingMirrorPict ure**, **friedie**, **NekoDoodle** and **little-stone-owl** for faving, **NekoDoodle** and **Sunfall E** for author-alerting and **Nikki Diamond**for author-faving. You guys are the absolute living end. :')

I hope you enjoy chapter 17! :D

**Disclaimer**: Not mine. Harry Potter would reach NEW DIZZYING HEIGHTS OF SLASHYNESS if I was JKR. Which I am not. Boo hoo.

* * *

17. Sex, Actually.

Oliver was going crazy. The Gryffindor/Slytherin Quidditch match was fast approaching, and most of his spare time was devoted to training or practising or strategising or avoiding telling Percy what condoms are.

Percy was going crazy. He had several essays due, and most of his spare time was devoted to drafting or editing or spell-checking or pestering Oliver to tell him what condoms are.

But things were looking up for this pair of hopeless lovers; the first Hogsmeade visit of the year was coming up, Oliver's team were the strongest they had ever been and Percy had checked a "Muggle Studies Advanced" textbook out of the library.

When Oliver wasn't strategising for Quidditch, he was working on an entirely different game-plan. On the Saturday of the Hogsmeade visit, he would take Percy on the best damn date he would _ever_ have. _EVER_. It started with a trip to the Three Broomsticks, then there was some stuff that might happen in the middle which kinda sorta didn't matter, and it ended with a shag in the Head Boy/Girl office whilst everybody else were stuffing their faces at the Halloween Feast.

Okay, so it was a bit of an ill-thought-out plan. Oliver would be the first to acknowledge that. So he did what any sensible young man would do - he went and asked a _girl_ for advice. Of course, because they know _everything_ about boys!

And if there was one girl who was a specialist on boys (emphasis on the plural here) of the Weasley species, it was one Angelina Johnson, star chaser of the Gryffindor Quidditch team and personal confidante of Oliver Wood, love-struck and confused like nobody's business.

Oliver found Angelina in her usual habitat by the fireplace in the common room one sunny Wednesday afternoon, and decided to make a beeline for her with a list of questions on the tip of his tongue.

"Ange! How're you this fine day?"

"Watch out," Angelina joked, "Oliver's not talking about Quidditch! What could he want _now_?"

Oliver sat himself down on the arm of Angelina's chair. "Oh, just a chat..."

"In other words?"

"I need some advice. Hardcore."

"Do go on."

"It's Hogsmeade this weekend, right? So I'm planning to take Percy on the most _fantastic_ date _ever_. And I need advice."

Angelina paused momentarily, thinking it over. "Well, speaking as someone who barely knows Percy, I've only got _one_ piece of advice."

"Go."

"Don't even go _near_ Madame Puddifoot's."

"Done, and done!" Oliver said, grinning.

"And, uh... don't get all cuddly in public. Seriously. The twins would beat the living daylights out of you."

"Either that or tease me with it for the rest of my life, making me a complete misery unable to procure a job or anything."

"Well, basically," Angelina said flippantly, belying the gravity of these implications.

"Anything else?" Oliver asked.

Again, Angelina was silent in thought. "I'm presuming he's the girl in your relationship?"

Oliver looked confused. "We're both male, Ange..."

"Yeah, but you top, don't you?"

"Oh, uh..." he stammered, "I don't know. I've never really thought about it. And it's not like we've... you know..."

"Of course," Angelina said sympathetically, "so I'll just presume that he's the girl."

"He's n-"

"Do you want this advice or not?"

Oliver kept his mouth shut wisely.

"Girls like being bought things. Nothing too ostentatious in your case; nothing that would advertise that he's taken, so to speak. Maybe something small, like chocolates, or, I don't know, booze? Does he drink?"

"Uh, not really. Only when he's in the right mood."

Angelina cringed. "Look, I don't want to know. Just go with the flow, yeah? Do what you feel is right."

Oliver nodded. "Thanks for the advice, Ange! Now, if you'll excuse me, I've just seen the World's Sexiest Ginger heading up to our dorm..."

"That's debatable..." Angelina muttered as Oliver jumped off calling out to Percy.

xxx

Percy sat at his desk staring into his Potions textbook. "Some of the more common usages of hemlock in potion-making include _blah blah blah I don't really care_, however, it can also be used for _making Kathleen and Penny shut up about Myron Wagtail's latest girlfriend_. This is not to be advised, however, as _getting those two out of the office_ is a highly dangerous task and is not to be undertaken without great safety precautions."

"Like, she's not even pretty or anything!" Penelope exclaimed angrily.

"Oh, come on, now, she's not _bad_-looking! I mean, her hair is quite nice-"

"Are you _serious_? It's like a shrunken Hippogriff crawled onto her head, had a toilet break and then died!"

"Ladies, would it _kill_ you to tone it down a little?" Percy snapped. "Some of us are trying to _study_."

In response, they just glared at Percy and went on arguing in hushed tones.

"Hemlock is also notable for its use in the _gosh I wonder what a condom is_ potion. One should experiment with_checking in that Muggle Studies textbook_ in order to get the best results. This potion, however, has the unfortunate side effect of _gee wouldn't it be great if it said 'getting everything to disappear except for yourself and the love of your life for a little while'_ incontinence for the subject. _Well, that was disappointing_."

"Oh, I've got to go!" Kathleen said suddenly. "I was going to meet Jack in the library!"

"Alright, see you 'round!" Penelope said, waving.

Percy nodded slightly and murmured "G'bye..."

After Kathleen had left, Penelope returned to her copy of _Witch Weekly_ and Percy to his Potions textbook. "Holly bark can be used for _a Hogsmeade weekend. I wonder whether Oliver will be training or not._ Due to its strength as a material, it is also a good idea_for us to maybe... go on a date, or something..._"

"Penny?" Percy asked suddenly.

"Mmm?" she grunted, still absorbed in the magazine.

"I want to take Oliver on a date this Saturday."

This was enough to cause Penelope to look up with a start. "Well, gosh, Percy. What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm asking you."

"You're asking me?"

"Yes, rather. I think it's safe to assume that you know a _lot_ more about dating than I do."

Penelope got a wicked glint in her eye. "Oh, you've come to the right place, my friend!" With that, she grabbed a piece off the top of Percy's pile of parchment and began to scribble a map of Hogsmeade on it.

"Right. You start at the Three Broomsticks, marked here with an 'A', and stay there for a few good minutes. The atmosphere is nice, good to start a date with."

Percy wondered with a sudden pang if this was what was going through Penelope's mind on _their_ first date.

"Then you go browse some shops. That kills time for a little bit. Also doesn't look like you're on a date, seeing as you and Oliver are still keeping yourselves to yourselves, mostly. And after that, it should be late afternoon. Then, Kathleen will be conveniently somewhere or other with Jack so you two'll have this room free."

Percy blushed at what Penelope was insinuating. "Is that it?"

"That's the basic gist of it. You can tweak it to fit your own wishes and desires as you see fit. But I've drawn out your basic route on this map, so keep it handy."

Percy looked at the map of Hogsmeade. Sure enough, there was an "A" at the Three Broomsticks, with a line going from it through various shops, and then into a squiggle at the bottom of the parchment, marked with the words "NAUGHTY STUFF" and a colon followed by a closed-bracket. Oh, wait. It was a smiley-face.

"Well, uh, thanks for this, Penny," Percy said to the grinning Penelope, "I'll make sure to use it wisely."

Checking his wristwatch, he noticed that he really ought to be in his dorm by now, and gathered up his papers and textbooks. "I'll be heading off now."

"Yeah, me too. See you tomorrow."

"See you then."

When Percy got back to the common room, he saw Oliver sitting by the fireside chatting to Angelina, and stood for a moment watching him. Oliver caught his eye and bounded up, dashing over to where he was.

"Evening, darling," Oliver whispered as they made their way up the stairs, "how's it going?"

"Alright; you?"

"I'm good, yeah."

When upon entering their dorm, they found it to be unoccupied, Oliver pinned Percy down to his bed. As he leant in for a kiss, Percy struggled a hand out from under Oliver's grasp and shoved it between their mouths.

"Not until you tell me what condoms are."

Oliver grinned wickedly. "No chance."

"Well, then," Percy said, wrestling out from beneath Oliver, "no snogging."

xxx

Can you possibly imagine being in a relatively heavy-duty relationship and then having all of your privileges cut off for two-and-a-bit days? Well, that was the situations that Oliver was in. And he was beginning to discover just what a tease Percy actually was.

So, on Saturday morning, he decided that he was going to have to put a stop to all of this, once and for all. For good. Completely and utterly. Oliver Wood was going to get laid. Big-time.

"Ah, Percy, there you are! I was just going to-"

"Oliver! I need to ask you something!"

"Uh, can it wait a little? I have to-"

"NO! We've never been on a _proper_ date. So today we're going to go to the Three Broomsticks and then we're going to go to some shops and then we're going to come back to the castle and ta-"

Here, Percy took a piece of parchment out of his pocket, briefly consulted it, and continued.

"- and take advantage of the fact that there won't be anyone in the Head Boy office!"

Dumbfounded, Oliver grinned a little stupidly. "Can't argue with that," he replied, linking his arm through Percy's and dragging him out of their quiet part of the deserted corridor and down to Hogsmeade.

The Three Broomsticks was absolutely packed, which was a mixed blessing, because there were more people to see if Oliver "accidentally" slipped his hands down Percy's robes, but then again, there was more for them to concentrate on, other than two seventh years chatting in the corner.

And the corner was where they chatted. Well, if you could call Oliver constantly nattering on about Quidditch and Percy complaining about the lack of respect for authority these days "chatting". Quite the odd couple.

Unfortunately for them, their strange semblance of peace was interrupted by two very noisy entities indeed.

"How's it hanging, Bighead Boy?" George shouted, pulling up a chair at the table.

"How's your _girlfriend_?" Fred added slyly, also sitting himself down.

Percy shot him a deathly glare. "She is _not_ my girlfriend, Fred," he said angrily.

"Sure. And I suppose _Oliver_ is?"

Percy blushed, but the twins didn't noticed, as Oliver cut in here. "You two can just piss off now, okay? Perce and I are in the middle of a _serious_ conversation here."

The twins laughed.

"Serious; as if!" Fred laughed.

"Hey, hang on. You called him _Perce_!" George said, amused.

"Yeah, so what?" Oliver said defensively.

"By now, you would've been beaten up!" Fred said. "Hey, _Perce_, why haven't you beaten Oliver up yet?"

"I, uh... OLIVER! Don't call me that," Percy said, trying to patch up that little slip. But to no avail.

"You've stopped caring!"

"By George, George! He has!"

The best part of the next fifteen minutes was spent with the twins taunting a "head-in-hand-on-table-oh-please-stop" Percy, with Oliver constantly telling them to shut the hell up, they were being bastards. You can imagine just how successful that was.

By the time the twins had exhausted their taunts and gone off to bugger around with someone else, Percy was emotionally exhausted and on the verge of tears, and Oliver decided that it was time to take this date by the balls and show it a good time, goddamnit!

So he took Percy by the hand (you dirty person - what were YOU thinking?) and escorted him to Honeyduke's, where he proceeded to act on Angelina's advice.

"What's your posion?" Oliver asked once they were inside.

Percy looked confused. "I, uh..."

"What sort of sweets do you like?" Oliver asked, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, uh... well, I rather fancy Acid Drops, to tell you the truth..."

Nodding, Oliver got a pack of Acid Drops of a brightly-coloured shelf and - wait for it - _bought_ them, much to Percy's horror!

"Oliver, what are you doing?"  
Oliver gave Percy a look that said "You're an idiot - but I love you anyway". "I'm buying them for you, Perce."

"... why?"

"We-ell, because you like them," Oliver said slowly, thinking it would have been obvious.

"Oh. Okay," Percy said, resigned to the fact. "Do you want to, maybe, uh... head back to the castle now?"

Instantly picking up on the flirty tone in Percy's voice, Oliver pocketed the Acid Drops as they headed out of Honeyduke's and replied with a very affirmitive indeed "you're on!"

It was getting late by the time they made it back, and preparations for the Halloween feast were already well underway. The Great Hall was in the process of being decorated by a dedicated group of Fifth Year Charms students from Ravenclaw who had given up their precious Hogsmeade trip to get extra House Points from Flitwick if they did a good job.

Oliver and Percy, however, were headed straight for the Head Boy/Girl office. As soon as they were in, Oliver shut the door with such force that the slam could probably be heard all the way in the dungeons, and immediately made for Percy.

"What did I tell you, Oliver?" Percy scolded. "No snogging unless you tell me what condoms are."

Suddenly, Oliver got a very lascivious glint in his eyes, upon remembering that he was wearing the same pants that he had been the other day. And they hadn't been washed or cleaned. He reached into his back pocket and took out one of the small, plastic squares that had been sitting in there for far too long. He held it out in front of Percy's face, grinning.

"How about I _show_ you?"

xxx

Percy lay collapsed on the floor of his office. As Penelope had promised, he and Oliver had the place to themselves that afternoon. Percy had been planning some _serious_ snogging, but Oliver had other ideas. And, boy, was Percy glad that he decided to go with Oliver's plan instead. He didn't even care that he'd missed the Halloween feast.

He hoped that no-one had heard anything - in their excitement, both boys had forgotten to cast the necessary silencing charms. There were several points (that Percy could call to mind at that particular moment) at which an innocent passer-by might've thought there was a murder being committed or something.

Yeah, they were _that_ loud.

Suddenly, from outside, Percy heard yells that sounded a lot like what might've been happening in the office earlier, except a lot more fearful and a lot less orgasmic.

Getting up from the floor and putting their clothes back on hurriedly, Percy and Oliver looked outside to see what was going on. People were running away from the Gryffindor Tower looking confused. As Percy got closer, he saw a great crowd of people around the entrance to the Gryffindor common room.

"What the _hell_ is going on here?" he asked Oliver, who shrugged in answer.

"Right, that's it," Percy muttered to himself. "Let me through, please," he called out, pushing his way through a gaggle of people much shorter and much less important than him. "What's the hold-up here? You can't _all_ have forgotten the password..."

When a couple of first years stood still were they were, he added "excuse me, I'm Head Boy..."

They parted for him, of course. When Percy reached the portrait hole, however, he was met with a confronting sight. The Fat Lady's portrait had been slashed at and torn up viciously, and she herself was nowhere to be seen. Keeping his composure, Percy called out "Somebody get Professor Dumbledore. Quick."

Percy shoved his way out of the crowd.

"What's happening?" Oliver asked.

"The Fat Lady - she's been attacked!"

"Merlin!" Oliver yelled.

Just then, Professor Dumbledore came bustling up.

Not paying much attention to what was happening, Oliver said "this is _brilliant_."

"How so?" Percy asked.

"If we can't get into the common room, then we _might_ just have to spend the night in your office!"

"Oh _no_," Percy said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "_What_ a pity..."

* * *

Hehe, so what did you think? Think I'm a pussy and should've written a proper lemon, goddamnit? Think I got it just right? Think ANYTHING? Leave a review! You're guaranteed a reply. :)

**Author's Note**: That chapter took a while. To think of, that is. It took no time at all to write, because once I had my ideas in place, everything else just sorta... happened. And I reckon it paid off.  
To my good friend who doesn't have fanfiction but follows this story nonetheless (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!): YES. YES THEY DID. AREN'T YOU GLAD?  
And to absolutely EVERYONE who follows this fic: I was OVERWHELMED by your response to Chapter 16. Let's see if you can beat your own record - RBS currently has the third-most reviews of any Percy/Oliver fic (or something like that - IDK)... COULD IT GET ANY BIGGER? I'd love it if I did. It makes me feel so good to know that all you people love reading what I put my "I should really be doing homework" time into, and all of your feedback is greatly appreciated. (Then again, if you spam me with reviews, I'll be a little annoyed. This is mainly a plea to my watchers who don't review/haven't reviewed in a while/HAVEN'T EVEN ALERTED!)

Lots of love,

- _Legs_

NEXT TIME ON _RULED BY SECRECY_: Percy and Oliver lament that their sleepover _has_ to be in the Great Hall. 's pocket stash of condoms are feeling unloved. ;)


	18. Psycho killer, qu'estce que c'est?

Hi all! Sorry about the wait... I know, it seems like forever since I last updated to me too! But I've worked really hard to finish this chapter, and hopefully you'll enjoy it! I think I've totally got my bent back, so expect more. Some time. :P

Now for the thanks: to **SylvanSpirit**, **Nikki Diamond**(x2), **Schermione**, **little-stone-owl**, **dearmanica**, **deskrabbit**, **Remus-Chocolade**, **passionate4pens94**, **MatthewMalfoy** and **Hester Golem** for reviewing, to **DanScott**, **GayRon**, **5redroses**, **MatthewMalfoy**,**DWatts1027**, **ryuu-bushi**and **Tragoudi** for story alerting, to **Littlebowpeep**, **MatthewMalfoy and DWatts1027** for faving, and to **Nikki Diamond** and **BrittLei** for author-alerting. Also thanks to everyone who read and enjoyed my one-shot "_Trouble In Paradise_". :)

**Disclaimer**: None of this is mine. Except for the bits that are. Yeah. :')

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18. Psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est?

The Fat Lady had been attacked, and there was _no way_ that the Gryffindor students could spend the night in their dorms. They couldn't even get in! So, while most of the students were groaning and moaning about not being able to get into their comfortable beds and the shocking possibility of having to share a dorm with some _other_ house, Percy and Oliver were exchanging looks of absolute, unadulterated glee at the opportunity to spend the night together in the Head Boy/Girl office.

However, two words were to spoil their rather fantastic plans: Sirius Black.

Peeves, ever the trouble-maker, came rattling onto the scene to gloat at Dumbledore. He had spoken to the Fat Lady, and she had told him who it was. Sirius bloody Black.

"Right," Dumbledore said, his face drawn and harried, "to the Great Hall!"

There was a trample of Gryffindors as they made their way hastily to the Hall. Peeves had spoken loudly, so almost the whole House had heard. And those who'd missed what he said knew soon enough. Sirius Black, the murderous Azkaban-escapee, was on the loose in Hogwarts - you couldn't get much bigger news than that.

As the students made their way down to the Hall, Oliver pulled Percy aside from the crowd. "Perce," he whispered, "now's our chance! Let's just slink off now, and..."

"No, Oliver!" Percy whispered back, more harshly than he had intended to. "I mean, this is _Sirius Black_ we're talking about. This is _Head Boy business_."

Despite his evident disappointment, Oliver laughed. How like Percy to be worried about his duties at a time like this, even though it prevented a marvellous opportunity to spend some quality time together. Read "spend some quality time" as "take all their clothes off and get dirty".

Instead, they made their way down to the hall, where Dumbledore installed himself at the front in clear view of all the students, a group which now included the Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and Slytherins, pouring confusedly into the Hall.

"The teachers and I need to conduct a thorough search of the castle," he began. "I'm afraid that, for your own safety, you will have to spend the night here. I want the Prefects to stand guard over the entrances to the Hall and I am leaving the Head Boy and Girl in charge."

Percy puffed up smugly, and Oliver had to contain his amusement. _Percy is so_cute_when he gets all Head-Boy-y_, he thought.

"Any disturbance should be reported to me," Dumbledore said in an aside to Percy, who turned absolutely red with pride. "Send word with one of the ghosts."

Percy smiled and nudged Oliver cheerily. "Did you hear that, Oliver? _I'm_ in charge!"

"There's a psycho on the loose in the castle and can't have sex in the middle of the Great Hall, now, can we?"

"Yes, but _I'm in charge_!"

Oliver had to restrain himself from throwing Percy to the floor there and then. Maybe it was just the leftover-hormones from that afternoon talking, but he was finding himself more and more in love with Percy every minute. The way he discarded everything else when there was a Head Boy duty to perform made Oliver's skin tingle. Perhaps it was the enthusiasm that radiated from Percy that made Oliver, for want of a more tasteful word, horny.

As Dumbledore exited the Hall, he added, as an afterthought, "Oh, yes, you'll be needing..."

He flicked his wand, and the long dining tables, barely abandoned from the Halloween feast, flocked to the edges of the Hall and were replaced by what seemed to be endless purple sleeping bags.

"Sleep well," Dumbledore said as he walked out through a doorway already guarded by a pair of zealous Hufflepuff Prefects.

Oliver's mind lit up with a myriad possible uses for those sleeping bags, most of which revolved around one central theme that I'm sure you don't need spelled out for you by now, but which were repelled by Percy shouting "Everyone in their sleeping bags! Come on now, no talking! Lights out in ten minutes!"

"Even _me_?" Oliver asked plaintively, slipping an arm around Percy's shoulder - he didn't notice, he was too busy glaring at small children and generally asserting his authority.

"_Especially_ you," Percy replied, batting Oliver's arm away as Kathleen walked over towards them.

"Go on, get your beauty sleep, Quidditch boy," she said. Oliver poked his tongue out at her, before skulking off to find somewhere to sleep where he'd have the best view of Percy. The Head Boy and Girl walked off together to a quieter part of the Hall, where they'd have the best view of those damn trouble-makin' Slytherin numbskulls.

As they watched over their flock, so to speak, Kathleen and Percy chatted lightly amongst themselves.

"You're looking happy lately," Kathleen remarked off-handedly, "would I be right in saying that it's partly down to Oliver?"

Percy blushed, and didn't reply, but his smile betrayed his emotions.

"I'll take that as a yes," Kathleen muttered. "You're good for each other."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that I'm good for him," Percy said with honest modesty (obviously, he didn't know the extent of Oliver's passions). "I know that _he's_ good for me, though."

"It shows," Kathleen replied, "and you're wrong, by the way."

"No, I'm not!" Percy said reflexively.

"You are! You're wrong to say that you're no good for Oliver! Don't you see how he changes when you're around?"

"Believe it or not, Kathleen, I'm not around to see him when I'm not there!"

"Very funny, Percy. You know what I mean. He's happier. He's more focused on you that he is on Quidditch, even!"

Percy laughed bitterly. "That'll be - hey, you kids there, keep it down! - that'll be the day, Kathleen."

"I'm a _Ravenclaw_, Percy, I'm _smart_. I notice these things."

Percy, red in the face, chose to ignore Kathleen, and instead shout at the two little Slytherin girls who had been giggling about the attack on the Fat Lady, which, of course, _they_ would think to be amusing.

Suddenly, Kathleen took a sharp turn away from the Slytherin area to a door being guarded by some of her fellow Ravenclaws. Percy followed, slightly annoyed at being dragged off from his duty, but certain that Kathleen would've had good reason. "Penny," she whispered, "I need your totally honest and reliable opinion on something. Can I trust you with that?"

Penelope nodded. "You can count on me, Kath!"

"On a scale of one to Quidditch, how much would you say that Oliver loves Percy?"

Redder than red, Percy suddenly paled. "_Love_ is such a strong word, Kathleen..."

"Shut up," she said bluntly, "and grow a pair. Strong men don't fear strong words."

"I think," Penelope said, interrupting before Percy could offer a retort to Kathleen's insinuation that he had very small testicles, "I think that Percy's off the scale."

"What's _that_ meant to mean?" Percy asked, eyebrows raised comically.

"It means he bloody wants to shag your brains out," Kathleen said, ever the pragmatist, "and when he does, we can safely say that it'll be better than Quidditch."

"Really?" Percy said, running a hand through his hair nervously. "In that case, you'd better ask _him_."

"Ask him _what_?" Penelope asked, confused.

"Well, uh... whether it's better than Quidditch."

The girls' faces lit up. "You _didn't_!" Penelope said, even though she had full-well worked out the answer for herself.

"We, uh... well..." Percy stammered.

"_That's_ what they were doing during the Halloween feast!" Kathleen exclaimed. "Well, in that case, I think we'd better pay our good friend Oliver a visit!"

Before Percy could say "How about we DON'T", Kathleen was off again, and Percy dashed along behind her hopelessly. At least if he were there, Kathleen might not say anything _too_ lewd.

Or not.

"Oliver!" she whispered sharply, kneeling down by his purple sleeping bag. Of course, seeing as she was talking directly to Oliver, Angelina, Katie and Alicia (who were "sleeping" near Oliver) simply _had_ to listen as well!

"What?" Oliver muttered grumpily. Unlike most, he actually _was_trying to sleep. However, upon seeing Percy cowering behind Kathleen, his expression brightened significantly.

"I've got a question for you, young man," Kathleen said scoldingly, in what would have been a perfect impersonation of Professor McGonnagal but for the Irish accent. "Did you deflower this poor boy here behind me?"

The three chasers giggled. Oliver turned his head and glared at them, before turning back to Kathleen. "I don't know what you're talking about," he replied calmly, raising his eyebrows.

Kathleen nodded. "Of course you don't. I was just kidding around."

Percy breathed out in relief. Oliver wasn't going to spill their secret _just_ yet. He smiled at Oliver, and Oliver smiled back.

"That's _gross_, Kathleen!" Alicia said, wrinkling her nose up. Katie laughed, but Angelina cast a worried look at Oliver. If that was how a _Gryffindor_ reacted, imagine what a _Slytherin_ would do!

Of course Angelina knew; she was Oliver's confidante. But Percy didn't know that she knew. Picking up on the awkwardness of the situation, Percy dragged Kathleen away, mumbling something about needing to continue doing their duties.

"Shit," Kathleen muttered, when they were well away, "that didn't exactly go to plan!"

"You could say that," Percy replied sarcastically.

By three in the morning, the next day, the whole Hall was asleep, bar a few. Kathleen had given up on patrolling and was now slumped against the wall in the corner trying her very hardest to stay awake. A couple of the Prefects at the doors were still awake – they had realised quite early on that it would be easier to take it in turns to sleep, but some had just never woken up.

The only person still fully alert was Percy, who had decided that best way to stay awake would be to walk around the Hall looking important whilst penning a letter to his parents outlining the events of the day to them.

Eventually, Dumbledore returned to inform Percy (feeling like the most important person in the world) of the situation. Sirius Black was nowhere to be found, and the Fat Lady was safe. It seemed as though everything would go back to normal now.

Needless to say, they didn't. The whole school was flapping with rumours and conspiracy theories about Sirius Black and his motives for entering Hogwarts, as well as numerous possibilities for how he could've gotten in, most of which were utter nonsense. And to top it all off, Sir Cadogan had taken over the Gryffindor portrait hole. A more annoying oil painting you would never find.

The Friday of that week was a busy day. Percy had a fair few free periods, most of which were spent studying or working on fifth-drafts of essays. Plus, his parents had written telling him to keep an eye on Harry. As if he didn't already have enough on his plate.

That afternoon, however, Kathleen managed to catch him and Oliver alone for a brief moment before Percy went back to work and Oliver disappeared to Quidditch practise for five or so hours. They were in the Head Boy/Girl room, and Oliver was pacing up and down, ranting to Percy when Kathleen walked in.

"What's going on?" she asked exuberantly, "why didn't you lock the door?"

"Very funny!" Oliver snapped. He was red in the face, and if he were a cartoon character, would've had as much smoke billowing from his ears as a steam train from London to Glasgow would.

Percy got up from his desk and wrapped an arm around Oliver's shoulder. "He's just had some bad news, I'm afraid."

"Slytherin are only fucking pulling out of tomorrow's game!" he yelled.

"Well, not so much pulling out, as not participating due to an injury," Percy amended.

"And we're playing fucking _Hufflepuff_ instead! And it's hardly even an injury, anyway. Pathetic."

Kathleen nodded sympathetically, not knowing quite what else to say.

"And it's fucking raining like nobody's business too," Oliver added, as though the weather were personally conspiring against him.

"It'll be fine," Percy said softly, kissing Oliver on the cheek. Kathleen was startled at the amount of tenderness that he was showing. She honestly wouldn't have been able to pick that one.

Oliver smiled. "Yeah... anyway, I've got to head off. Gotta tell the team the bad news. Catch you two later!"

As Oliver kissed Percy farewell and headed out the door, Kathleen grabbed him by his robe. "Hold on just one second."

"What?"

"I meant to ask you... _was_ it better than Quidditch?"

Oliver blushed a shade of red usually reserved for members of the Weasley clan. "Definitely," he replied strongly. And with that, he shrugged Kathleen and brushed past her, off to his Quidditch practise.

Kathleen gave Percy a look that clearly said "I told you so".

xxx

It was fair to say that on the morning of the Quidditch match against Hufflepuff, Oliver was as far on edge as he could be without completely falling off. It was raining – no, _storming_ – outside, and if the winds didn't knock him off his broomstick, he would fall off from exhaustion because he hadn't had anything for breakfast, despite Percy yelling at him and telling him that if he didn't eat then if they lost the game he'd only have himself to blame.

As Percy parted from Oliver on the way to the game, Oliver didn't reply when Percy said "good luck", but nodded and wrung his hands together nervously in a manner that he had most probably picked up off Percy in the first place.

Percy sat anxiously in the stalls with Penelope and Kathleen, standing out in his red and gold regalia amongst the Ravenclaws in that section. They had cast a shielding charm, so they wouldn't get wet in the storm, and had kindly helped out a couple of first years struggling with the wind. There was chatter all about, but the tension in the atmosphere was palpable. Percy cheered along with everyone else as the teams strode out onto the pitch, but they were cheers of apprehension. There would be an injury by the end of the game, no doubt. Percy just hoped that it wouldn't be Oliver.

The atmosphere was tense. It was so dark that Percy could barely keep track of what was going on in the game. He almost wished that he had some Meade on him – a good, strong swig of alcohol would ease the anxiety. It looked like Oliver would need something of the sort too; he was flitting erratically all over the place, saving most shots from the goal hoops, but occasionally letting his guard down and allowing a couple through.

After about half an hour into the game, Oliver called for a time-out, just as the storm was becoming more ferocious. The Gryffindor team huddled together, and Percy was practically on the edge of his seat, biting his nails. Penelope put an arm around his shoulder. "Don't worry, Percy. They'll be okay."

"I sure hope so," he replied, not taking his eyes off Oliver.

As soon as the time-out ended, it seemed as though everything had sprung into action. There was something going on where Harry and that Hufflepuff seeker that everyone seemed to love were flying about, and there were frequent claps of thunder and flashes of lightning, alternately deafening the crowd and lighting up the stadium.

Then all of a sudden, there was silence. Dementors were flooding the Quidditch pitch, and everything immediately became very cold. Percy thought wryly to himself that any other man would kill to be where he was, sandwiched in between two lovely girls who were both clinging onto him for warmth. Then again, not many men would kill to be in such close proximity to a bunch of Dementors.

Before anyone knew what was going on, a blur began to descend from the sky. "Bloody hell," Percy muttered to himself, "don't tell me Harry's falling down again?"

Swathes of students flooded the pitch as the Dementors started to recede, but Percy made a run for the changing rooms. He needed to see that Oliver was okay. He noticed that Penelope and Kathleen were following him.

They stopped outside the changing rooms. Oliver and the twins were carrying Harry in the direction of the Hospital Wing. Oliver had a blank expression on his face.

"We'll take it from here," George said considerately, noting that Oliver looked like he needed to have a little time on his own. Or perhaps he just didn't want him to drop Harry.

As soon as the crowd had moved away, Percy ran up to Oliver and flung his arms around him. "Are you alright?"

"We lost," Oliver replied simply.

"How?" Percy asked. He remained happily unaware of the fact that there were still a few people wandering past, and had one hand through Oliver's hair and the other wandering towards his bottom.

"Diggory got the snitch," Oliver whined, and pulled Percy closer to him.

"Damn," Percy replied, "so I guess there won't be a party in the common room, then?"

"'Course not," Oliver said, rather irritably.

"Then we could just... stay down here for a bit..."

Oliver didn't need to be told twice. Within moments, he and Percy had abandoned Kathleen and Penelope in the corridor and locked themselves in one of the shower cubicles in the change room.

It was going to be a _long_ night.

So, what did you think? If you liked it, you know what to do - leave a review! :D

* * *

**Author's Note**: Well, that's the end of THAT chapter.  
I really rather enjoyed writing this chapter. There's lots of cute, fluffy yaoi. I'm exercising my romantic muscles. Things are going to get interesting after this. I won't give any major clues, but keep in mind that Percy said "don't tell me Harry's falling down _again_". The again is the pivotal bit. See if you can guess the tension... !  
Until next time,

- _Legs_ :)


	19. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

First up, an apology! Several months and a couple of fandoms later, I have recently returned to my pet project RBS, which I'm afraid I neglected for a long time. But I'm getting back into it, so hopefully progress will get a bit faster (as year 11, conversely, gets more demanding. Come read me wasting my study time!).  
So, thank you to everyone who cares about this story! This chapter, which comes upon two milestones (over 100 reviews, over 100 pages) is for you guys!  
Thanks: to **SylvanSpirit**, **Nikki Diamond**, **Alex Cold**, **passionate4pens94**, **marsnmonkey** and **AnneOfTheIsland** for reviewing; to **Alex Cold**, **Spice of Life**, **marsnmonkey**, **AnneOfTheIsland** and **TeamEMMET-JAGBdB** for story-alerting; to **Alex Cold**, **catlover123456789**, **Sora Kohaku** and **AnneOfTheIsland** for faving; to **Alex Cold**, **passionate4pens94** and **Leah Rose** for the author alerts and finally to the lovely people **Alex Cold** and **passionate4pens94** for author-faving. Honestly, you guys... you make me blush! ;D

Anyway, hope you enjoy the chapter! :)

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter is not mine. However, every single word of innuendo in this chapter (and boy are there lots) does!

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19. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

"I'm cold," Oliver muttered for about the fiftieth time that evening. The other boys were at a booze-up down in the Common Room, but Oliver had elected to stay up in the dorm and watch Percy write an essay. It was a week after _that_ Quidditch match, and Oliver hadn't been himself since. He was more fidgety and neurotic than usual. And it didn't really help that Percy, as the oldest and most responsible Weasley at Hogwarts, had been instructed by his mother to make sure that The Boy Who Isn't Going To Live For Much Longer If Sirius Black Has His Way was kept well out of harm's way.

"So put on a jumper," Percy muttered, not looking up from his essay. Where Oliver had become more like Percy, Percy was becoming more like Oliver: the new-found joy of sex had loosened him up a little, and he felt more confident than ever.

"Can I have a hug?" Oliver asked in response.

Reluctantly, Percy put aside his essay and walked over to the bed where Oliver was huddled under several layers of clothing, body- and bed- alike. "You're not cold," Percy mumbled, but climbed onto the bed next to Oliver and wrapped himself around his shoulders.

"I beg to differ," Oliver said, laying aside his copy of _Quidditch Quarterly_. "I am _always_ cold if I'm not with you."

Percy rolled his eyes. "Don't go all depressed on me now, Oliver. I know how much Quidditch means to you, but this was only the first game of the season. There's still time. You could still win."

"We'd better," Oliver said somewhat bitterly. "It would be nice, just _once_, for my team to win the Quidditch Cup."

"You will," Percy said, "I know you will."

"If Ravenclaw beat Hufflepuff in two weeks, then... then we might still have a chance..."

"They will," Percy said firmly, getting up off the bed. "Now, I've got to finish this essay..."

"No you don't," Oliver mumbled.

"Yes, I do. And I have to get it done tonight. So..."

"Yeah, got you," Oliver replied dejectedly, "I know when I'm not wanted."

Percy rolled his eyes. "Get over it, Oliver."

Oliver chuckled to himself. _Only Percy can get away with stuff like that_. "I'm going downstairs."

"Going to join the party?"

"Gonna see if Ange is down there," Oliver corrected. "I don't do partying, Percy."

"Sorry, I forgot," Percy replied sarcastically, now sitting back down at his desk, "you're depressed."

Oliver, smiling, kissed Percy lightly on the cheek before setting out of the dorm and down to the common room. The usual suspects were huddled around the fireplace, downing firewhiskey like there was no tomorrow, chanting something drunkenly. Angelina was sitting some way away from the crowd, flicking through her Charms textbook half-heartedly. When she saw Oliver enter, she looked up and beckoned him over, glad for the distraction.

"How's it going, Ol? Still wallowing in self-pity?"

"Afraid so," Oliver replied, positioning himself on the arm of her chair. "I feel awful for Percy – no matter what he says or does, I'm still tearing my hair out over Quidditch."

Angelina nodded knowingly. "Problems in bed."

"NO!" Oliver exclaimed.

"So... it's just Quidditch, then?"

"Of course!" Oliver replied, "I've got nothing else in my life to be sad about!"

"That's stupid," Angelina said bluntly, shutting her text book. "You know how you always give us amazing pep talks before matches? Well, _that_ Oliver is confident, brave and exuberant, not mopey, irrational and depressed. What _you_ need is a good pep talk, to get all of that back into you. You need to cheer the hell up, because ONE MATCH isn't the end of the world."

"It is if Hufflepuff beat Ravenclaw," Oliver pointed out.

"You can shut up," Angelina said. "Let me go about this differently – Oliver, Quidditch is the _least_ of your worries. You're in a steady relationship with a ginger who loves you very much, while _I_ still can't decide which of the twins I'd rather devote all of my energies to. You're getting some every second night in your own private office –"

Here, Oliver muttered "it's not _mine_..."

"- while I haven't kissed a boy for over a year! What I'm saying, Ol, is that you need to get over this one little loss in Quidditch. It. Wasn't. Your. Fault. Even if we don't win the bloody cup, who cares? You'll still get into Puddlemere, because you're a fucking great Keeper who lets a quaffle through as often as Snape washes his hideous hair!"

Oliver laughed at this. "But that doesn't change the fact that we lost. I just want to win the cup – is one time too much to ask for?"

"It isn't, Ol, it isn't at all, which is why you're gonna pick yourself up, get training and win us that cup!"

"When you put it that way..."

"I know, it makes so much sense. Honestly, you men. Sometime you need a woman to knock some gumption into you, don't you?"

"Yeah, whatever. Listen, Ange, thanks for the pep talk, but I really ought to be going now. I have some business to take care of before this party of drunkards breaks up," he said, gesturing to the boys sloshed by the fireplace, now boasting loudly about how long their "wands" were.

"I understand completely," she replied. "Go on, bugger off and get laid."

Oliver kissed her head in a totally platonic manner before dashing off up the stairs to his dorm.

He burst through the door so violently that Percy jumped a little in his seat. "Merlin, Oliver! Back so soon?"

"Sex. Now," Oliver said simply, and Percy obliged happily, bouncing up from his desk and letting Oliver drag him over to his bed. But he surprised Oliver – as soon as they got to the bed, he slammed Oliver down upon the sheets and pinned him there.

"Perce! What are you doing?" Oliver asked, eyes popping out of his head. "Not that I mind," he added as an afterthought.

"I'm Head Boy," Percy said for the fiftieth time that evening, "tonight, I'm in charge."

xxx

It was a Saturday evening, and the Hogwarts Great Hall was awash with blue and silver. Ravenclaws ran up and down, screaming loudly, planning on getting incredibly drunk, and, in most cases, already half-way there. But no-one could have been happier than the Gryffindor Quidditch team – Oliver Wood, in particular. Ravenclaw had given Hufflepuff just the kick in the pants that his team needed to get back on top by their next match.

And so, naturally, Oliver was celebrating as hard – if not harder – than everybody in Ravenclaw put together.

And to say that he was drunk would be the understatement of the century.

"You got this, guys? We're gonna WIN that cup!" he called out to the team as they lounged around in the Common Room. It was about eleven at night, and Percy was in his office avoiding the Gryffindor tower at all costs. He didn't like to be around Oliver when he was around his team. Truth be told, Oliver got so passionate about Quidditch that Percy got scared he'd do something... inappropriate... to him... in the presence of his brothers, no less! So he kept clear.

"We _know_, Ol," Katie groaned, "you've been telling us all night!"

"Yeah," Alicia agreed, "your pep talks are a _lot_ better when you're sober."

"But we're gonna WIN!" Oliver reiterated. "We're gonna win, and I'm gonna be the next Puddlemere keeper, you'll see!"

"I don't know why," Harry said with a yawn, "Puddlemere aren't that great. Is this team meeting over yet? I'm kinda tired."

"You know what, Harry?" Completely Smashed Oliver said, a pained and plainly offended look on his face, "If you're just gonna sit there disrespecting Puddlemere United, _THE_ _GREATEST_ Quidditch team ever to grace this planet, then you can bloody well piss off and go to bed!"

Harry grumbled something like "didn't wanna listen to that stupid drunk sod anyway" and marched off to his dorm.

"Now," Oliver said, raising a bottle of firewhiskey to the roof, "where was I? Ah, yes, on the fact that we're gonna WIN!"

"Screw this," Alicia muttered, "I'm going to bed. Katie?"

Katie nodded. "This is getting too much. Someone put this silly boy to bed."

Fred and George, who up until now had been involved in a private conversation about something, turned their attention to Oliver.

"We'll drag him up to his bed," George offered.

"And force him into it," Fred added.

"Not tired!" Oliver protested.

"Ol, it's eleven," Angelina said, "you really ought to sleep now."

Oliver scoffed. "C'mon, Ange, you of all people should know that I'm usually up _much_ later than this!"

A not-so-clever move, evidently – Fred and George _instantly_ picked up on the suggestive tone in Oliver's voice.

"Oh yes?" Fred asked. "Up late doing _what_?"

Angelina rolled her eyes, and threw Oliver a warning look. "Guys, honestly..."

"_Shagging_, of course!" Oliver said enthusiastically. "Getting laid, getting some, getting a leg over, getting my cock out and ROCKING OUT!"

Unfortunately for Oliver, he hadn't noticed that Percy had returned from his office (he'd done enough work for one night), had been standing in the Common Room listening with interest for several minutes, and was now a very unflattering shade of incensed.

"Really, Oliver? I thought you spend most of your time with our Bighead Brother these days..." George said, raising his eyebrows lecherously.

"Not shagging!" Percy yelled hastily, running over to the groggy Oliver, Angelina and the twins. "I – I mean... he's drunk! Don't take him_ seriously_!"

"Relax, Percy," Fred said, "we were just kidding. Honestly, Oliver's too much of a chick magnet; why would we even believe for a moment that he's shagging _you_ of all people?"

"Because I am!" Oliver said with a giggle.

Percy's eyes widened. "You're drunk, you idiot. I'm getting you straight to bed."

The twins dissolved into laughter.

"Not in _THAT_ way!" Percy yelled, his cheeks inflated with anger. "Honestly! Grow up!"

"Aww, Perce, I don't want to go to bed! I'm not tired!" Oliver whinged.

"Too bad," Percy said, pulling Oliver up straight so they were standing face to face. Without warning, Oliver grabbed Percy's head and kissed him squarely on the lips.

"You're so cute when you're angry," he whispered.

"And you're _REALLY_ _DRUNK_," Percy almost screamed at Oliver, promptly grabbing his hand and yanking him up to their dorm.

Fred and George sat perfectly still, having witnessed all of this in a shocked silence.

"Fred?"

"Yeah?"

"D'you just see that?"

"Yeah."

"Merlin, Oliver's a funny drunk!"

"The way he planted one on Percy – you'd think they were a proper couple or something!"

As the twins collapsed in a fit of giggles, Angelina said in a forcedly jovial tone, trying to hide her discomfort, "yeah, right!"

xxx

It was over a week since Oliver had as good as admitted that he and Percy were shagging to the latter's most-gossipy-brothers, and Percy still hadn't forgiven him. To their credit, the twins hadn't done anything like spread a rumour all over the school – it had seemed obvious to them that Oliver was completely off his face at the time, and that his confessions had no bearing on reality.

But that didn't stop them from teasing Percy with it at every available moment. Frequently, whenever they got the chance, they would casually ask him why he wasn't busy keeping Oliver's bed warm, or why he hadn't told any of the family that he was a big girly-boy, or how long Oliver's wand was.

Of course, Percy had answers to all of these questions – he had something more pressing to do, he didn't want to open himself up to public ridicule, and very – but he quite obviously wasn't going to give the twins what they wanted. He pushed them away, and it had gotten to the point where he was taking pains to avoid them.

What Percy didn't know was that Oliver wasn't doing any better from this – the twins had reasoned that, because people tend to speak their minds when drunk, Oliver actually was having some sort of illicit affair with Percy. And they let him know just this... on various occasions.

Percy had been near-frosty (and sexually restrained) with Oliver that whole week. But one particular evening, they were sitting together in the Common Room half-heartedly studying, not really talking to each other, when the twins decided to introduce themselves into the non-conversation.

"How're Gryffindor's favourite power couple today?" Fred cried, executing a pirouette as he made his way to where the "power couple" were sitting.

"Shut up," Percy muttered, not looking up from his textbook.

"Ooh, no need to get so touchy!" George said, "Save that for Oliver here!"

Oliver groaned. "Guys, give it a rest. You haven't let off for a _whole week_. Surely you've got some new joke to move onto by now?"

"A joke?" George exclaimed, mock-offended.

"That's rich, coming from _you_," Fred said, giving Oliver a pointed look.

Percy looked up. "What's that meant to mean?"

"Noticed Oliver acting any differently this week?"

"Uh..."

"That's because he's secretly madly in love with you, right, Ol?"

Oliver reddened.

"See, he's blushing!"

Percy noticed then that something was up. "Oliver, what are they talking about?"

"They've been giving me shit all week," Oliver said, pulling himself out of his embarrassment and frowning. "They think that because I acted like a tit when I was drunk, I fancy you or some shit."

Percy blushed for two reasons – because he knew that Oliver was telling a blatant lie, and because he hadn't realised that Oliver had been getting the (other) short end of the stick from this messy business.

"That's rubbish," he said softly, collecting his thoughts, "why would they think that?"

"'Cause they're idiots... no offence."

"We're offended!" George said melodramatically.

"And rightly so!" Fred added.

"I meant to _Percy_, idiots. Today, I have no qualms with offending you."

"Why would that offend me?" Percy asked, confused.

Oliver shrugged. "They're you're flesh and blood, I guess."

"That doesn't mean I have to like them."

"Wicked words indeed!" Fred said. "I think I speak for both of us—"

"Of course!"

"—when I say that we've been hurt deeply by your comments."

"Now, Percy," George said, "you still haven't answered some of our questions. Come on, let us know if Ol's good in bed or not!"

Oliver tensed with anger. "Could you NOT?"

"He's fantastic."

Percy's words seemed to come out of nowhere, and Oliver and the twins froze where they were, eyes wide and mouths agape.

"That's right," Percy said, growing in confidence and puffing up his chest with every word he spoke, "we were at it like Cornish Pixies. I came so hard that I screamed loud enough to pop Oliver's eardrums. Then after a couple of times on the bed, we got bored and started shagging in the bathroom. And then in the Owlery. And the Astronomy Tower. And then we had amazing oral sex in the Prefect's bathroom, before our customary table-shag in my office. _WHAT DO YOU FUCKING THINK_?"

The twins were stunned into silence; Oliver just looked like he was trying hard not to laugh. At the sound of Percy – the Head Boy! – swearing so loudly, many heads in the Common Room turned in that direction.

"Yikes," said Fred, "too much information."

"Point taken," George said, "we'll stop now."

"Yeah," Fred added, "definitely."

The twins, silent, got up and walked off, leaving Oliver and Percy sitting together, smiling like idiots at each other. "I love you, Percy," Oliver said with a grin, "I really do. You are fantastic. In fact—" he whispered here, "—I reckon we should go upstairs right now and..."

Oliver was interrupted here by Ron, Hermione and Harry rushing into the Common Room, grinning and talking loudly between themselves. They were greeted by some Irish kid and his friend, who asked where McGonnagal had put up the list of names of those staying at Hogwarts over the holidays.

And Percy had an idea.

"Oliver, I wouldn't usually do this, I like to spend Christmas with my family, you know, but if we stayed here over the holidays..."

Oliver picked up on his gist immediately. "Two weeks of nothing but sex."

Percy raised an eyebrow. "Well..."

It seemed that that twins had joined the conversation with Ron and his friends. "We're going to Lee's for the holidays," George said with a laugh, "just to get away from it all!"

And Percy had another idea. "Oliver, I wouldn't usually do this, but... you've never been to the Burrow, have you?"

"Heard a lot, seen nothing."

"How would you feel about coming over for Christmas? If the twins aren't around... then... I'd like you to meet my parents."

Oliver smiled. He could have kissed Percy. "I couldn't think of any nicer way to spend the holidays."

* * *

Aww, all they want for Christmas is each other! Cuteness too much for you? If you're not lying on your floor in a spasm of joy by now, why not leave a review? You know you want to! All reviews get replies~

**Author's Note**: God, I love this chapter. There's so much drama! I really hope you liked reading it. For reference, the title is ANOTHER one from a Smiths song... because Oliver's miserable, get it? Although I'm sure he won't be after Percy decides to try shagging on the bed, in the bathroom, the owlery, the Astronomy Tower and on his desk. (Several of which they've already tried, but not all in one night!)  
Anyway, keeping it short, until next time!

- _Legs_

NEXT TIME IN RULED BY SECRECY: The ENTIRE EXTENDED WEASLEY FAMILY walk in on Percy and Oliver making love in the Burrow kitchen! Maybe.


	20. Meet The Parents

Hello all! I'm on a roll right now, and I loved writing this chapter as much as I hope you'll love reading it! First up, thanks to **dearmanica**, **Spice of Life**, **passionate4pens94**, **gngrlvr1** (x4), **little-stone-owl**, **Jooh** and **RussiansNekojinlover** for reviewing, to **gngrlvr1**, **KingShinigami016**, **Mitoa-Lee**, **NIkel King**, **ilfreitas**, **RussiansNekojinlover**, **pancakes are relevant** and **hippogriff84** for alerting, to **Azzara**, **gngrlvr1**, **demy kun**, **KingShinigami016**, **Miota-Lee**, **RussiansNekojinlover**, **Hippogriff84** and **Qoax** for faving, and to the amazing **gngrlvr1** for also author-alerting and author-faving. This chapter is for all of you who've been reading and enjoying this so far - I hope chapter 20 doesn't disappoint! :)

**Disclaimer**: No, I own nothing. If Harry Potter was mine, he'd be dead by now.

* * *

20. Meet The Parents

When Oliver stepped on the Hogwarts Express, the Christmas holidays having just begun, he didn't think that he had ever felt so excited about leaving his school. Usually, he would just go home for the holidays, bemoaning the fact that he was leaving his best friends (and, of late, his lover) behind. Sure, he got to see his parents and his sister, but he missed the atmosphere at Hogwarts.

Okay, so he missed Percy. But still, he was never really mad about the Christmas holidays.

These holidays, however, he was going to the Burrow, to spend Christmas with Percy and his family, and he could barely contain his joy. He practically flew to the nearest free compartment, and put away his luggage with such zeal that as soon it was in the overhead locker it tried to spring straight back out. Soon after, he was joined by Angelina, Katie and Alicia, all eager to discuss Quidditch tactics for the next term. Their first match of the term was against Ravenclaw, and they all knew how critical it was that they win the match.

Strange, then, that Oliver didn't seem to care less about what they were saying. He was sitting on the edge of his seat, wondering _where the hell_ Percy was.

After about half an hour on the train, Kathleen came waltzing into the compartment and sat down, looking exhausted, next to Oliver, earning herself a few glares from the Gryffindor girls.

"Before you ask," she began, "Percy and I have just been introducing some of the junior prefects to the joy of patrolling the train, and he's doing his shift now."

Oliver frowned. "Percy's done enough patrolling in his life to keep the Hogwarts Express obedient for fifty years. Why's he doing it now?"

"Sense of duty, you know, the usual," Kathleen said, rolling her eyes. "But he told me to tell you not to stress, you'll get to see him for the whole holidays, so it shouldn't matter if you miss out on his company for a couple of hours."

Oliver pouted. "Not cool at all, Perce."

"You're staying at the Burrow this Christmas, then?" Katie asked, surmising from what Kathleen had said.

Oliver nodded.

"You and Percy have become pretty close lately, haven't you?" Alicia said.

"I guess you could say that, yeah," Oliver replied, "I mean, we've always been the best of friends, but I suppose we are closer lately."

Kathleen and Angelina exchanged a glance that said "yeah, '_closer_'..."

"Anyway," Kathleen said, breaking the uncomfortable silence, "I'd better go and find Jack. See you lot after the holidays!"  
When Kathleen was gone, the girls started gossiping amongst themselves after Oliver confirmed that Kathleen was indeed dating Jack – _Gryffindor_ Jack! How intriguing it all was!

Towards the end of the train ride, Oliver had all but fallen asleep when Percy made his unfashionably late entrance. He was eyed with interest by Katie and Alicia as he walked into the carriage and sat down beside Oliver.

"Perce!" Oliver exclaimed, now wide awake, "What took you so long?"

"Patrolling," Percy replied, shrugging. "Don't look so angry! It's my duty!"

"Whatever," Oliver said dismissively. "I'm not going to start a war, it's the holidays."

"Good," Percy said with a self-satisfied smile.

Eventually, the train pulled up at Kings Cross Station, and all of the students got out, chattering excitedly amongst themselves. Percy, in anticipation of the hours of fun he and Oliver were no doubt going to have over the impending two weeks, grabbed Oliver by the wrist and as good as pulled him over to where his parents were waiting happily.

"Mother! Father!" Percy cried, barely able to contain himself. "This is Oliver! Have you met Oliver? I don't think you've met Oliver..."

"Slow down there, boy!" Arthur said jovially. "Of course we've met Oliver!"

"Well, we've seen him around, in any case, haven't we?" Molly added, more to herself than to anyone else.

"Well you're meeting him now," Percy said in his "I'm Head Boy!" voice. "Oliver, mother; mother, Oliver. Oliver, father; father, Oliver."

Laughing out of a slight embarrassment that his son was so, well, socially inept, Arthur shook Oliver's hand strongly. "Nice to meet you, Oliver."

In turn, Molly shook his hand. "It'll be lovely to have you around these holidays, Oliver, what with Ron staying at school, the twins going off to their friend's, and Bill and Charlie always away from home..."

"Oh, come now, Molly," Arthur said, and then turning to Percy and Oliver, added "she's really exaggerating. Charlie's staying with us for the two weeks, and Bill will be over on Christmas Eve. And of course, we'll have Ginny around!"

"Where _is_ Ginny?" Percy asked.

"Oh, she's off in the distance, I see her," Molly said, "not to worry."

Percy nodded. Ever since _that_ incident, he'd been somewhat overprotective of Ginny, subconsciously or otherwise, not that Ginny could have cared less.

Soon, Ginny came up to the Weasleys and Oliver, waving goodbye to a couple of her friends as they walked off to join their families. The family assembled, they headed out of the concealed platform and towards where Arthur had parked the Muggle car.

"Oh Merlin," Oliver said upon catching sight of the car, "this is a smashing old Ford!"

"A smashing old Ford Anglia!" Arthur corrected. "Isn't she a beauty?"

"She's in lovely condition," Oliver agreed, "for a car that's been through hell and high waters..."

"Quite," Arthur muttered. He would much rather _not_ be reminded of this car's chequered past.

Ginny groaned. "Don't tell me we'll have _two_ Muggle-nuts around these holidays..."

"You don't get much nuttier than me, Gin," Oliver said slapping her on the back, and continuing his habit of annoyingly shortening people's names.

"I am _NOT_ sitting next to him in the car!" Ginny said, rolling her eyes.

"In that case," Percy said with a chuckle, "I look forward to your company."

Ginny shot him a "really, Percy? Is that the best you can do?" look, and said "Fine, I'll sit next to the nutcase."

The car journey was relatively uneventful. Oliver was itching with anxiety to get Percy out of the car and into his pants – he couldn't exactly do anything while Percy's family were around.

When they arrived at the Burrow, which, incidentally, was fantastic beyond Oliver's wildest expectations, they were greeted by Charlie, who enfolded Oliver in a bone-crushing hug.

"Oliver bloody Wood! The Goalmeister! Long time no see, mate!"

Percy could not but disapprove. Charlie was _definitely_ encroaching on his turf.

"Yeah, mate! How's it been in Romania?"

"Fruitful, my friend, lovely and fruitful."

"You're such a sleaze," Percy said, wrenching his brother and his boyfriend apart with some considerable force, "I pity all those poor Romanian girls."

It was just the three of them in the room, so without any restraint, Charlie snapped back with "who said anything about _girls_?"

Percy froze where he was, with a look of bemusement etched into his face. "You're... you're not, are you?"

"I'm afraid I am, brother dearest," Charlie said. "I'm surprised that you're so surprised. I'd've thought it was obvious."

"But you're so... macho!"

"Think about it, Perce," Oliver said with some sagacity, offended at Percy's insinuation that he wasn't _macho_, "he's a chaser. He likes flying after balls. That Quidditch position is brimming over with homoerotic tension. Especially when both the chasers are male..."

"Stop right there," Percy said, "I don't want any further mental images of Harry bloody Potter and that stupid blonde kid from Slytherin."

"Oh, MERLIN!" Oliver exclaimed, slapping Percy rather painfully on the back. "That, I did NOT need!"

Percy laughed loudly, and soon Oliver was laughing along with him.

"Okay, so this may just be the sleaze in me talking," Charlie began, which was not a promising start, "but are you two... you know..."

He gestured with his hands.

"... together?"

Oliver and Percy glared at each other like they'd been accused of some heinous crime that neither wanted to admit to being guilty of.

"What? No! Of course not! How did _that_ idea enter your head?" Percy protested.

"Yeah," Oliver said sarcastically, "according to Percy here, I'm probably far too _macho_ to be gay..."

"Now _hold on one second_," Percy said, "since when did I call you macho?"

"But I am, aren't I?"

"In your dreams, Oliver! You play Quidditch too, you know, flying after balls and all that..."

"I'm a _keeper_, you idiot! If anything, I hit the balls away from me! Doesn't that make me macho?"

"What are you trying to say, Oliver? You're deceiving yourself... you only hit them away because you're _monogamous_!"

"AND YOU LOVE IT!" Oliver yelled, now in the heat of the argument.

Putting a hand on each of their shoulders, Charlie said "_definitely_ a couple", and with that, walked out of the room, leaving Percy and Oliver staring with a mixture of lust and hate at each other.

"Your brother seems to know everything," Oliver said, "honestly, you may have gotten the brains, but he got the powers of perception, no doubts there."

"Oh, shut up," Percy said, flopping down on a nearby couch. They seemed to spring up all over the place in the Burrow.

Just then Molly walked in, looking a little flustered. "Percy! Haven't you shown Oliver to his room yet?"

Ever obedient, Percy sprung up, embarrassed at this oversight. "Sorry, mother, I'll take him there now."

As Percy led the way up the staircase, Oliver flicked his wand and his suitcase followed, floating along happily behind him.

"So you'll be staying in Ron's room. Mother suggested giving you the twins' room, but she doesn't know _half_ of what they keep in there, so we reckoned it would be safer to put you in Ron's."

"What about _your_ room?" Oliver asked, slightly miffed. Surely it was an obvious choice?

"_I_ sleep in my room, Oliver."

"I _know_ that, stupid. I repeat, what about your room?"

"Oliver, would you like to _see_ my room?"

Oliver raised his eyebrows. "I don't see why not..."

Percy flung open the door to his bedroom to reveal the answer to Oliver's question. In the middle of the room was a small-ish bed, nowhere _near_ big enough for two, surrounded by several large desks on either side. Each desk was covered with neatly-arranged rolls of parchment and pots of multicoloured ink lined up in rainbow order, as well as one or two books lying open. On the main desk there were several different quills resting in a jar that had probably once held some kind of pickled foodstuff. Now, in most normal teenage boys' rooms, the walls are lined with posters of girls or bands or sports teams. Percy's walls were lined with bookshelves, textbooks arranged first by what year of his studies they had been most pertinent to, then alphabetically. Several shelves had been set aside for non-required reading.

Oliver stood there gaping. "Shit, Perce, I knew you were crazy, but..."

"Yeah, _this_ is why you can't sleep in my room. Because there's no room."

"There's no room? Damn right there isn't! There's no room, there's a study!"

Percy smiled proudly, oblivious to the fact that Oliver was rather outraged and just a little creeped out by this scandalous misuse of a bedroom. "I know, isn't it wonderful?"

"Merlin, Percy, just show me to Ron's room," Oliver said, and then added "and those desks were too tidy for their own good. I think we're going to have to have sex on one of them."

Percy flushed red. "Oh, don't... not in my house, where my family can hear..."

"Where your family can hear _what_?" came a snide voice from behind one of the many doors. Percy nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Ginny, don't do that!" he cried.

"What can your family hear?"

"None of your business," he said sternly, unaware that it _really_ wasn't a good answer – it left even more of an impression of guilt than silence did.

Ginny sniffed in indignation. "Be like that, then."

She shut the door too her room, and Percy rolled his eyes at Oliver, as if to say "kids these days!"

They soon reached Ron's room, and the moment that Percy opened the door, Oliver took one look and shook his head. "Nope. Can't stay in there."

"Why not?" Percy asked, annoyed. "There's plenty of room, and I know his socks smell a bit, but that's because he doesn't know any spells yet..."

"It's not that," Oliver said, looking concerned, "but, ah... he supports the Cannons."

Percy's eyes widened. "Seriously? You can't stay in there because of all of those silly posters of the Chudley Cannons?"

"In a nutshell," Oliver said with a nod, closing the door. "I'd've thought he had better taste than that."

"Oh, come on, Oliver, it's only..." Percy stopped.

"Yes, Percy? What were you going to say? It's only _what_?"

"I'm not going to finish that sentence."

Thankfully for Percy, Charlie chose that moment to pop out of mid-air and join in their conversation. "Oliver can sleep in _my_ room if he likes..."

"_Oh_ no!" Percy said, stiffening up, "He will do _no such thing!_"

"Don't worry," Charlie said, flicking his ponytail absently over his shoulder, "I'm not going to have sex with your boyfriend."

"He's not my..." Percy began, but upon seeing both Oliver and Charlie looking at him, he shook his head. "Forget it."

"What do you say, Oliver? Up for rooming with your old teammate?"

"I'd better not," Oliver said, taking into account just how close to exploding Percy looked, "I'll just put a spell on Ron's posters or something."

Percy smiled, satisfied that there would be no further developments in _that_ area.

"Kids!" came Molly's voice up the stairs, "time for supper!"

"You're in for a treat, future brother-in-law," Charlie said with a grin, causing Percy to blush even more than he already was, "our mother's cooking is second to none!"

"Can't wait!" Oliver said, briefly placing his hand on Percy's shoulder before turning to follow Charlie down to the dining room. Percy followed behind slowly.

Molly had set the table with the Weasley's finest cutlery and crockery, mindful of the fact that they had a guest. The whitest plate with the most intact and bright gold leaf decorations around the edges had been placed next to Percy's usual seat, in anticipation that Oliver would be sitting there. As the boys entered, Ginny was just sitting down at the table, getting a bollocking from Arthur for wrecking some of his precious pieces of Muggle technology. Mind you, a bollocking from Arthur Weasley was about as severe as a nice, not too warm but not too cold, mug of pumpkin juice - not very.

"Ginny, really, couldn't you have been working on your hexing elsewhere? You unwound half of my cassette tapes and ruined some of my best Muggle film!"

Ginny shrugged. "I don't see what's so important about them. You can buy more cassette tapes – you said they were cheap. And Muggle photos are stupid, anyway. They don't move or anything."

"Ginny!" Molly said snappily, "don't talk back to your father!"

"He knows I'm right, mum..."

"The girl does have a point..."

"Oh, Arthur, what she did was wrong, no matter how cheap cassette tapes are!" This was Molly-code for "stop being so weak!"

Arthur just smiled at Ginny, and asked her how her hexes were going.

"Ah, boys!" Molly exclaimed as the three of them entered the dining room. "Come, come, sit down, I've prepared something extra-special in honour of our extra-special guest!"

Oliver's cheeks reddened – if a guest was coming over to _his_ house, all his mother did was tell him and his sister Holly not to swear too much or have any sibling-ly squabbles. Percy, too, blushed – he hated it when his mother put on a show; it made them seem like they were trying extra-hard to appear like a normal, well-off, average family, when everything else around gave away the fact that they were dirt-poor and eccentric.

The thereof them sat down around the dinner table, Oliver clearly impressed by the sheer volume of food that Molly had managed to produce since they'd arrived home. "This looks fantastic," he said hungrily.

"Thank you, dear," Molly said with a satisfied smile, "let me serve you some..."

With her wand controlling the serving implements, Molly directed epic proportions of dinner onto Oliver's plate. The mashed potato alone was several inches high and took up a quarter or so of the plate. Oliver had never been this excited about a family dinner before. But, he reminded himself, this was no ordinary family dinner, he was a guest in this house, even though he felt more at home with Percy than he did with his own family.

When Molly had finished serving him and Percy and had moved onto Ginny, Oliver squeezed Percy's hand under the table. Percy looked up from his plate and smiled a somewhat embarrassed smile.

"Sorry," he said softly, looking at his mother.

"No need to be," Oliver said, "these are going to be the best holidays ever. I can just tell..."

That night, Percy's desks were denied their usual tidiness and order for the first time since they had been bought.

* * *

So what did you all think of that chapter? Love it or loathe it, leave a review and I'll read it, reply to it, and probably smile a lot.

**Author's Note**: Gosh, you have no idea how much I enjoyed writing that chapter. I've always been a massive Weasley fangirl, and this chapter had more Weasley than most, making it entirely pleasurable to write. For me, Charlie's been gay since I found out that JKR intends him to be the only Weasley kid left unmarried (not excluding, in THIS universe, Percy - Audrey is the only spouse not mentioned in the books therefore she does not exist). I also really enjoyed making Molly the one who wears the pants, if you know what I mean. (If you don't, why not leave a review and I'll tell you! ;D)  
So I hope you enjoyed that little chapter there. There was originally going to be a lot more in it, but I got epic-carried away and just elaborated like there was no tomorrow on this one scene. :)

Until next time,

- _Legs_

NEXT TIME ON _RULED BY SECRECY_: Christmastime at the Burrow! Expect lots of presents, food, and of course, MISTLETOE!


	21. Too Much Information

Hello all! Well, last chapter attracted a fair bit of interest, so here's a quick update for you! Well, relatively quick... Thanks to **SlyvanSpirit**, **gngrlvr1**, **RussiansNekojinlover**, **Jooh**, **passionate4pens94**, **dearmanica**, **Qoax**, **Bboop** and **LuLuSims** for reviewing, to **Jooh**, **Qoax**, **Bboop** and **LuLuSims** for story-alerting, to **Jooh**, **udonluvr5**, **Bboop** and **LuLuSims** for faving, and to **Teddy bear Cullen** and **LuLuSims** both for author-alerting and author-faving. Also big shout-out to everyone who read my one-shot "Daffodils For Luna", and to everyone who read Lacrima's one-shot "The Amazing Adventures of Crookshanks The Wondercat" or whatever that cumbersome piece of fiction was called... ;D

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Harry Potter... JRK doesn't do Ginny-bashing. Oh my.

* * *

21. Too Much Information

Percy, Oliver and Charlie were wandering around Diagon Alley. It was the day after Oliver had arrived at the Burrow to spend the holidays with the Weasleys, and now he had been invited out to their annual pre-Christmas shopping trip. Molly and Arthur had disappeared somewhere to do their shopping, so the three boys were left in charge of Ginny, who had promptly told them that they were a bunch of bores and was going to Florean Fortescue's to meet some friends. They hadn't exactly argued – Ginny hadn't exactly given them a choice.

It was then that they decided to go their separate ways to buy gifts for one another, and Percy had decided to hex two birds with one spell by heading to Quality Quidditch Supplies, where he was sure to find something nice for Oliver and Charlie. As he entered the store, he saw that they were proudly advertising several broomsticks that Percy honestly had no comprehension of nor money to afford. He very nearly considered getting Oliver a Puddlemere jersey that they had sitting in one display cabinet, but then he realised that Oliver very probably had one just like it already, so decided against it. There was a very nice watch that looked like a snitch, but he chose to get that for Charlie – his watch had stopped working a while ago. And anyway, the snitch-watch was second-hand, and while he and his family tended to go for the purchasing of second-hand gifts, he couldn't bear to get anything that he knew someone else had used before for Oliver.

After half an hour, he left the store, full of anguish that he couldn't choose anything for Oliver. Percy coped with the annoyance as he did any other – he pushed it aside and pretended that it wasn't happening, instead going to various other shops, buying a Muggle-style radio for his father, some chocolates with a meade filling for his mother, some gag items for the twins, Ron and Ginny, and finally a very nice notebook indeed for Bill.

But that still didn't solve the problem of what to buy for Oliver. So Percy bought a necklace for Penelope and a detective novel for Kathleen. He didn't like to think of it as retail therapy – rather, putting off the inevitable. And then he saw them. There, in the windows of the shoe store, was the most amazing pair of boots Percy had ever seen. And they would look perfect on Oliver. Grinning wildly, he dashed into the store.

"Excuse me," he addressed the lady behind the counter, "how much are those boots in the window?"

The lady walked up to him, and asked him which ones he meant. "Those? Those are 25 galleons."

Percy gulped. Despite the money he had been saving up for years, all he had left in his wallet were 24 galleons. All he had to show for his pathetic little life, 24 galleons.

"I only have 24... on me... right now..." he admitted shame-facedly.

The lady looked up at him (for he was indeed much taller than her), frowning. "I'm sorry, sir. These boots are 25 galleons. You'll have to find a galleon from elsewhere if you want to buy them."

As she spoke, she looked him up and down, taking in his shabby robes and worn shoes.

"I'll be back," Percy said as he dashed out the door, looking the Alley up and down for Charlie. He and Oliver were standing out Florean Fortescue's, their bags filled with presents, no doubt, and waiting for Ginny.

"Charlie!" Percy cried, out of breath. "A galleon!"

"What?"

"I need a galleon!"

Grabbing Percy, Charlie pulled him away from Oliver, a worried look in his eyes. "Percy, please don't tell me you've spent all your money _already_?"

"It's fine," Percy panted, "I'll get a job at the end of this year; I don't need any more money until then."

"How much have you got on you?"

"24."

"Percy!" Charlie exclaimed, alarmed. "What on _Earth_ do you need 25 galleons for?"

"Boots," Percy said.

"Boots?" Charlie was incredulous.

"For Oliver," Percy added.

Charlie's countenance suddenly changed. "Oh, for Oliver... I suppose you won't get any Christmas sex if you don't buy him something nice?"

Percy flushed red. "Shut up. I just want to get him a good present, you know. Because I..."

Charlie smiled, and slapped Percy on the back. Even though his older brother was shorter than him, he packed more of a punch, and Percy very nearly fell over at the contact. "You love him, of course."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a galleon. "Go on, bugger off and buy those boots."

Percy would have thanked Charlie immensely, but he turned away before he could say anything and went back over to where Oliver was standing. The two brothers had never been particularly close – Percy was more the studious type, while Charlie couldn't care about much except Quidditch and dragons. But now, it seemed, they had something in common. For perhaps the first time ever, Percy didn't feel as if he was that much of an anomaly in his family after all. Not knowing what else to do, Percy turned and rushed back to the shoe store.

"25 galleons," he said proudly to the sales assistant. She looked surprised, but nonetheless accepted the money and handed over the boot. Percy gratefully stowed them in his bigger-on-the-inside bag that he had cleared of schoolbooks and parchment for this one day of the year. And with that, he headed back to Florean Fortescue's, where it seemed that Ginny was still busy with her friends.

"Have you two done all your shopping?" he asked Oliver and Charlie.

"Pretty much," Charlie said, "I just need to find some things to send to my boys in Romania."

Percy frowned. He wasn't sure that he wanted to contemplate what sort of things Charlie might send to his "boys in Romania"...

"I'm all done," Oliver said. "My owl's gonna have a bloody hard time delivering all of this crap, though," he added, patting his bag, which was evidently full-to-bursting, despite its svelte appearance. "You?"

"I'm done," Percy said, feeling rather proud of himself indeed.

"Great! Let's get ourselves some treats, then," Oliver said.

When they got to the counter of the ice cream parlour, Percy instinctively reached for his pocket, only to be rudely reminded that until he got himself a job, it would be empty. His childhood pocket money from his parents only went so far, and now he was of age, he wouldn't be getting any more of _that_.

"Oh," he mumbled, blushing.

"Never mind," Oliver said with a smile, "I'll shout you."

Percy raised his eyebrows. "That makes no grammatical sense whatsoever."

"It's a Muggle thing," Oliver explained patiently, "when you buy something for someone else, you're 'shouting' it to them."

"That's a bit stupid," Percy thought aloud.

"I suppose it is," Oliver said with a laugh, before proceeding to "shout" Percy an ice cream sundae.

xxx

It was Christmas Eve, and there was probably no place in England more busy than the Burrow. Molly had been in the kitchen since... well, long before everyone had woken up. The noises coming out of there were unbelievable, and thankfully no-one need venture within, because at regular intervals, food just appeared on the dining room table. Charlie and Arthur were sitting in the lounge playing a heated game of exploding snap when the door burst open and Bill glided (not literally) inside. He was about to call out, to draw attention to his presence, when Molly appeared in the corridor, and smothered her eldest son in hugs and kisses.

"Charlie," she called out, "go and fetch your brother and sister. Oh, and Oliver! Let them know that Bill's here!"

Charlie dashed up the stairs, only to find Ginny already on her way down. "Bill's here!" he said.

"I know, I heard gushing," she remarked snippily.

Charlie shook his head, muttered "where'd she go wrong?", and headed off to Percy's room. Unsurprisingly, the door was locked.

"Percy, Oliver, Bill's here!"

Inside the room, Percy paused mid-snog, yelled out "COMING", and he and Oliver took a few moments to collect themselves. He swore he could hear Charlie grin as he said through the door "of course you are."

Some entirely un-suspicious minutes later, Percy (and Oliver, much to Bill's surprise) appeared downstairs to greet the eldest child of the Weasley brood.

"How's my _worthy successor_ this fine Christmas?" Bill asked Percy, shaking his hand firmly.

"Carrying out my duties to the best of my abilities," Percy replied proudly, with a much stronger handshake than he had way back in chapter one, "and thoroughly enjoying every second of it."

Bill nodded, satisfied with this answer. "I always knew you were Head Boy material, I've got to see. But honestly, from what I've heard, I'm surprised you're not wearing your badge now!"

Percy frowned, blushing slightly. True, he was very proud of his Head Boy status, and he _did_ tend to wear his badge rather more than he needed to... in fact, thinking about it, he realised that the only times he really took his badge off were when he showered, or when he and Oliver... _let's not go there_, thought Sober Percy.

"I don't usually wear it out of school," he replied with a sniff of superiority.

"Yes you do," Ginny said with a tone of objection, "I bet the only times he takes it off are when he's showering or shagging his _girlfriend_."

A sudden silence descended over the Weasley family. Molly and Arthur looked as though they had just been hit by a train (or two), Bill looked amused, Percy, Oliver and Charlie looked decidedly uncomfortable, and Ginny looked immensely proud of herself.

"_Per_cy," Molly began, her mother-mode going into overdrive (like it was ever switched off!), "why have we never heard about this girlfriend of yours?"

"Because," Percy replied, red as a beet, "I don't have one."

"You don't have to lie to us, Percy," Arthur said comfortingly, placing a hand on a _very angry indeed_ Percy's shoulder, "we're you're family!"

Almost as if on cue, Molly dissolved into happy tears. "I'm SO PROUD OF YOU!" she cried, throwing herself around her _very angry indeed_ son's skinny torso.

"I don't—"

"What's her name?" Bill asked, curious.

"She's not my—"

"Penelope Clearwater," Ginny chimed in, evidently having done her research, "she's a sixth year Ravenclaw with massive—"

Charlie helpfully stepped in here and put a hand over the nearby Ginny's mouth. "Look, guys, listen to Percy – I think he's trying to tell you that he doesn't _actually_ have a girlfriend."

"That's RIGHT!" Percy exclaimed, breathing out in a heavy sigh. "That's what I've been saying!"

"Oh, Percy," Molly said, still not letting go of him, "it's okay if you haven't worked up the courage to ask this girl Penelope out yet; you will in time!"

"I don't want to—"

"Listen, son," Arthur said, "after Christmas we'll sit down and have a talk, you and I, and see if we can't sort out this Penelope business, okay?"

"And now let's just leave the topic," Charlie said hastily, as Molly ushered the whole family into the lounge room.

Percy, Charlie, and Oliver – looking about as awkward as he ever had – lingered outside for a bit.

"_Fuck_," Percy muttered sharply beneath his breath, "_fuck fuck fuck_."

"I didn't know you swore," Charlie stated with some amusement.

"Don't worry, nobody knows much about me," Percy said bitterly.

Oliver gave him a comforting pat on the back, about as much affection as he dared show. "Don't worry, Perce, we'll get past it. We always do. You're Head Boy – you can do anything."

Percy nodded, smiling faintly, and then turned to go into the lounge room.

"You just called him 'Perce'," Charlie observed, more amused by the second.

"I can do that," Oliver said proudly, "... now."

xxx

In the aftermath of the Weasley Christmas Feast, everyone was tired, bloated and (mostly) drunk. Arthur had, with some pride, allowed Percy his first Christmas drink, happily ignoring the one flaw of Hogwarts – the culture of teenage alcoholism. Of course, both Percy and Oliver, though only recently of-age, had been drinking since they were at _least_ fourteen. It was hard to go through that school and avoid the temptation of a taste. It didn't really help that they Three Broomsticks were more than happy to give a kid a butterbeer, and the teachers were more than happy to turn a blind eye.

Still, none of this had stopped Percy from pretending that it was his first time, and using that as an excuse to drink more than he knew to be healthy with the safe excuse that he didn't have any experience to know how much was too much. Can you really blame him, though? He was trying to drown his sorrows, and _boy_ did he have sorrows.

Charlie and Bill were indulging in a high-energy game of Wizard Chess, which is _so_ much more fun when you're drunk, and had monopolised the lounge with their noisy antics. Molly and Arthur had insisted that they cast silencing spells around the room, as they were looking to have an early night, so that they wouldn't have _such bad_ hangovers when the others were all awake and opening their presents.

Ginny, the only one too young to drink, had stormed off to bed in a huff, not wanting to be surrounded by all the drunk adults.

Drunk Percy was out in the freezing garden, getting some clear air into his head before he "turned in" for the night.  
And Completely Smashed But Still Enough In Control Of His Own Mind To Have A Cunning Plan Oliver was decking Percy's bedroom with all the mistletoe in the world.

xxx

Percy was awoken on Christmas Day by a knock on his door. Groggy and hung-over, he pulled on some clothes and stumbled over to the door.

When Charlie opened the door, the first thing that caught his sight was the copious amounts of mistletoe in the room. It was hanging from all corners of the ceiling, draped over the bookshelves, littered across Percy's desks, and covering up several aspects of a buck-naked Oliver, positioned conspicuously on Percy's bed. His first thought was "too much information!"

His second thought was "thank Merlin _I_ opened the door".

"Oh, Charlie," Percy mumbled, slurring his speech somewhat, "thank _Merlin_ it's you."

"My thoughts exactly," Charlie replied, "now, wake that lump on your bed up and get downstairs. It's midday and everyone's getting impatient to open their presents."

"Oh, shit," Percy exclaimed sleepily, "see you in a few minutes, then."

He shut the door in Charlie's grinning face.

When they finally made it downstairs, expertly timing their arrivals so that it didn't look like they'd been up all night together making more noise than high-energy Wizard Chess, the Weasleys were all waiting by their presents, ready and eager to open. So, putting breakfast off for a few minutes – it could wait – they all sat down with their piles of presents.

Percy had received a jumper from his mother, knitted in a very fetching burgundy, a second-hand Muggle novel from his father, a scroll of fine (and expensive!) Egyptian parchment from Bill, an Ancient Runes book that looked like an Ancient Rune itself from Charlie, and some Licorice Wands from Ginny. Percy really didn't like Licorice Wands, but the fact that Ginny had bought him something was in itself an achievement. And from Oliver, he received a small metal box that, when opened, released an array of colour lights that could be charmed to display any image or text that you wanted them to. Much like the lights, Percy was charmed.

On the whole, his gifts went down fairly well. Molly was delighted by the chocolates, and Arthur was doubly-delighted with his new radio. Ginny was apathetic, as expected, about the gag items, and Bill was pleased enough with the notebook. Charlie was thrilled by the watch – it was the "grooviest" thing he'd ever laid eyes on, apparently.

But the shock of the day, and the event that would no doubt be remembered as a dramatic Weasley Christmas moment for the rest of their lives, was when Oliver opened his present from Percy.

Turns out that despite all his brains and diligence, Percy had forgotten to remove the price tag.

Oh dear.

* * *

So I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Love it? Hate it? Want to print it out, take it to bed with you and read it every night? That's okay too, if you leave a review! All reviews guaranteed a reply!

**Author's Note**: Well well well. I so enjoyed writing this chapter. Have I mentioned that I love writing all things Weasley? Maybe? Yes? Okay... This chapter is called "Too Much Information" for several reasons: one; Charlie thinks it at one point, two; Ginny gives away too much information, and three; Percy leaves too much information on his present to Oliver. HOW COULD I NOT?

Until next time,

_- Legs_

NEXT TIME ON _RULED BY SECRECY_: Back at Hogwarts, the author comes up with a plot device, possibly involving Peter. Yeah, remember him? It's gonna be dramatic. :D


	22. Bigmouth Strikes Again

Another chapter, how exciting is this? Thanks to **gngrlvr1**, **5redroses**, **passionate4pens94**, **Remus-Chocolade**, **RussiansNekojinlover**, **HollyGoesHoot **(x2) and **Anzel Silver** for reviewing; **marinebrat29**, **HollyGoesHoot**, **Anzel Silver**, **SinCos**, **pinote007 **and **ktanamtea** for story alerting; **heathster**, **marinebrat29**, **HollyGoesHoot **and **pinote007 **for story faving; **heathster **and **HollyGoesHoot **for author alerting and **HollyGoesHoot **for author faving! This one goes out to all you cool kids who've been waiting so long... sorry about that. I blame year 11. It's a hard damn taskmaster.  
So enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: I obviously do not own Harry Potter (JKR does), because there's TOO MUCH SWEARING IN THIS AHAHA.

* * *

22. Bigmouth Strikes Again

"Hey, Ol'!" Daffyd called out as Oliver passed him on the Hogwarts express, "nice boots!"

Percy, who was walking along with Oliver, blushed deeply. Oliver, however, smiled smugly. "And don't I know it," he said, continuing along the train to the Head Boy compartment.

"You shouldn't draw attention to those," Percy muttered, running a nervous hand through his hair, "people will start to ask questions."

"Lighten up, Perce," Oliver replied, smiling, "they're _fantastic_ boots – I can't NOT show them off!"

Just then, George stumbled up in front of them, evidently having just run about for a bit. "Oliver, Percy, long time no see! Listen, you wouldn't happen to have seen my dear brother Fred on your travels at all, would you?"

"No," Percy said, confused, "I haven't seen him since just before we got on the train."

"Ah," George said, his lack of verbosity belying his mind, evidently ticking away. "So you wouldn't know where he is _now_, then..."

"That follows," Percy replied with a roll of the eyes.

"I think I saw some red hair down the other end of the train, if that's any help," Oliver offered, "but it could easily have been Ron."

"Interesting," George said, once again ponderous, "well, thanks anyway. I'll check out the back of the train."

And without another word, George dashed off in much the manner that he had dashed up – hastily and with some concern.

"What's all that about?" Oliver wondered aloud.

"I don't think I want to know," Percy replied, using his wand to unlock the door of his compartment as they approached it. Kathleen and Jack were already sitting in there, not snogging, which remained a mystery to Percy – they _never_ got up to anything in public. Odd – it wasn't like they had anything to hide! Almost everyone knew they were dating.

"Hello, hello," Kathleen greeted, a conspiratorial glint in her eyes, "how were your communal holidays?"

"Fine and dandy, thank you," Oliver answered flippantly, sitting down and crossing his legs in a manner that showed his boots off to their full potential. They glinted in the sunlight coming through the train's windows.

"Shit," Jack said admiringly, "nice boots!"

"Aren't they wonderful?" Oliver agreed.

"_Someone's_ been hitting the stores," Kathleen laughed.

"Actually, they were a Christmas present," Oliver amended with a small smile. For him, the boots weren't just _from_ Percy, they _were_ Percy. They were also, to a lesser extent, sex on a newly-untidied desk surrounded by more Mistletoe than had ever been comprehended by mankind.

"Who from?" Jack asked indelicately.

The awkward silence that followed said more than any words could.

"Oh, well," Kathleen said uncomfortably, "that's absolutely lovely."

Percy looked just about ready to curl up into a ball and die, right there and then.

A second uncomfortable silence followed, which lingered for a few minutes. Jack was staring out the window, and Kathleen was playing with her hair. Oliver was pondering the ceiling in great detail, and Percy was fidgeting uncomfortably, looking anywhere but at Oliver's feet.

After a while, the tension that reigned in their compartment was cut by the door flying open, and clanging against the wall, before bouncing off. With such an entrance, it hardly looked as though George was popping around for a chat.

"Percy," he said, out of breath, "I... Need... To... Talk to you..."

Sensing immediately that this was serious, Percy got up, giving his apologies to his companions, and walked outside into the corridor, closing the door behind him and George.

"What's going on?"

"You know how I was looking for Fred earlier?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, he'd disappeared somewhere, and I needed to talk to him about, uh... Something... That isn't really important here... What _is_ important is that there was _someone else_ looking for him."

"What trouble has he gotten himself into now?" Percy asked, exasperated.

"He's not so much in trouble, as, uh, I am..." George mumbled this last bit.

"Elaborate," Percy replied, now incredibly curious as to what exactly was going on.

"So I was going down the corridor looking for Fred, but otherwise minding my own business, when I get pulled into a nearby compartment, the door shut fast and the blinds drawn..."

Suddenly, Percy had an awful, twisting feeling in his stomach. He knew where this was going.

"... And there's this guy there, who looks a fair bit like a chick, and he's all 'did you miss me, Fred?' in a voice that was, quite frankly, rather salacious. You can imagine how shocked I was."

"Not as shocked as I was," Percy said.

"Wait, _what_? Did you _know_ about this?"

"Not much gets past me," Percy admitted, "I _am_ Head Boy, after all."

"Great," George said with a scowl, "so I'm the last to know that my twin brother's banging some effeminate Ravenclaw Prefect."

"Not the last," Percy said in what was probably supposed to be a comforting tone, "but not the first..."

"This is bullshit," George declared angrily, "why didn't he tell me?"

Percy shrugged, although in reality he could think of several reasons why Fred wouldn't want George to know about Peter – the main one being that the twins were so close, Fred wouldn't have wanted this to come between them. Which it was now threatening to do.

"Okay, so here's how we're going to deal with this," Percy began calmly, "you're going to talk to Fred about it when the time is right, somewhere quiet, and make sure that no-one else can hear. And you're going to sort everything out, and then everything will be back to normal. Is that clear?"

George snorted. "You can't tell me how to run my life! I'll deal with this my _own_ way – I'll just pretend it never happened, so there can be no run-on effects."

"Because that's _really_ clever," Percy retorted sarcastically. "George, if you don't confront this little problem, it _won't_ go away, it'll be hanging over your head until one day it sneaks down and kicks you in the arse when you least expect it to."

George was silent for a moment. "That was remarkably insightful," he eventually said, "considering the pitiful amount of drama you've ever had in your life."

Percy scoffed at this. "What would _you_ know?"

"What are you implying?"

_Best not to continue this_, Percy thought sagely. "Nothing," he said, brushing off the topic, "I'd best get back in there. You should go and sit down, calm yourself down."

"Whatever," George mumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets as he walked off.

Frowning, Percy decided that it was best just to forget about it for now, and walked back into the compartment where it seemed that the chatter had once again resumed. He smiled, and sat down closer than was necessary next to Oliver.

_It's going to be a good term_, he thought with a smile.

xxx

Thinking back a few weeks, to when he had been sitting happily on the Hogwarts Express, Percy wondered _why_ he had thought placidly to himself that it was going to be a good term. The N.E.W.T.s were looming, and Percy was working harder than ever to ensure perfect grades in all of his subjects, as befitted his Head Boy status. He was doing brilliantly in everything, of course, but sometimes he felt he could be doing _more_ brilliantly. It evidently wasn't enough to be the only student who didn't need to consult the Runes chart in an Ancient Runes exam, which was provided for ease of translation – Percy knew every Rune he needed to for the course, and then some, from memory. And it evidently wasn't enough to be topping Arithmancy, generally considered to be the hardest subject offered. And it evidently wasn't enough to be topping every other subject too. Oliver couldn't help but wonder why Percy worked as hard as he did – he could probably pass the N.E.W.T.s in his sleep.

Then again, Percy was most probably studying so much to make up for the fact that he and Oliver were apart more than often lately. Oliver was holding a Quidditch practice every day in the lead-up to the Gryffindor/Slytherin match, which loomed ominously on the horizon. After their victory over Ravenclaw, there was a very real chance that Gryffindor could take the Cup if they beat Slytherin, and it now seemed to be Oliver's mission in life to make that happen by any means possible.

In a rare moment of normality, Oliver and Percy took some time out of their otherwise-hectic schedules to head down to Hogsmeade for what would be their first proper date in a while. They had planned to go to the Three Broomsticks for a couple of drinks before a night in the office, but instead they ended up spending the afternoon lying on a patch of slightly-wet grass just outside of the centre of the town.

"Oliver?"

"Yeah?"

"What'll happen if you lose the match? Are you going to go into one of your little depressions again?"

"Probably," Oliver admitted.

"Don't," Percy said softly. He had hated it when Oliver was last in such a bad mood, and didn't think that he could cope with the same thing again.

"I'll try," Oliver said, rolling onto his side so that he was facing Percy, "for you."

"I'm sure you'll win," Percy said in his best encouraging voice. "Flint's line-up is pathetic," he added, as though he actually knew anything about Quidditch.

"Flint is a joke, and his team are the punch-line that makes you want to kick the person who told the joke."

"Who told the joke?"

"Bloody Professor Snape," Oliver mumbled. "Wish he'd just fail me already."

"Oh, come on," Percy chided, "it's so close to the N.E.W.T.s, you can't give up on Potions at this stage."

"Watch me," Oliver said with a laugh. After a few moments of silence, he added "what'll happen if you fail the N.E.W.T.s?"

"That's a stupid question and you know it," Percy responded without a hint of modesty, "I won't fail the N.E.W.T.s. A better question would be 'what'll happen if I don't get into the Ministry?'"

"What'll happen?"

"I don't know," Percy replied softly, turning around so he was facing Oliver, "maybe I'll just jump off a bridge or something."

When, after a few moments, Percy laughed, Oliver kept a solemn expression and said "I don't think that's funny at all. You have to keep your options open, Perce."

"No I don't. I'm going to work at the Ministry, and that's that."

"Whatever," Oliver said, "if you don't, you can just be my stay-at-home trophy wife."

Oliver clearly thought he had made a very funny joke, but Percy was looking contemplative. "Was that a proposal?"

"It can be," Oliver replied cheekily. "Was that a yes?"

Percy raised an eyebrow. "That was a question, silly."

"Was _that_ a yes?"

"No..." Percy said, seemingly-oblivious to Oliver's advances. "That was a statement. _This_ is a yes."

And with that he flung himself on top of Oliver and kissed him firmly on the mouth.

"Yep," Oliver said as Percy pulled away, "_that_ was a yes."

xxx

It was the morning of _the_ biggest Quidditch match of the year – the decider of Gryffindor against Slytherin. Oliver had, much to Percy's displeasure, insisted that he needed to get to sleep early so that he was well-rested for the game, and that good luck sex was _definitely_ a bad idea. They'd been (unwillingly but circumstantially) celibate for several weeks anyway, one more night wouldn't hurt.

"Anyway," Oliver had said, "if we win, we can have congratulation sex, and if we lose, we can have pity sex!"

Percy really didn't like the idea of pity sex. _Really_. He wanted Oliver to win almost as much as Oliver did. _Almost_ – no-one could want to win as much as Oliver. He had been giving up his life and his love-life for over a month now. And _Merlin_ did he want to win that match.

Before the match, Percy strolled into the Gryffindor change room to wish Oliver good luck.

"What the hell are you doing barging in here like you own the place?" Fred yelped when Percy sauntered in.

"I _am_ Head Boy. Anyway, I'm here to speak to—"

"He's here to speak to me," George said suddenly. "Percy, if you don't mind talking outside... ?"

"No, no... Not at all," Percy said, confused. Well, not confused, just not wanting to acknowledge that there may have been a development on the Peter front.

"As much as I hate to admit it," George began, "I took your advice, and it paid off."

Percy tried to stop himself from looking smug. "Go on."

"I told Fred what had happened, and at first he was really embarrassed."

"I don't blame him," Percy conceded, "I can't imagine how ashamed I'd feel if either you or Fred were mistaken for me."

As soon as he'd said it, Percy wished he hadn't, but George seemed not to have noticed.

"But after a while he was alright with talking about it, dirty bugger. And he said – hold on. What do you mean, if either me or Fred were mistaken for you? By _whom_?"

Percy's brain was screaming _fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck_. He had _not_ meant for that to come out.

"Not _Penelope_, surely?"

"I _told_ you, George, I don't _have_ a girlfriend!"

"So it's a _guy_, then? Not you too?"

_Percy Weasley, this really is _not_ your day_, said Sober Percy, before slinking off and committing suicide. And once again, his silence was more telling than any denial could ever be.

"Aw, shit," George said with a laugh, "I've got two gay brothers!"

"Two _bisexual_ brothers," Percy corrected, not bothering to deny anything anymore, "_one_ gay brother."

George raised an eyebrow. "You really _do_ know everything, don't you? Who's the gay one then?"

"I shouldn't have mentioned," Percy mumbled, blushing.

"It's Charlie, isn't it?"

"Possibly."

"It is, oh Merlin," George moaned, "my whole _family_ is going gay! Next Bill will get together with troll and Ron will be boning Harry!"

"Don't," Percy said firmly, "those are both _horrible_ concepts."

"Shit, I've got to get ready for the match. I'll send out Oliver, shall I?"

"Why would you do that?" Percy asked, feigning ignorance.

"I don't know why you keep trying to hide things, Percy, shroud them in secrecy. I mean, look, I'm not going to tell anyone if you don't want me to, but really... You're quite obvious. It doesn't take an idiot to notice your feelings for him. I've had my suspicions for a while, but..."

"Have you told Fred?"

"He doesn't take it seriously – nor did I. Until now."

"Wonderful," Percy said. "Well, if it's not too much trouble..."

"Sure thing," George said, giving his brother a rare smile. Percy smiled back.

After a few minutes of snogging Oliver, Percy made his way to the stands and sat beside Penelope.

"Excited?" She asked.

"I've got a dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach and my tongue is so loose it could probably tie itself in a knot, but otherwise, yes. I'm excited for Oliver."

"They're going to win, aren't they?" Penelope said with glee, gripping Percy's arm.

"Of course they are," Percy replied with a smile.

Percy never really paid much attention to Quidditch matches – he had no patience for the commentary and such – but he could tell a 230-20 victory when he saw one, and the moment the snitch was caught by the Boy Who Took All The Credit, the entire Gryffindor house contingent, as well as most of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, were up on their feet, cheering with all of their might. Percy himself was jumping up and down, screaming like there was no tomorrow, all the time his eyes trained on Oliver. Penelope grabbed him and drew him into a hug, and then a voice from the Gryffindor conglomerate, most probably Jack's, as he tended to start the parties, cried out "PARTY IN THE COMMON ROOM!"

Penelope nudged Percy and whispered wickedly "sex in the change room!"

Percy frowned. "_My office_, actually. But first there's something I've got to do..."

And without another word, Percy dashed down towards the change rooms, Penelope following close behind. Once he was there, not caring who was watching, he flung himself upon Oliver and kissed him with all his might.

* * *

So what did you lovely people think? How about you tell me in a review - they're good fun! :D

**Author's Note**: Okay, so I really think I surpassed myself for cuteness and awesomeness-all-'round in this one. I'm SO proud of it. Really. Title is from The Smiths' "Bigmouth Strikes Again"; I felt it was apt! So... yes. May not update again for a while. Things are getting hectic with exams. But whatever, you guys have waited long enough, right? How mean I am.

- _Legs_

NEXT TIME ON _RULED BY SECRECY_: STRESSSTRESSSTRESSSTRESS. AND MORE STRESS. AND THEN SOME SEX. AND THEN THE N.E.W.T.S. AND THEN SOME MORE SEX. :D


	23. Necessary Exhilarating Wonderful Times

I apologise for the long wait, my loyal readers! However, I can promise you that this chapter will have been well worth the wait. Another thing, just to clear up, our two dear protagonists aren't ACTUALLY engaged. They were just fooling around. Honestly, I reckon the idea of marriage would absolutely freak Percy out. Oliver, I'm not so sure. Time will tell.

So here are my thanks for this chapter: to **SylvanSpirit**, **ilfreitas**, **pinote007**, **Anzel Silver**, **HollyGoesHoot**,** Remus-Chocolade**,** Lord-Haw-Haw** and **Gabriel Tunichtgut** for reviewing, to **qofhearts **and **Lord-Haw-Haw** for story alerting, and to **Serena90**, **Lord-Haw-Haw** and **The One Who Dwells In Darkness** for faving. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Disclaimer**: As usual, Harry Potter is not mine. Nor will it ever be, gosh darn.

* * *

23. Necessary Exhilarating Wonderful Times

_So maybe_, Percy thought after a few nanoseconds, _kissing_ _Oliver in front of the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team and a fair chunk of their fanbase_ wasn't _a good idea_. He was about to pull away, a blush rising his cheeks, when Oliver wrapped the arm that wasn't holding the Quidditch cup around his back and his tongue began to work its way between Percy's lips. Drunk Percy cheered, Sober Percy was digging himself a grave.

Suddenly, Percy felt a nudge on his right arm, and pulled away from Oliver, who it seemed had also been nudged.

"Guys," Angelina said, "no need to _get so excited_. There's plenty of time to get drunk on actual alcohol, _as opposed to excitement_. Calm it down."

Oliver, evidently as flushed as Percy was and his face streaked with tears, withdrew. Thankfully not many people had been looking as Percy, in his _excitement_, had launched his one-man assault on Oliver. They were too busy congratulating their own friends. And the Boy Who Why The Hell Did He Have More Friends Than The Head Boy Anyway?'s friends, for they were numerous, were crowding him, lifting him up on their shoulders and carrying him to the common room. Percy squeezed Oliver's hand, before dropping back to allow him the praise he so evidently deserved.

That night, flagons of firewhisky had been smuggled into the common room, and all and sundry were enjoying what was a very raucous party indeed. Penelope and Kathleen had begged Percy to let them into the common room, but (made-up) rules were (made-up) rules, and it had been decreed by the sixth year Prefects early on in the night that only Gryffindors would be allowed to celebrate their team's victory, no matter HOW much the people in Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw hated Slytherin.

Oliver commanded the affair, with everyone taking their turn to congratulate him on being such a great captain. Of course, they didn't get much more in response than "yeeeeeeeah, 'cause I'm just AWESOME like that". Oliver was _very_ drunk. Before downing his first firewhisky, he had yelled at the top of his lungs "PUDDLEMERE HERE I COME!" Everyone had cheered with him, except Ron, who muttered something about the Cannons being _way_ better.

As the night wore on, Percy found himself talking to Jack, someone he very rarely held sustained conversations with, purely because Oliver was in the middle of a raucous round of "99 bottles of butterbeer on the wall". They were up to 63, but Alicia had gotten lost and was trying to count where they were up to on her fingers.

"So I said to Kathleen that if Gryffindor didn't win, I'd buy her a... I don't know what I said. Doesn't matter. We won," Jack slurred, slumped on the floor, his back to the wall.

"Jack, I have to ask," Percy began, sitting on the floor next to him, "why do you and Kathleen, never, you know... kiss in public, or anything?"

"Why don't you and _Oliver_?" he replied.

"You know perfectly well that some people are less tolerant than others," Percy said, sniffing haughtily, "besides, we do. Well, we did today."

"That was funny," Jack said absently.

"You still haven't answered my question," Percy stated.

Jack shrugged. "It's not her thing. She's, whatchacallit... insecure about the whole thing. The whole kissing in public stuff. She doesn't like it."

"That, I find hard to imagine," Percy said, frowning. "Kathleen's one of the most confident people I know."

"Sure," Jack said, "but she's still new to the whole dating thing. I don't think she'll ever get used to it, actually."

Percy rubbed the back of his head uncomfortably. He hoped that Jack wasn't having any adverse thoughts in his drunken state. Thankfully, Oliver decided to introduce himself into their conversation, thus reducing any awkwardness that may have been there. And instead bringing along a whole new sort of awkwardness.

He situated himself on the floor in between Percy and Jack, placing an arm around each of their shoulders. Jack frowned and tried to shake Oliver off, but he was no match for Oliver's strength, no doubt strengthened more than usual from an excess of Quidditch preparation in recent times. Percy just blushed.

"I notice you two haven't been up to congratulate me yet," he said with no trace of modesty.

"We've been talking," Jack slurred.

"About me," Oliver said, "obviously."

"Among other things," Percy admitted.

"Of course," Oliver replied, kissing Percy on the cheek. "Now, how about that congratulation sex I was promised earlier?"

"Disgusting!" Jack interjected, shrugging of Oliver's arm with much more ease than in his attempts earlier, and stood up to leave. "I _so_ did not need to hear that."

Oliver rolled his eyes. "I don't mind; leave us to our own devices!"

Once Jack had left, he let his head flop down on Percy's shoulder. "Do you want to know something funny?"

"Have you got a joke for me?" Percy asked.

"No. I just thought you'd be interested to hear that despite all the Quidditch, all the drinking and all the partying, and despite the fact that I'm collapsed here on the floor, I'm completely and utterly awake and, basically, gagging for it."

"Oliver!" Percy exclaimed, shocked. "No need to be so coarse!"

"Shut up, I'm drunk. So come on, where's it to be?"

"My office, naturally," Percy said, "but we'll need to sneak out somehow. We don't want people to see us leaving together; they'll be suspicious."

"Honestly, Percy," Oliver replied, "all the kids who don't want to get drunk have already gone up to bed, and everybody left is pissed out of their mind. We could skip out of here together, arm in arm, and no-one would give a toss."

"You think so?" Percy wasn't sold on the idea. It was risky. What if someone put two and two together? Literally?

"Absolutely, otherwise I'll have you right here on the floor," Oliver said.

Percy shrugged. "Okay, let's go to the office."

He really ought to have fought back, to have cared more, but he was _so very_ drunk...

xxx

It seemed as though Percy's whole life had been building up to this moment. The N.E.W.T.s. For most students, they were indeed Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests, but for Percy they were Necessary Exhilarating Wonderful Times. Studying was his fuel, and the N.E.W.T.s were the train speeding headlong into a career in the Ministry. Sure, Oliver was getting mopey due to the loss of his favourite pastime (Percy) and the addition of his _least_ favourite pastime (study), but Percy had managed to convince him that it was for their greater good.

"They _say_ that Quidditch is an easy job to get in to, all you have to do is focus on the game. But they're wrong. Every potential employer, _even_ a Quidditch team recruiter, is going to look at your N.E.W.T.s. And if there's nothing between your ears except a bludger, you've got no hope."

"Was that supposed to be a pep talk?" Oliver asked. They were waiting outside the Great Hall before their first exam, Charms.

"Yes," Percy confirmed, barely looking at Oliver, his eyes fixed on the door of the Hall. "Why?"

"It didn't help."

"Oh."

Percy's foot began tapping against the floor. His hands were shaking slightly, and his ink pots and quills quivered, pulled close to his chest. His eyes were wide and his face was red. Anyone who didn't know him well would've taken this for fear, but Oliver and Kathleen knew this look all too well. It was anticipation.

"Come _on_ already," he muttered, teeth gritted.

"Calm down," Oliver cried, putting an arm around Percy's shoulder. Percy either didn't notice or didn't care.

"I _can't_ calm down. I need to be in there now. I'm in test mode. I need to write an essay now or I'm going to _EXPLODE_!"

"Not if I can help it," Oliver said, forgetting every word that had passed between the two of them about keeping their relationship a secret - words which by now were very frayed indeed - and kissing Percy firmly on the lips.

When he pulled back, Percy looked to be on a whole new level of calm. He smiled stupidly at Oliver. And then he frowned. "Damn it, you ruined my buzz."

Oliver shrugged. "Sorry. Couldn't help myself."

"I bet you couldn't," Percy replied sarcastically.

Just then, Isolde Bowman (the other former-Gryffindor Prefect) made her way through the crowd, and tapped Oliver on the shoulder.

"Oh, hi Isolde."

"About time too," she said, looking from Oliver to Percy. "The courage you display shows you both to be true Gryffindors."

Oliver's eyes widened. "Corny? You?"

"No, really, Oliver," she said, "it's very refreshing to see homosexuality respected in the mainstream."

There was a snort from a nearby crowd of Slytherins. "Respected my arse!" Marcus Flint whispered to his friends. They cackled along with him.

"Uh..."

"My older brother is gay. And, you know, at mainstream Muggle institutions there isn't much tolerance for such... _public_ displays of affection."

"I know," Oliver said, suddenly sounding quite proud of himself, "I'm _fantastic_ at Muggle Studies."

"Isolde," Percy said, cutting into the conversation, "this really _isn't_ helping my mood."

"Oh? What mood would that be?"

As if on cue, Professor McGonagall came striding through the crowd of students. The doors flew open with a flourish of her wand.

"It's a strange mixture of nerves and excitement which I like to call _anticipation_," Oliver explained as Percy dashed forward to claim himself the front-and-centre desk. Oliver and Kathleen sat to either side of him (to Oliver's dismay; he _hated_ being up the front, but Percy was his personal good luck charm) and Isolde behind him.

The question papers appeared on their desks, the examiners rang the starting bell, and as Percy made the first stroke with his quill, he thought that this was just the first stroke in his illustrious future.

Or, he _would_ have thought that, if he hadn't been busy channelling every ounce of his knowledge onto the parchment before him.

xxx

It was the second last day of term, and there had been a meeting called in the Great Hall for all the seventh years. To announce marks. Most of them rushed down to make it in just for one in the afternoon, but Percy had been there waiting for half an hour already. He was bubbling over with excitement; Oliver, Kathleen and Jack were doing their best to restrain him.

"Percy, do be quiet," Kathleen said, "we all know you're going to get straight Os. You don't even need to care."

"_Don't even need to care_?" Percy echoed. "Oh, Kathleen, how wrong you are. I need to care more than ever."

She rolled her eyes. Oliver and Jack looked sympathetic. Usually, Oliver would be doing most of the comforting, but his domain was not the academic one, so Kathleen bore the brunt of Percy's panic.

Eventually, the doors opened to reveal chairs lined up facing the teachers' platform, the tables lined up against the walls. Professor Dumbledore had already taken his place at the podium, and gestured for the students to take a seat wherever they wished. Naturally, Percy suggested, he and Kathleen _had_ to sit up the front. It was their duty as the Head Boy and Girl of Hogwarts.

The students were called up one by one to receive their results from the Headmaster himself, in alphabetical order. While this was nice and orderly, of which Percy heartily approved, he was sitting on the edge of his seat the entire time, his fingers clasping the borders, white at the knuckles. It didn't help that Kathleen came back with straight Os.

Eventually and inevitably, Dumbledore called out "Weasley, Percival Ignatius," and no sooner were the words out of his mouth than Percy was up on the stage, his right hand already extended, whether to receive his grades or to shake Dumbledore's hand.

"Congratulations, Mister Weasley," the Headmaster said, handing over a piece of parchment, "straight Os."

Percy could have exploded then and there. He grinned proudly and inspected his results, just to make sure. There was indeed a shining red O next to each subject.

"Thank you, Professor," he managed to say. His eyes were threatening to erupt with tears and his voice was beginning to break.

"And Mister Weasley deserves an extra mention," the Professor continued as Percy made his way back to his seat, "for it appears he is fluent in Ancient Runes, being the only student to attain a perfect score in the subject for thirty-seven years. He should be incredibly proud of himself."

Rather ungracefully, Percy tripped over his own feet and fell sideways onto the floor as a mixture of light applause (Slytherin) and raucous cheers (Oliver and Kathleen, who felt she had to cheer extra-loud on Penelope's behalf) filled the Hall. He gathered himself up with as much dignity as he could muster, and was able to drag himself into his seat as Dumbledore called "Wood, Oliver".

"An altogether very pleasing report, Mister Wood," he said, handing Oliver his sheet of parchment. "You should be especially proud of your result in Potions."

Gawping, Oliver looked down his parchment. There, right next to word Potions, right at the bottom of the page, was a glimmering O. His only other apart from Muggle Studies, obviously.

"You're shitting me!" he yelled, loud enough so that the whole grade could hear. There was some laughter.

"Language, Mister Wood!" Professor McGonagall chided from her seat behind the Headmaster.

"Sorry," he said, turning to her.

Red-faced, he returned to the audience and sat down next to an equally red-faced Percy. "Fucking _Potions_," he said, "it _had_ to be fucking Potions, didn't it?"

"You _are_ very skilled at the subject," Percy said cautiously.

"I've been trying to fail it for two years! How did I even get a _pass_, let alone an O?"

"They know," Kathleen said, leaning over Percy, "they know when you're naturally talented at something, and look beyond the deliberate attempts at failure."

"But look," Percy said with a note of sarcasm, "you haven't failed _anything_! You must be _intelligent_!"

"Yeah, but _Potions_..." he whined. "Oh, and congratulations, by the way. We can use your office for the last time tonight in honour of your achievement!"

Suddenly, the tears that Percy had been holding back came pouring down his cheeks. "The last time, Oliver! The last time! Where are we going to... you know... after we leave Hogwarts?"

Oliver put a comforting arm around his shoulder. "Aww, Perce, I'll buy us a house with my money from selling potions on the black market. And we can live happily ever after in a cottage in the country."

"I'd rather live in the city," Percy admitted, "near the Ministry."

"So would I, actually," Oliver said, "near all the good Muggle music spots."

Percy laughed. "But I am going to miss this. This school. Everything."

"Me too."

xxx

By now their pact of secrecy was all but broken. They had snogged after the Quidditch match, they had skipped out of the common room arm in arm and Oliver had kissed Percy just before their first N.E.W.T.

And now they were sitting side by side, rather closer than usual, at the end-of-year feast, and talking almost exclusively to each other. Which, as we all know, is one step short of making out on top of the table, butterbeer and dessert falling aside to make way for their public fits of passion.

The Great Hall was adorned with gold and crimson banners, celebrating Gryffindor's success in the House Cup, and the Gryffindor table was, without any shadow of a doubt, making the most noise that night. However, right at the end of the table, Percy and Oliver were talking quietly between themselves, barely contributing to the din. One would have expected to be more exuberant, given that it was thanks to his Quidditch victory that Gryffindor had won the cup, but all he really wanted to do was to savour his last moments at Hogwarts.

So at around ten thirty, the feast still in full swing, Percy and Oliver left with many of the younger students, but instead of going back to their dorms for an early night, they went straight for Percy's office.

And of course, I don't need to spell out for you what followed.

xxx

At Kings Cross Station, on Platform 9 and three quarters, the Weasley family were getting rather impatient. Percy had spent at least five minutes already holding Penelope close to him, which did nothing for his constant protestations that she wasn't his girlfriend.

In actuality, he just didn't want to leave her. She had always felt like a part of his life at Hogwarts, and he _was_ in love with her. As a friend. So while the Weasleys presumed he was whispering sweet nothings in her ear, he was in fact telling her to keep in touch (or else) and to get straight Os on her N.E.W.T.s, even if she was just going to be a beautician.

Oliver waited dutifully with him, mainly because he was planning on introducing Percy to his sister Holly. Oliver had written to her about the love of his life, and she'd said that if she wasn't introduced by the end of the year, she'd go 'round to Percy's house and personally out him to his family. Of course, she'd _met_ him – she was in the grade between Bill and Charlie at Hogwarts – but she'd not met him in his _official_ _capacity_ as Oliver's boyfriend.

Just before he was dragged by Oliver to meet Holly, Percy ran up to his parents, who were wheedling the truth out of the twins about their O.W.L. results.

"Don't wait up," he said, "head off without me."

"What's the matter, dear?" Molly asked. Percy was not usually one to linger too long; it was the antithesis of his reputation as a paragon of punctuality.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just savouring the moment."

* * *

PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW! Reviews = love. :)

**Author's Note**: I honestly had so much trouble writing that bit where they get their marks back... I was so happy for Percy (and Oliver, poor boy), I just kept grinning and I couldn't focus! But I got through it! I guess it just goes to show how attached I've become to my interpretation of JKR's fantastic characters...  
IN OTHER NEWS, this is the PENULTIMATE CHAPTER OF _RULED BY SECRECY_! I've decided that next will be the last, before I go on to write the sequel to this thing, which will most probably be called _Between Love And Hate_, after the song by the Strokes. (It acronyms neatly to BLAH!) And it will have much more sporadic updates, I'm afraid to say, because I'm starting year 12 on Monday or Tuesday (whenever school goes back; I really ought to check) so I'll be bogged down in work and won't have enough time to give this story and it's follower all the love they need. But I'll try my best!  
I'm also considering writing a Skeeter/Lockhart fic, and maybe I'll even continue a couple of my one-shots. I so would love Ginny and Cormac to continue their relationship, or see what happens with Hugo and Scorpius (that was a crack fic, though, so probably not).  
With love,

- _Legs_

NEXT TIME IN _RULED BY SECRECY_: In the last installment of FanFiction's best Gryffindor/Ravenclaw-centric slash fic about two minor characters with a healthy dose of OCs that fits into the romance/humour subgenre (prove me wrong!), Percy and Oliver continue their adventures... at the Quidditch world cup! See you then!


	24. Change In The Air

HERE IT IS! The last EVER chapter! I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing this story. The special thanks this chapter go to: **SylvanSpirit**, **pinote007**, **Schermione**, **Remus-Chocolade**, **passionate4pens94 **and** Lord-Haw-Haw** for reviewing, to **AnthonyHope**, **Larkaidikalikani **and **kerofish1 **for story-alerting, to **xXThe-Silent-StarlightXx **and **Larkairdikalikani **for story-faving, to **SylvanSpirit **and **pinote007 **for author-alerting, to **pinote007 **and **Jooh **for author-faving, to everyone who's ever read and enjoyed this story, and last but not least to my co-conspirator _Lacrima_ for putting up with my tardiness and forcing me to get this chapter done by Sunday. My regards to each and every one of you. :)

**Disclaimer**: THIS IS NOT HARRY POTTER NOR DOES IT BELONG TO JKR. She doesn't have condoms in her magical fantasy land, unlike I do in mine.

* * *

24. Change In The Air

Percy sat down beside his father on the couch. "What was it that you had wanted to talk to me about, father?"

To be perfectly honest, Percy wasn't exactly in the mood for talking. He'd just come home from his job interview - at the Ministry of Magic, no less! - and all he wanted to do was lie on his bed and ponder whether the fact that he had hesitated before mentioning his N.E.W.T. results would have any impacts on the surety that was his getting the job.

"Make yourself comfortable," Arthur said. He himself wasn't looking _at all_comfortable; he was wringing his hands nervously, and was slightly flushed.

Percy frowned. "Is something the matter, father?"

"Oh, goodness gracious, no! Heavens, no," Arthur began, "I just wanted to have a little father-to-son chat, that's all."

This, however, only served to confuse Percy further. "About what?"

"About Penelope."

It took Percy a moment to register just _why_, exactly, his father would want to talk to him about one of his best friends whom he didn't know from a bar of soap. And then he remembered, almost angrily, that Ginny had told his parents that Penelope was his _girlfriend_. Which wasn't true. At all. She _had_been, once, but that was as good as ancient history to Percy. And _she_didn't even remember it happening.

"The thing is, son," Arthur said, "neither of your older brothers had girlfriends at Hogwarts. Well, not that they told us about, anyway. But that's rather besides the point. Or not. You see, your mother is now rather pinning her hopes on you to give us grandchildren."

Percy's back stiffened immediately. Arthur didn't notice, and continued.

"But not to worry, son. I mean, _I_certainly won't put any pressure on you... you've got a whole life ahead of you, and your potential offspring are the least of my worries. However, you and Penelope may want to..."

Here he paused, and, looking very awkward indeed, clasped a hand on Percy's thigh. "Well, son, you might want to have sex."

Percy blushed. "Father, I honestly don't think-"

"No, just listen, son. You might not want to talk about it now, and I _completely_understand that. You're young; you don't want to discuss sex with an old man like me. But you don't need to talk; just listen."

Well, he didn't exactly have a choice, did he?

"So, I'm presuming that if and when you and Penelope _do_decide to have sex, you won't be aiming for children. And there are certain precautions to be taken to ensure that your intercourse doesn't result in any unwanted, uh... consequences, shall we say. And we all know how prone us Weasley men are to, er... having children."

Percy, at this point, was close to bursting. He wanted to yell that he wasn't with Penelope, that he was incredibly, completely and utterly in love with Oliver Wood, that he knew all about sex, and that he wasn't likely to be impregnating anyone any time soon. But Arthur had him stunned into silence. Anything he could have said stuck stubbornly in the back of his throat.

"We wizards have a plethora of spells to stop the spread of diseases through sex, and of course to prevent unwanted pregnancies, but really the best method is a medieval wizarding invention that the Muggles have adopted for themselves, centuries after its fall from popularity. I believe it was the _Antinatus_spell that first rendered those little contraptions useless, in around 1450."

"The condom," Percy said, before he could stop himself. He immediately regretted opening his mouth. Arthur looked surprised, to say the least.

"That's right," he said, bewildered, "how did you know that?"

"Oliver," Percy said automatically. "I, uh... I read about them in one of his Muggle books."

Arthur nodded. "That Oliver, he's a piece of work, isn't he?"

Percy resisted the urge to laugh. He just kept his mouth shut.

"Well, that saves me a _lot_of trouble!" Arthur said, breathing out in relief. "So you... you know how they work? How you put them on?"

Percy nodded. "You, uh... you unroll it over your..."

Both men looked incredibly flushed, looking anywhere but at each other. "Quite," Arthur confirmed. "They're not readily available in the wizarding world, of course, but if you pop into Muggle cities you can get them at more shops than you'd expect."

Percy would have smiled to himself if the situation wasn't so awkward; that solved a whole lot of questions about where Oliver got the little lifesavers.

"So," Arthur said, "all that's left for me to say is that I wish you the best of luck with Penelope, and that I hope you take all the necessary precautions."

He looked immensely pleased that the discussion was over. Percy almost wondered whether it wasn't his mother who'd put Arthur up to it.

"I'm not going out with Penelope," he said softly.

Arthur looked up. "Oh?"

"I mean, we were for a bit, and that's what Ginny was talking about when she mentioned, but... no. I'm not, I mean... we're not... we broke up."

"So you won't need to be thinking about sex for a while, then, will you?" Arthur asked. It wasn't a question, it was more a need for confirmation.

Percy gulped and nodded.

Suddenly, Arthur's expression changed. The corners of his mouth twisted downwards. It was almost as though he had realised something that he didn't want to realise.

"Send my regards to that Oliver next time you write to him," he said as Percy got up to leave the room.

"Of course," Percy said, trying to ignore the deep sense of foreboding that was burning away at the pit of his stomach from his father's words.

On his way up the stairs to his room, he ran into Fred and George.

"Hey, it's the Humongous Bighead!" Fred called. "How was your interview at the Ministry? Are you going to be out of our house for good soon?"

Usually, Percy would have scowled, but he was in a bit of a daze at that moment.

"What's the matter," George said coaxingly, "don't want to talk about it?"

"I think father's worked it out."

"Worked _what_out?" Fred asked.

George laughed nervously. "I hope you're not talking about what I think you're talking about. Mum would have a fit!"

"Talking about _what_?" Fred demanded, annoyed that he was being left out of this conversation. Evidently, George either hadn't told him, or he was the slower twin.

Percy ran a hand through his hair.

"Oh, shit," George said with a laugh. "When they hear about your love life, Fred, they'll probably _explode_!"

"Hear _what_about- oh. Peter."

"Quite," Percy said.

"So what's the worry?" Fred asked. "I thought dad already knew about Penelope!"

"Yeah," George said with a wicked grin, "but he doesn't know about Oliver."

Fred's expression mimicked George's exactly. "You're _kidding_me!"

George just grinned back. Percy didn't say anything either; he pushed past them, locked himself in his room and hid himself under his blanket.

xxx

Needless to say, Percy got his job at the Ministry, as a junior employee in the Department of International Magical Co-operation. His boss, Mr. Crouch, was a most admirable man. He spoke _over two hundred_languages. Percy wished that _he_could speak over two hundred languages.

So, instead of working on his report on the standardisation of cauldron thicknesses, he sat with various books sprawled across his table: _French for Absolute Beginners_, _A French Conversation Workbook Advanced French Grammar_. Percy was getting quite annoyed. It simply wasn't challenging enough. Then again, he had finished his report several days before, so he supposed there was no point in pretending to do it for the sake of keeping his own mind at easy. The only reason he hadn't handed it in yet was so that he didn't seem like _too much_of an overachiever. But nonetheless, he'd told Mr. Crouch that he'd have it in by Tuesday. Just so he didn't seem like an idiot.

But learning French, as simple as Percy was finding it, was rather challenging with such a ruckus coming from the stairwell. Frowning, he got up and opened the door, only to see Ron, Ginny, Hermione and... oh. Ron's guest.

"Hi, Percy," Harry said, evidently trying to force a smile.

"Oh, hello, Harry," he said with a hint of annoyance in his voice, "I was wondering who was making all the noise. I'm trying to work in here, you know." And then, to cover his tracks further, he added "I've got a report to finish for the office - and it's rather difficult to concentrate when people keep thundering up and down the stairs."

Ron grimaced. "We're not _thundering_, we're walking. Sorry if we've disturbed the top-secret workings of the Ministry of Magic."

"What are you working on?" Harry asked. Percy was pleasantly surprised.

"A report for the Department of International Magical Co-operation. We're trying to standardise cauldron thickness. Some of these foreign imports are just a shade too thin - leakages have been increasing at a rate of almost three per cent a year-"

"That'll change the world, that report will," Ron rudely interrupted. "Front page of the _Daily Prophet_, I expect, cauldron leaks."

Percy flushed. "You might sneer, Ron, but unless some sort of international law is imposed we might well find the market flooded with flimsy, shallow-bottomed products which seriously endanger-"

Ron interrupted again. "Yeah, yeah, all right..."

He signalled for the others to follow and they headed off upstairs. Percy slammed his door closed in anger. What he _hadn't_got to say before Ron had so rudely cut in was that this was just a springboard to far greater reports that he would no doubt have to write in the future.

"_I'm_interested in your cauldron bottoms," came a voice from behind Percy.

He jumped and spun around, only to see Oliver reclining comfortably on his bed like he knew it well. Which, in a way, he did.

"But I'm more interested in _your_bottom, to tell you the truth," he added thoughtfully, flicking his wand casually and casting a silencing spell over the room.

"Oliver!" Percy exclaimed, snapping out of his momentary stupor. "How did you get in here?"

Oliver rolled his eyes. "Apparated. So what's happening? Have I come at a bad time?"

Percy sighed, and went to sit next to Oliver on the bed. "Not exactly. I'm just... I'm not exactly getting the whole familial love thing right now."

Oliver pulled Percy into an embrace. "Well, now you've got a whole other kind of love to distract you. And you can stop thinking about those cauldrons for a while."

"I've finished that report," Percy admitted, "I'm learning French now."

Oliver smiled. _Typical_Percy. He'd finished his homework, so what did he do? He did MORE work. "I only know one phrase in French."

"Oh, and what's that?"

"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"

Before answering, Percy rolled Oliver onto his bed and pinned him down, grinning wickedly.

"Bien sȗr!"

He leant down and pressed his lips to Oliver's. Oliver's arms swung up and pulled Percy's body flush on top of his. Suddenly there was a huge clatter of something outside Percy's window. He sprung up, realising that the curtains weren't closed. But when he yanked the window open, he saw two tables, hovering suspended by Bill and Charlie, backing away from one another.

"Will you keep it down?" he called, annoyed.

"Sorry, Perce," Bill called back, but he didn't look sorry at all. And he had also just used Percy's least-favourite nickname that only Oliver ever got away with using. "How're the cauldron bottoms coming on?"

"Very badly," Percy snapped, before pulling the windows shit and drawing the curtains. Oliver's arms enfolded him from behind, and his head rested on Percy's shoulder.

"I don't like it when you're angry," Oliver said, "and so it is my personal mission to cheer you up again."

Percy turned around wordlessly and kissed Oliver, who soon made light work of Percy's shirt. "I not only going to make you forget all your problems," he whispered in-between kisses, "but I'm going make sure you forget that you even _have_problems."

Again, Percy didn't reply, but pushed Oliver down onto his bed. He soon, however, let Oliver manoeuvre so that he was straddling Percy.

"I'm all yours," Percy said. But Oliver didn't seem to hear. He was too busy taking his own trousers off.

xxx

Percy didn't like Quidditch - this we have already established - but a trip to the Quidditch World Cup would be well worth it for two reasons: rubbing shoulders with top Ministry officials in their privileged top-box seats, and seeing the grin on Oliver's face that Percy only ever saw when he was absorbed by Quidditch. (Obviously, Percy never saw the grin any other time, because there are some things that are hard to do whilst having sex, and if it is between two men, then looking face-to-face is one of those things.)

Almost as soon as he had arrived at the camping grounds, he went off in search of Oliver. He found him just walking away from having spoken to Ron, Hermione and Harry, proudly sporting a green rosette below another badge on his t-shirt that Percy didn't recognise.

"Percy!" Oliver called, running up and hugging him, but stopping himself before he did anything too indecent. "I've got some fantastic news!"

"What?"

"I heard back from Puddlemere just today - I'm on the reserve team!"

"Fantastic!" Percy enthused, touching Oliver lightly on the arm. His eyes were drawn to the badge; upon closer inspection, he saw that it was the Puddlemere United crest.

Oliver noticed where Percy was looking. "Players only," Oliver said proudly. "This is the special team badge."

Percy noticed that as Oliver said this his eyes began to fill with tears.

"I'm so proud of you," Percy said, and then added softly "I'm dating a professional Quidditch player," as though it were a new and foreign concept.

"I'm only on the reserve team," Oliver said with a blush. "Anyway, I could say the same of you! _I'm_dating a Ministry official!"

"Honestly," Percy said suddenly, "we should just stop complimenting each other, go back to your tent and have mind-numbingly fantastic sex."

Oliver smiled happily. "Perfect! My parents just went off to meet a friend of theirs, and I'm sure I can convince Holly to bugger off."

"While we bugger away," Percy added, not willing to miss the opportunity.

"You're disgusting, you lewd bastard!" Oliver cried in mock-horror. "I must be rubbing off on you!"

"I wish," Percy said, more loudly than he had intended. A couple of hopefully-non-English-speaking wizards turned to look at them with confusion.

"Come on," Oliver said, signalling for Percy to follow him to his tent. Getting Holly to bugger off was surprisingly easy, and immediately after she was gone they practically fell onto Oliver's bed and began... well, doing what they did best. Making out.

What they did not know was that the friend Mr. and Mrs. Wood had gone to meet was Arthur Weasley, and that at that very moment, the three of them were heading directly for the Woods' tent.

"Well, this is where we are!" Oliver's father said, holding out one of the flaps and signalling for Arthur to go inside.

"Thank you," Arthur said politely, stepping into the tent ahead of the Woods. Arthur had expected to see a nice, homely dwelling, similar to their own tent. Instead, he saw a flash of Weasley red hair poking out from beneath Oliver, who seemed to be unbuttoning the shirt of said Weasley.

"Percy!" Arthur cried.

Percy and Oliver froze.

"Percy," Arthur re-iterated, "what in Merlin's name are you doing?"

Oliver stood up, and helped a very shocked Percy off his bed. Percy was unable to respond.

Oliver looked at Percy, and then clasped his hand firmly. "That means," he began, "that he's very sorry you had to find out like this and would like to apologise for the not telling you earlier and the frankly disgraceful exhibitionism he is now displaying by the unbuttoned nature of his shirt."

Percy nodded, his glasses fogging up and tears beginning to drip down his cheeks.

Arthur stepped forward. "I can't say I never had my suspicions," he said to both of the boys.

"Don't tell mother," was all Percy could manage to say.

"I won't," Arthur said, placing a reassuring hand on Percy's shoulder, "that is for you to do. The moment we return home."

Percy blushed. "Of course."

Arthur extended his hand to Oliver, who shook it dutifully. "And if you ever hurt a hair on my son's head," he said, "I will not be anywhere near as kind as this."

Oliver nodded. "Wouldn't dream of it, Mr. Weasley."

"Good," Arthur said. He turned back to Oliver's parents, who of course had heard all about Percy, and were about as pleased as Arthur was to be meeting him in these circumstances. "Shall we leave them alone?" he asked. Still stunned, they nodded and accompanied him back out of the tent.

As soon as they were gone, Percy burst into tears, and Oliver slipped and arm around his waist, leading him back to the bed. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"Thank you," Percy said, "I would've cracked if you weren't here."

"This wouldn't have happened if I weren't here, but that's kinda besides the point."

"What _is_the point?"

Oliver smiled as they sat down on the bed, pulling Percy in closer to him and kissing him lightly. "The point is that they're gone now, isn't it?"

Percy took of his glasses and placed them softly on the floor. "I love you _so much_," he said, as Oliver ran his hand through his now-messy hair.

"You're not half-bad yourself," Oliver joked, "and when we get our upmarket flat in the city, we can have sex every second of every day and no-one would be able to interrupt us. And then my life will truly be perfect. D'you know why? Because you're amazing in bed."

Percy slapped Oliver on the arm. "No other reasons?"

"Did I mention that I'm terribly and utterly in love with you? Beyond the point of no return? Because I am."

Percy didn't need any more encouragement - he slid down onto the bed and Oliver fell atop him.

"Never mind the flat and the unceasing copulation, my life is already perfect," Percy said.

* * *

PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW! It would absolutely make my day to know how you found this fic in its entirety.

Now I'm going to stop before I get all emotional... this is the end of over a year of Percy/Oliver love! But never fear, the sequel is on its merry way! Look out for it: "Between Love and Hate".  
And keep your eyes peeled for a new multi-chapter Remus/Sirius AU fic I've started on which I will post soonish, called "Love, Communism and Other Subversive Activities".

WITH LOVE X1000000,

- _Legs_


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